New Year, new cover.

 

After all the excitement of the 4 Nations hockey tournament and the continuing mention (by Canadian hockey announcers) of Drew Doughty recovering from injury in time to lead the back end on the Canadian blue line, it made me think of 10 years ago and my hilarious (to me) blog around the 2014 Sochi Olympics, which I hope I can link in it's original blog form here. 

I decided to convert it into a hard copy booklet form because, you know, practice and vanity and perhaps the off chance Drew himself would read it and I would get some bankroll/booksales from him (or one of the many other Team Canada/NHL players who may have read it).

I didn't and honestly, reading it 10 years later, it's not as good as I remembered, likely as there were no pictures. 

But that didn't stop me from making a new cover, which looks a bit less like a 16 year old with a class in graphic arts did it.

If you've read this far and don't have this little booklet, you can buy it digitally or in book form here. Personally, I'd go with the book form as I made some edits in order to keep up with how my writing taste has changed over the last 10 years.

The Saga of John Scott, NHL All-Star?

John Scott. Most everyone not associated with the NHL PR machine have no idea who he is. A lot of people in the NHL probably don't know who he is. Except Phil Kessel. Simply put, John Scott is one of the last of a special breed of hockey player. He's a pugilist, an enforcer, an intimidater, a goon. No matter how you put it, out of all the teams he has played for (9 and counting) he has never been hired to put the puck in the net. He's been hired to serve and protect, old school.

2013 6 NHL playoff rivalries and chances if we will see them again

THE RETRO-FILES: Golden Oldies 2013
or Better save this for posterity before the original website goes belly up and deletes all my contributions. 

The NHL playoffs start on April 30th. Here is a quick primer for your hockey sports fans on playoff series to watch, why, and chances of it happening.

The NHL is about to begin its 95th Stanley Cup campaign. It’s 2.5 months of heightened intensity and do-or-die attitudes and for many men it will be their only chance to have their name etched forever on hockey’s holy grail. It’s a dream many have had since they first laced up a pair of skates and have worked on all their lives. It takes 16 games to win the Stanley Cup but only 4 games lost to have that dream crushed. As with all great sporting leagues, there are a few rivalries that all marketing men and homer fans hope for as teams with a history of going head to head in the playoffs bring some of the most exciting hockey that will be witnessed this lock-out shortened year.

Thanks to the internet and proliferation of free televised sporting events sites, new and old fans from overseas have more opportunity than ever before to watch some of the greatest, high-intensity hockey you will see this year in an ever-evolving game for better or worse.

Here are 6 of the biggest rivalries in the NHL and the chances of us seeing them on the ice this year…

6. Pittsburgh Penguins Vs Philadelphia Flyers AKA The Battle of Penn State.

Philly has some of the most vocal, passionate fans in the league, Pittsburgh is one of the most talented. There are a number of current and future hall-of-famers on this year’s Penguins while the best one can say is that this year’s Philly team has a number of future ex-NHL’rs on theirs.

Yet, when the two teams meet up it makes for some of the most passionate and exciting hockey in the league. They have met 6 times in the playoffs, playing 35 games with the Flyers having the edge 19-16 in wins.

Last year, the teams combined for 45 goals and 309 penalty minutes in a spirited 6 game series; that’s an average of just over 7 goals and 50 penalty minutes a game which is 1980′s numbers. Last year, the underdog Flyers surprised the league’s best team 4 games to 2 in the first round of the playoffs. If you want goals, hits, controversy and fans being spit on, Pittsburgh and Philly are an Eastern Conference dream match-up that will be hard to beat.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 – 5%

Pittsburgh is pretty much guaranteed 1st in the East, with 10 games left. Philadelphia has to somehow gain 6 points on 3 teams to get the final playoff position. With less than 10 games remaining and having to rely on at least two of the other teams involved choking, sadly the possibility is pretty unlikely this year.

Read more at http://whatculture.com/sport/nhl-2013-6-biggest-playoff-rivalries-and-if-theyll-happen-again.php#PqlfO7krwOhKCe0Z.99

5. Montreal Canadiens Vs Boston Bruins

These teams have met a record total of 170 times in the post season, with Montreal having the huge edge in games won, 102-68 and series wins 24-9. Their first match up was in 1929, the last one in 2011. There was a period of 18 straight times the Canadiens beat the Bruins in the playoffs, a total spanning 45 years which was finally broken in 1988. Since then the teams have been on much more equal footing play-wise but Boston is considered the more dominant
physical team while Montreal the much more hospitalized team.

For example, to keep things interesting for the doctors, there was this famous donnybrook, then this straight-to-the-hospital hit by the world’s tallest player, Zdeno Chara, and then this incident last year.

And in a classic “I’m screwing your ex-girlfriend’ move, in 2012 the Boston Bruins drafted the younger brother of Montreal Canadiens star defencemen P.K. Subban in the NHL entry league draft, making for future family gatherings at the Subban household somewhat uncomfortable I am sure.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013- 60%

With Montreal and Boston both in the upper half of the current standings, a renewal of the league’s longest rivalry is within possibility. Both teams would have to beat their first round opponents and survive the inevitable Montreal riots that will follow each series victory. Boston, having won the Cup 2 years ago and standing behind the giant Zdeno Chara would be a ‘tall’ test for Montreal but all bets are off when it comes to the Canadiens and their storied history of beating the Bruins when it matters

4. Edmonton Oilers Vs Calgary Flames AKA The Battle of Alberta

During the later eighties, the victor of this series was all but guaranteed to go on and win the Stanley Cup, 7 times in 8 years. Geographically Edmonton and Calgary are a short (for Canada) 4 hour freeway ride from each other which made for plenty of beer-drinking fans making the trek either way to show their support. The Oilers, the undisputed (except by Calgary) team of the eighties were packed with hall of fame talent that were setting records at an amazing pace, the Flames were like the little brother tired of big brother getting all the attention. The Flames only managed to beat the Oilers once in the playoffs back in 1986, thanks to a fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on which team you were rooting for) bounce that thanks to the internet and Flames fans, will never be forgotten.

They met a total of 30 times, with the Oilers coming out on top 19 of those. They haven’t met each other in the playoffs since 1991, when the Oilers once again eliminated the Flames from Stanley Cup contention. The Flames finally returned to the Stanley Cup Finals in 2004 putting the city into such an uproar that their fans created the now legendary Red Mile, a zone of post-game partying of New Orleans Mardi-Gras proportions. They went on to lose to an upstart Southern US expansion team. The following year the Oilers were quick to repeat the same feat, losing to another Southern US expansion team but in the more important category, named their party zone the Blue Mile showing that even in letting down all of Canada, the two still love a good competition.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 0%

Unless there's a tragic double-booking at a golf course in Red Deer, situated as it is right between the two Titanic-esque franchises, the Titanic has a better chance of rising from the ocean floor filled with Water Zombies (has that genre been created yet?) than the league has of seeing these 2 compete, not just this year but in the foreseeable future. Edmonton has a host of young stars with the right chemistry and veteran leadership have a distant shot at the playoffs if not this year, then soon. Calgary has a new juice blender in their dressing room and has just said good-bye to their team’s all-time leading scorer. Unless 7 teams above them suddenly all disappear in a tragic Titanic Water Zombie invasion the Flames and Oilers can start polishing their golf clubs now.

3. New York Rangers Vs New York Islanders Vs New Jersey Devils AKA The Battle Of New York AKA The Hudson River Rivalry

In this strange hockey love triangle in the heart of the world’s biggest market, these three teams are literally spitting distance from each other yet due to the years of inept performance mostly on the Islanders part, they have never met the Devils in the playoffs. The Rangers have no problem stepping out on their long-time state rivals to make some sweet hockey love with cross-river rivals the New Jersey Devils when it comes time for the playoffs.

The Rangers and the Devils have renewed shenanigans 6 times in the playoffs, with the Rangers coming out on top 16 of the 34 times they have faced off against each other, winning 4 series out of six.

The most memorable moment came in 1994 when NY captain Mark Messier, with his team facing elimination, took time out from apparently dating Madonna to ‘guarantee a victory’ in the upcoming game, which usually means ‘guarantee a loss’. Messier scored all 3 goals that night to defeat the Devils 3-2 and guaranteed himself a place in New York sporting history along the lines of Babe Ruth’s calling-his-shot baseball legend. The Rangers went on to win the series and their first Stanley Cup in 44 years, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in one of the closest Stanley Cup series ever played in modern times, 4 games to 3.

While the last 20 years the focus has been on the much more likely Devils/Rangers match-up the possibility of an Islanders/Rangers playoff match would have NY hockey fans salivating and an ‘all bets are off’ mentality in backing a winner, due to the bragging rights that come with each cross-town victory. Back in the day when the Islanders were considered a powerhouse team, the teams faced off in the playoffs 8 times with the Islanders having a slight edge in wins 20-19.

Another great byproduct of this series would be the re-introduction of some of the most spirited crowd taunts in league history; Ranger fans have their favourite; “Potvin sucks“, a reference to the all-star Islander defenceman Denis Potvin who retired decades ago yet apparently is still popular while Islanders fan have adopted a rendition of ‘The Rangers suck’ to accompany the Chicken Dance Polka. Yes, it sounds lame but one has to admit is pretty funny when you hear it.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 10%

All 3 of these teams still have a viable chance to make the playoffs, it will be an uphill battle much like Toronto and Ottawa. All will have to defeat far superior opponents (and/or Ottawa) to get the chance to be able to ride the bus to their next away game and be back before bedtime. The Devils do have the greatest goalie in the game in net and the Rangers have the handsomest one. The shock of having to consider that the Islanders might beat one of them out of a playoff spot will be pretty awkward on the final day of the regular season. 

2. Toronto Maple Leafs Vs Ottawa Senators AKA The Battle of Ontario 

Another all Canadian match-up, these two teams have met 24 times in the playoffs since the year 2000 when they faced off 4 of 5 years, with Toronto coming out on top in 16 of those games, eliminating the Ottawa Senators in every series they met.

The bitterness between the two teams has had some great moments, with Ottawa captain Daniel Alfredson going all Mark Messier and guaranteeing a win in a do-or-die game back in 2004. The Senators won the game but forgot that they still needed to win one more, bowing out in an anticlimatic 4-1 loss in game 7.

Toronto has long been considered the center of the hockey universe by Torontonians but the pecularity of the team having to play in the post-season, something that hasn’t been done in nearly a decade may be too much for their collective head to fathom as they usually reserve the Spring for watching baseball’s Toronto Blue Jays start their yearly fall from playoff contention.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 20%

While it is likely both these teams might make the playoffs, they will both first have to beat far superior opponents (Pittsburgh/Montreal/Boston) in the first round. For both teams to pull off major upsets will be a great surprise, but stranger things have happened. Toronto will have to shrug off the celebration of just finally making the playoffs having been in the longest playoff drought in the league and their storied history. Most of Ottawa is still not aware their team is in the playoffs yet and will wonder why it’s so hard to find parking around the hockey arena.

1. Vancouver Canucks Vs Chicago Blackhawks AKA TBA

Although these teams have met relatively few times in their history it has really gathered steam in the last few seasons as most other playoff series in the Western Conference are only a prelude to this match up, much like the Battle of Alberta in the 80′s.

Ironically, Vancouver owes Chicago for it’s wildly popular ’Towel Power’ playoff theme from their first playoff series back in 1982. The scene of Head Coach Roger Nielson holding up a white towel in surrender to the game’s officials has become iconic in NHL playoff lore and Vancouver has been waving that flag ever since, without really understanding the irony. I guess because it’s Vancouver.

Chicago won hard-fought and hair-pulling (literally) series in 2009 and 2010 in 6 games. Vancouver finally beat Chicago in 2011, surviving blowing a 3 game lead to win on an overtime winner in game 7, 4 games to 3.

Adding fuel to this rivalry were some comments made by Chicago’s Dave Bolland on a local radio station a couple years ago regarding the Canucks star twin forwards, Daniel and Henrik Sedin and the city of Vancouver itself;

“[The Sedin twins will] never become ‘Hawks,” Bolland said. “I don’t think we’d let them on our team. That’d probably be one thing. We’d be sure not to let them on our team. And, yeah, they probably still would be sisters. I think they might sleep in, like, bunk beds. The older one has the bottom one, the younger one’s got the top.

“There’s a lot of weirdos [in Vancouver]. You don’t want to be out there too long.”

To be fair, Vancouver does have a lot of weirdos, having lived there myself for five years. With both teams consistently in the top 5 of league standings over the last half-decade, the passion and hatred that fuels this rivalry make it hard to beat.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 90%

Both these teams are tops in their conference and are considered Cup favourites again. An anomaly last year led to both teams being defeated by far weaker (on paper) opponents, denying hard-core fans a 4th straight year of amazing intense hockey. I don’t see that happening again. Chicago has been amazing this year, going the first half undefeated over 24 games. Vancouver has 2 arguably all-star goalies on their roster to lean on if either one goes south. However, so does Chicago.

If you only pick one series to watch, this is it. If either team is able to get out of this series with relatively few injuries, look for the eventual Stanley Cup winner

Off Season Game Plan The Florida Panthers Edition

In which blahblahblah...

Florida Panthers. Tampa Bay's older, less successful brother. He's the NHL equivalent of the bartender who remembers what it was like in the 'good ol' days' and is having a mid-life crisis because of how successful his younger brother is. Kinda like JD's brother in Scrubs. You know, the guy who played Ed and the guy who mentors the Flash?

The Off-Season Game Plan: The Colorado Avalanche Edition

In which I realize I can't possibly have a life and keep up to Scott Cullen, who does these over at TSN and gets paid. So I do it for fun and practice.

The Colorado Avalanche aka The Return of the King Year 3

It was the best of times. After several below par seasons, Avalanche all-star Joe Sakic reached out to another former Colorado all-star. King Patrick Roy returned to the NHL after a semi-successful training session in Junior as father/coach. While he successfully jumped back into the NHL, his two sons have found truer callings and conveniently forget to send him Father's Day cards (maybe, what do I know?). Post note Bobby Nadreau no longer pretends to be invisible to avoid conflict.


King Roy arrived in Denver with his customary flash - losing his shit in his first (?) game with Bruce Boudreau.

Hey forget ISIS, the NHL is nearly set to 'Distraction'

So it's near puck drop - all you hockey nuts have signed up for a minimum of 5 different hockey pools. Some are friends/family pools, others are clever marketing ploys that gives the host company consent to send you emails in a roundabout attempt to avoid Canadian anti-spamming legislation.

Anyone who is anyone (who is getting paid to provide content in sports-themed web pages) has already supplied their season previews. Yet Ogie hasn't. Why?

Because I'm not getting paid, I have kids and I've been hitting dynasty status on EA/NHL2014 with my Chicago Blackhawks. It takes up more time than you realize.

So here's my quick rankings of this year's edition of the NHL just so i can look back nine months from now and see if i should become a professional gambler.

Quick off-season note - while I am a fan of the 'fining coach's for players diving rule, one big change which takes away from the game is the tripping from behind even if you have touched the puck first.
We (especially if you played defense) all loved to see a defenceman lunge at someone on a near breakaway, poking away the puck with his stick before the player falls to the ice and possibly plows into the goalie. That's now a penalty. That sucks. But otherwise, I've paid little attention to off-season changes because it keeps chipping away at the Game Canada Loves.

Let's start with my limited knowledge of off-season antics and predict who goes where.

30 Carolina Hurricanes - Sounds like a soccer team, has 2 Staal brothers that underperformed last year. Apparently Jordan's leg also underperformed in the pre-season. Cam Ward has been riding his one great year of goaliedom for the last 8 years now.

29 Buffalo Sabres - they will move up from last to not-last this year, thanks to the strong showing of Carolina.

28 Calgary Flames - look at the west, I mean look at it! The only break for the Flames will be when an Eastern Conference opponent comes into town at which time they will be playing mostly only good teams.

27 New Jersey - when your leading scorer is geriatric Jaromir Jagr and your leading goalie just won't retire peacefully, something has to give and it's going to be New Jersey's win column.

26  Florida Panthers - Luongo in net, Dave Bolland up front. Jonathon Huberdeau begging to go on IR - this is a team that I think will surprise many by not actually doing much this year.

25  Edmonton Oilers - in keeping with tradition, the Oilers have it in spades. The last time they were a serious contender was when it was a choice between Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin. Tyler Seguin still sends Kevin Lowe Xmas cards thanking him for the choice.

24  Philadelphia Flyers - I hope I'm wrong but this team is a Yo-Yo of emotions and place in the standings and in the tough (cough) Eastern conference, Philly relies too much on Chris Pronger's relevance and their middle of the pack goaltending. They are only one IR away from not making the playoffs and this year is probably it.

23  Toronto Maple Leafs - Look, I really, really, really want the Leafs to get in the playoffs just so TSN will stop talking about that next year. And maybe they will have another epic meltdown like they did with Boston (too soon?).

21  Winnipeg Jets - they will continue to surprise by being the team that everyone forgets how hard they fought for to come back to Manitoba. Sadly, they are still in the Western Conference.

20  Ottawa Senators - When your team is known for your coach's moustache and every news outlets pines for his doppelganger to appear behind the bench again you could be in trouble. Thankfully, the expectations are so low on this team that they could laugh their way to a playoff spot.

The Middle of the Packers or who knows.

19  Arizona Coyotes - trying to get rid of the stigma of being called Phoenix although they played in Scarsdale, the marketing team comes up with a clever ploy to introduce hockey into Arizona state by rebranding them the Arizona Coyotes.

18  Nashville Predators - What's the worst place they could come in given they are in the same division as Winnipeg - second to last.

(formerly 22)  New York Islanders - Remember last year when there was all that talk about the Islanders finally being relevant again? Then Tavares was injured in the Olympics and the Islanders disappeared? That was fun. The next big news will be when they move into their new arena in Brooklyn and that will probably be the last you hear of them in Canada.

NEWSFLASH - Isles acquire Boychuck and Leddy, 2 Stanley cup winning Joe Lunchbucket defencemen that should carry them into the playoffs this year. Things are looking up for the Isles faithful.

17  Columbus Blue Jackets - continue to defy their existence by keeping those Quebec Nordique 3rd jerseys packed up in the attic of the arena.

16  Tampa Bay Lightning - thinking of changing their name simply to Tampa Bay Stamkos's.

15  Colorado Avalanche - the surprise team of last year won't surprise anyone this year. Patrick Roy will freak out but he's no John Tortorella and won't be suspended because everyone likes him.

14  Washington Capitals - Pretty much the same team as last year, except for their coach, their defense and Ovechkin's teeth.

13  Detroit Red Wings - will make the playoffs out of sheer habit once again.

12  Minnesota Wild - in a clever marketing ploy, the Wild have told their fans that Zach Parise and Ryan Suter are just 'getting started'. Whatever that means.

11 Pittsburgh Penguins - I hate them because I continually want to spell penguins like penquins.

10  New York Rangers - Messier is still not allowed past the player's entrance. Good for them. Rick Nash will find hockey fun again.

9  San Jose Sharks - will lower their expectations a bit this year and decide to choke in the early months for awhile before making it into the playoffs where they can once again choke as per expectations.

8  Vancouver Canucks - A return to offensive zone starts for the Sedins can only lead to more goals for the duo. Ryan Miller will reintroduce Miller-Time to a new generation.

7  Dallas Stars - so far off the radar that they will be the new Colorado Avalanche.

6 Montreal Canadiens - PK Subban is finally making the money he's always been expecting to earn and has given his two younger brothers big competition for the 'least-disappointing Subban'.

5  Boston Bruins - still led by Chara, Bergeron and Rask. Still literally the biggest legitimate threat in the East.

4-1 Chicago Blackhawks, LA Kings, Anaheim Ducks, St. Louis will all finish first in the league. It won't be easy but it will be done.

A good article explaining Hockey to The English.

In an effort to move that previous post down a notch as its been visually hampering Ogie's blog layout, here's a picture I find amusing and a link to a blog post explaining hockey to English soccer/football fans.

Ogie's Answers to Everything...Part 33

People often ask me at work "Ogie, why aren't you wearing any pants?" and I just look at them and laugh. Then I realize that I don't work with anybody and I need to get some sleep.

But I can't, there's too much shit going on out there that craves my attention. Like why the hell is TSN the breaking news for any gossip concerning the Vancouver Canucks? Shouldn't the Vancouver Canucks be breaking their own news first. Sometimes I swear that new Canuck president Trevor Linden is getting his daily 'to-do' list from Bob McKenzie and the morning edition of Sportsdesk.

Trevor, your answer is ...

That said here are Ogie's other solutions to some things that keep me awake and mad at night.

Issue 1 - The NHL disparity of East vs West. 

It's been over a month now since the LA Kings defeated the Chicago Blackhawks for the 2014 Stanley Cup. It was an incredible series that showcased everything that was great about the NHL. Hitting, beards and no Pierre McGuire. That said, the Kings had to delay their party for a week as per NHL regulations the winner of the Eastern Conference was allowed a shot at the title. Despite an overwhelming majority stating the end result was as predictable as the Dawson City Klondikers/Ottawa Silver 7 Stanley Cup match of 1905, the NHL still insisted that the Kings play five more games against the New York Rangers who could only milk the emotion of the death of Marty St. Louis' mom for so long.

Barring the Boston Bruins win over the much-favored Vancouver Canucks (cough) in 2011 the West has dominated the NHL for the last five years. The East Coast teams, despite the easier traveling schedule, the massive amounts of press and Sidney Crosby has done nothing to make the East competitive vs. the West. Western Teams such as Phoenix, Nashville would be shoe-ins for the playoffs if they had to go against Eastern Conference teams most of the time. But due to stupid 'geography' they can't.

Retro Post - What you need to know, the nhl 2013

- just a blast from the past. As in last year. A rejected piece that will now see the light of the Internet for the first time. 

The National Hockey League is Crazy; What you Need to Know About the 2013 NHL Season

Is this a lock-out year or not?

  Looking to widen your sports knowledge to something outside of the local football league? Perhaps you are looking to butter up those Canadian tourists that wandered into your bar and will tend to tip way too much if someone mentions hockey around them. Whatever your reasons, welcome home.

 Last year I started submitting some posts to WhatCulture about the NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world. The NHL stands to begin it’s 94th year of play (give or take) next month. And this year is no different as there is much excitement in the maple syrup-flavoured air, hockey-stank excitement. Nobody in Canada has been this excited about the NHL starting up since last season when it finally began after another epic Lock-Out, which will be discussed later.

 In what went down as the greatest Stanley Cup Finals ever played since 2012, the Chicago Blackhawks stunned the Boston Bruins with 2 goals in the final 90 seconds in Game 6 to clinch hockey’s greatest trophy. It was karmic retaliation of sorts, for the Bruins had earlier made the biggest comeback in history to defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in Game 7 of a playoff series earlier which everybody outside of Toronto found hilarious. If none of that made any sense to you, welcome to…

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW OF THE NHL AS A NON-FAN;

14 Subjectively Amazing Facts About... Marian Hossa

On a team that has it's fair share of marquee players, Marian Hossa is a bit of an oddity. Odd in that out of everyone on the Blackhawks, he has the most Stanley Cup experience. On a team overflowing in talent in pretty much every aspect of the game and on every line, Hossa has one amazing feat that goes relatively unnoticed; he has appeared in more Stanley Cup Finals in the last six years than anyone but Don Cherry and Ron MacLean.

Canada's most trusted news sources

Sure, on a team that has perennial all-stars Jonathon Toews, Patrick Kane, Duncan Keith hogging most of the media attention it's easy to forget that Hossa kind of takes his place along players like Patrick Sharp, Brent Seabrook, Corey Crawford and Brian Bickell. But he's the ultimate 'been-there/done-that' player when it comes to the Stanley Cup, playing in more Finals Series than anyone since the days of the Oilers Dynasty, when most of that nucleus missed only two Finals in the decade, allowing the Flames and the Canadiens to take home the Glory. But none of them played on three different teams to get there. In fact, since Marian joined the NHL in 98-99 he has missed the post-season only twice in his career, both times with the Atlanta Thrashers.   Click below to find out some other interesting facts about Chicago's other star.

2104 Hockey Playoffs - The Year of the Duck?

Visual Representation of the Western Conference Playoffs

The Western Conference;

The best way to dissect the Western Conference is to imagine a gathering of high octane muscle cars, the kind that would make Vin Diesel wet his pants in glee. Then imagine all those cars entering a demolition derby, smashing the shit out of each other in an attempt to be the last one standing. Then the winner of which gets to meet Jarome Iginla and the Boston Bruins for the Stanley Cup.

That's what the Western Conference is like; a hockey royal rumble full of talented teams that are Stanley Cup contenders yet due to their location have to eliminate each other to get to the final prize. Half of these first round match ups would have been great Stanley Cup Finals in a perfect world. They are going to be beating the shit out of each other in the first round only to still go at it against two more opponents before they finally get a chance to meet what should be a relatively healthy Eastern opponent.

Why you never should have a hockey player do anything in social media.

This is pure awesomeness; The Penguins James Neal agreed to do a Twitter AMA (ask me anything) under hashtag #askneal.

Go here to check out the hilarious outcome and grab pad and pencil to plagiarize some of these awesome hockey-related insults!

or cut and paste this into your address bar;

http://www.crossingbroad.com/2014/03/the-penguins-askneal-twitter-hashtag-went-horribly-wrong.html

All-Time WTF Canucks Moments or And the winner of the Vancouver Goaltending Controversy is... Eddie Lack?

Little does he know by next week his life will be hell.

Man, here I was thinking i'd be done writing about hockey for awhile, maybe write something about being a dad then Mike Gillis goes off and does something that shocks most of the hockey world more then seeing that Iron Mike Keenan in Russia documentary on Sportsnet. Luongo finally gets traded for a 3rd string goalie, only months after the Canucks dealt away their other #1 netminder, Cory Schneider.  In less than a year, the Canucks have lost 2 starting goalies, their most successful head coach, and the once dominant scoring machine Sedins are both approaching their worst offensive outputs in their careers.  

But how does this rate in the Vancouver Canuck all-time list of colossal WTF moments?

Here's my Favourites, in semi-random order.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Sweden 4 The Gold Entry #8

Drew Doughty Vs. the World 

Entry #8

WORLD'S GOVERNING BODY REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE TEAM CANADA SUPREMACY
(OR)
NEW WORLD ORDER REJECTED. STEVE YZERMAN RESIGNS

The Proposed New "Eh" Team (trademark pending)

The Female version of the "Eh" Team (trademark still pending)

It happened quickly. Minutes after Team Canada defeated Team Sweden for the Olympic Gold medal in hockey (the only sport that actually mattered), the United Nations quickly blocked a motion put forward that Canada be the only nation to resolve world conflicts in the best interest of all. The ramifications were immediate. The Ukraine stopped fighting and arrested their suddenly deposed President. The Egyptian government, put in power after the "not going to call it a coup" military railed against their democratically elected Muslim President also announced it's resignation. In Afghanistan nothing happened at all which was highly unusual, except someone fucked a goat. But nothing highly unusual.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team "America" Entry #7

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #7

TEAM AMERICA PERFORMS SMALL MIRACLE - KEEPS DOUGHTY OFF SCORE SHEET, 
STILL LOSE

(OR)

TEAM CANADA DEFENDS NATIONAL HONOR - AMERICA HAS TO KEEP BIEBER

Highest stakes since 1987

It was labelled as perhaps the biggest rematch in Olympic hockey history in the last four years. Team America, averaging a blistering 5 goals per game in the 1st round of the 2014 Olympics, was out to redeem themselves against their Northern Nemesis, Team Canada. Their last meeting was another scar on the American Winter Olympics psyche, losing a tense, action-packed gold medal game in Vancouver in 2010. The Americans were looking for redemption. Team Canada, averaging a stellar 1 Drew Doughty goal per game in the 1st round, were trying to fulfill every Canadian's wish to keep Justin Bieber in the United States.

The teams circled each other warily for 60+ minutes, with both teams refusing to even enter their respective dressing rooms until the other went first. It was a game heavy on a defense-first and only mentality as both teams used their considerable offensive talent to continually hold the door open for their defensive corps and try to catch up to them when they were in the offensive zone. Both teams worked equally hard at boring the other team and countries enough to force someone to make a mistake. Unfortunately for the fans, with both teams heavy on NHL talent, a boring, repetitive by-the-numbers game was exactly the type of game they watched.

"It was just like the first half of the year," said Cory Perry, "only without the scoring."

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team "Latvia" Entry #6

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #6

TEAM CANADA DESTROYS ODDLY FAMILIAR-LOOKING LATVIAN TEAM

(OR)

TEAM CANADA PETITIONS OLYMPICS IN REGARDS TO TED NOLAN'S CITIZENSHIP

Latvia's Near-Victory Parade,
Pictured; Latvian President for Life, Head Marshall and Team Goaltender Kristers Gudlevskis
with a few of his bodyguards

Everywhere a Canadian reporter looked for post-game interviews following Team Latvia's triumph of the will but not scoreboard over Team Canada, losing 2-1, there were familiar faces. Problem was they were all inside the Latvian dressing room. And they weren't Canadian, so the official statement said thereby all interview requests were denied.

"The peculiar similarities between the Latvian team and some of the players we know and play against in the NHL were oddly familiar. I mean the resemblance was uncanny." said Patrick Marleau, "Their number 19? He totally looked like Joe Thornton with his beard shaved off. He even said 'Hi, Pat' to me on a face-off."

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Finland Entry #5

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #5

TEAM CANADA PETITIONS TO CHANGE NAME TO DOUGHTY & CO.

(OR)

TEAM CANADA WATCHES DOUGHTY DESTROY WHAT'S LEFT OF TEAM FINLAND

Shouldn't someone go help out Drew?

It was all over as soon as Mike Babcock started lacing up Drew Doughty's skates before the pre-game skate but Olympic rules stated Team Canada still had to go out on the ice and wait for Doughty to decide when it was over. He has become hockey's Chuck Norris.

In what is the biggest story to come out of the Winter Olympics since this story yesterday on the Olympic village, Canada's #1 player hasn't been any of the other 25 NHL All-stars on the team but a defenceman that wasn't even picked to be able to make the Olympic team by one humble blogger with no NHL experience.

Drew Doughty decimated Team Finland, themselves decimated by NHL caliber injuries to NHL'rs Mikko Koivu, Valteri Filppula and Aleksander Barkov. Doughty controlled the puck at will, deciding when he would allow others to have the puck (ie; when he wasn't on the ice) and when he would score. Throughout the game Doughty controlled the play, like Godzilla fighting the Japanese army or Donald Trump deciding which Apprentice is the best ass kisser.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Austria Entry #4

Drew Doughty Vs. The World 

Entry #4

TEAM CANADA AVOIDS NAIL-BITER IN NAIL-BITING WIN OVER TEAM AUSTRIA! 

(or)

PANDEMONIUM REIGNS AT JEFF CARTER'S AGENT'S HOUSE!

Team Austria's sweater strategy was interesting, but irrelevant.

The tension was evident on the Team Canada bench as their second game of the Olympics ended with the 26 NHL All-Stars of Canadian descent winning a squeaker against Team Austria, 6-0. The final winner was always in doubt up until the Olympics game schedule was announced months ago and if wasn't for the LA Kings' Jeff Carter scoring a hat-trick, the score would have been probably the same, if not higher, just with other players scoring.

"It wasn't easy," said Cory Perry, "I mean instead of passing the puck to one of us to score, Jeff would just shoot it in himself. That's a lot of pressure on the rest of us now to inflate our stats for our next contract negotiations. Jeff can just sit back and do what he does naturally, sit back."

The Olympics Day Late Update - Team Canada vs. Norway Entry #3

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #3 

CANADA DESTROYS NORWAY IN OLYMPIC HOCKEY!

(or)

NHL ALL-STARS OBLITERATE MATS ZUCCARELLO AND FRIENDS

Team Canada upon hearing that Team Norway showed up for the game

 The defense of the Olympic gold medal in hockey started yesterday or today (I'm not familiar with the international date line) with Team Canada, perhaps the most dominant team ever, barring your fake EA NHL all-star team, taking on Norway. In a match reminiscent of the German blitzkrieg of Poland (who both coincidentally didn't qualify) the Canadian favourites devastated the self-esteem of the country best known for it's calendar content exports, 3-1.

self-esteem; Still OK.

The Canadian Olympic Hockey Team Roster Entry #2

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #2 

I can't even begin to say how many times I have been out and about and heard 'Hey, you're Ogie Oglethorpe, aren't you? What do you think of the Olympic hockey roster?'. 

I find it interesting anyone cares of my opinion on anything hockey-related as I continually finish in last place in any hockey pool I join. Perhaps they want my advice before they go and bet against it. Heck, I probably would too. But in all fairness and critique to my commissioner, dynasty hockey pools suck if you start out losing. 

1st things 1st, I don't care about the Olympics. Not one bit. I'd rather Canada took pride in other, more important things such as leading the world in cancer cures or space exploration or alternative fuel sources or social health or righting economic inequity or the number of rescued dogs and cats than to take pride a Canadian won a medal with a 4 year time limit that states they were Doubles Moguls Half-Pipe Champion or one of the best in 2-man Figure skating, which even I know is 20% skill and 100% politics.  

It's a thing, I saw it on TV so it must be true.

That said, I am Canadian, I am male so I have to have a vested interest in hockey. It's in our Constitution, somewhere near the bottom with an addendum that follows on the back that now includes women's hockey. 

But I need something to write about, so I'm going to go back and review my own predictions for the Men's Hockey Team and see how I did. I wrote about it here, back in August when all of Canada came in from the Lake and watched the roster announcements with bated breath, clutching their Canada flags. These picks were obviously before the TSN/Earth shocking news of Steve Stamkos injury and his super-human attempt to defy the laws of nature and bone structure to return in time for the Olympics. 

So how did I do, Ogie?