The NHL Free Agent Frenzy Winners and Losers

Crib Notes from Day One of the 2016 Free Agent Frenzy

I might explore earlier free agent signings before July 1st on another day but let's just start with what's in the news today. Back-up goalies! Long-term contracts! Lotsa Money!

Who needs a back-up goalie? Apparently seven teams.

Captains on the Move? Hall, Backes, Ladd, Eric Staal, I appreciate Hall's 'Good Soldier' quote and I predict better things for him in New Jersey, like winning.

Who needs a long-term contract? 8 players apparently want that stability of the long-term deal, no matter which team it is.

Who got the best deal? - I think Dallas grabbing Dan Hamhuis for an already deep defensive corps and powerful offense is a steal. Surprised/not surprised Vancouver let the home town boy go.

Who took the biggest chance? Undoubtedly the Montreal Canadians. PK Subban gone, Price still yet to show he's game-ready then they go and pay $5 million for most likely a one and done Radulov season.

Marc Bergevin?

The Saga of John Scott, NHL All-Star?

John Scott. Most everyone not associated with the NHL PR machine have no idea who he is. A lot of people in the NHL probably don't know who he is. Except Phil Kessel. Simply put, John Scott is one of the last of a special breed of hockey player. He's a pugilist, an enforcer, an intimidater, a goon. No matter how you put it, out of all the teams he has played for (9 and counting) he has never been hired to put the puck in the net. He's been hired to serve and protect, old school.

2013 6 NHL playoff rivalries and chances if we will see them again

THE RETRO-FILES: Golden Oldies 2013
or Better save this for posterity before the original website goes belly up and deletes all my contributions. 

The NHL playoffs start on April 30th. Here is a quick primer for your hockey sports fans on playoff series to watch, why, and chances of it happening.

The NHL is about to begin its 95th Stanley Cup campaign. It’s 2.5 months of heightened intensity and do-or-die attitudes and for many men it will be their only chance to have their name etched forever on hockey’s holy grail. It’s a dream many have had since they first laced up a pair of skates and have worked on all their lives. It takes 16 games to win the Stanley Cup but only 4 games lost to have that dream crushed. As with all great sporting leagues, there are a few rivalries that all marketing men and homer fans hope for as teams with a history of going head to head in the playoffs bring some of the most exciting hockey that will be witnessed this lock-out shortened year.

Thanks to the internet and proliferation of free televised sporting events sites, new and old fans from overseas have more opportunity than ever before to watch some of the greatest, high-intensity hockey you will see this year in an ever-evolving game for better or worse.

Here are 6 of the biggest rivalries in the NHL and the chances of us seeing them on the ice this year…

6. Pittsburgh Penguins Vs Philadelphia Flyers AKA The Battle of Penn State.

Philly has some of the most vocal, passionate fans in the league, Pittsburgh is one of the most talented. There are a number of current and future hall-of-famers on this year’s Penguins while the best one can say is that this year’s Philly team has a number of future ex-NHL’rs on theirs.

Yet, when the two teams meet up it makes for some of the most passionate and exciting hockey in the league. They have met 6 times in the playoffs, playing 35 games with the Flyers having the edge 19-16 in wins.

Last year, the teams combined for 45 goals and 309 penalty minutes in a spirited 6 game series; that’s an average of just over 7 goals and 50 penalty minutes a game which is 1980′s numbers. Last year, the underdog Flyers surprised the league’s best team 4 games to 2 in the first round of the playoffs. If you want goals, hits, controversy and fans being spit on, Pittsburgh and Philly are an Eastern Conference dream match-up that will be hard to beat.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 – 5%

Pittsburgh is pretty much guaranteed 1st in the East, with 10 games left. Philadelphia has to somehow gain 6 points on 3 teams to get the final playoff position. With less than 10 games remaining and having to rely on at least two of the other teams involved choking, sadly the possibility is pretty unlikely this year.

Read more at http://whatculture.com/sport/nhl-2013-6-biggest-playoff-rivalries-and-if-theyll-happen-again.php#PqlfO7krwOhKCe0Z.99

5. Montreal Canadiens Vs Boston Bruins

These teams have met a record total of 170 times in the post season, with Montreal having the huge edge in games won, 102-68 and series wins 24-9. Their first match up was in 1929, the last one in 2011. There was a period of 18 straight times the Canadiens beat the Bruins in the playoffs, a total spanning 45 years which was finally broken in 1988. Since then the teams have been on much more equal footing play-wise but Boston is considered the more dominant
physical team while Montreal the much more hospitalized team.

For example, to keep things interesting for the doctors, there was this famous donnybrook, then this straight-to-the-hospital hit by the world’s tallest player, Zdeno Chara, and then this incident last year.

And in a classic “I’m screwing your ex-girlfriend’ move, in 2012 the Boston Bruins drafted the younger brother of Montreal Canadiens star defencemen P.K. Subban in the NHL entry league draft, making for future family gatherings at the Subban household somewhat uncomfortable I am sure.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013- 60%

With Montreal and Boston both in the upper half of the current standings, a renewal of the league’s longest rivalry is within possibility. Both teams would have to beat their first round opponents and survive the inevitable Montreal riots that will follow each series victory. Boston, having won the Cup 2 years ago and standing behind the giant Zdeno Chara would be a ‘tall’ test for Montreal but all bets are off when it comes to the Canadiens and their storied history of beating the Bruins when it matters

4. Edmonton Oilers Vs Calgary Flames AKA The Battle of Alberta

During the later eighties, the victor of this series was all but guaranteed to go on and win the Stanley Cup, 7 times in 8 years. Geographically Edmonton and Calgary are a short (for Canada) 4 hour freeway ride from each other which made for plenty of beer-drinking fans making the trek either way to show their support. The Oilers, the undisputed (except by Calgary) team of the eighties were packed with hall of fame talent that were setting records at an amazing pace, the Flames were like the little brother tired of big brother getting all the attention. The Flames only managed to beat the Oilers once in the playoffs back in 1986, thanks to a fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on which team you were rooting for) bounce that thanks to the internet and Flames fans, will never be forgotten.

They met a total of 30 times, with the Oilers coming out on top 19 of those. They haven’t met each other in the playoffs since 1991, when the Oilers once again eliminated the Flames from Stanley Cup contention. The Flames finally returned to the Stanley Cup Finals in 2004 putting the city into such an uproar that their fans created the now legendary Red Mile, a zone of post-game partying of New Orleans Mardi-Gras proportions. They went on to lose to an upstart Southern US expansion team. The following year the Oilers were quick to repeat the same feat, losing to another Southern US expansion team but in the more important category, named their party zone the Blue Mile showing that even in letting down all of Canada, the two still love a good competition.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 0%

Unless there's a tragic double-booking at a golf course in Red Deer, situated as it is right between the two Titanic-esque franchises, the Titanic has a better chance of rising from the ocean floor filled with Water Zombies (has that genre been created yet?) than the league has of seeing these 2 compete, not just this year but in the foreseeable future. Edmonton has a host of young stars with the right chemistry and veteran leadership have a distant shot at the playoffs if not this year, then soon. Calgary has a new juice blender in their dressing room and has just said good-bye to their team’s all-time leading scorer. Unless 7 teams above them suddenly all disappear in a tragic Titanic Water Zombie invasion the Flames and Oilers can start polishing their golf clubs now.

3. New York Rangers Vs New York Islanders Vs New Jersey Devils AKA The Battle Of New York AKA The Hudson River Rivalry

In this strange hockey love triangle in the heart of the world’s biggest market, these three teams are literally spitting distance from each other yet due to the years of inept performance mostly on the Islanders part, they have never met the Devils in the playoffs. The Rangers have no problem stepping out on their long-time state rivals to make some sweet hockey love with cross-river rivals the New Jersey Devils when it comes time for the playoffs.

The Rangers and the Devils have renewed shenanigans 6 times in the playoffs, with the Rangers coming out on top 16 of the 34 times they have faced off against each other, winning 4 series out of six.

The most memorable moment came in 1994 when NY captain Mark Messier, with his team facing elimination, took time out from apparently dating Madonna to ‘guarantee a victory’ in the upcoming game, which usually means ‘guarantee a loss’. Messier scored all 3 goals that night to defeat the Devils 3-2 and guaranteed himself a place in New York sporting history along the lines of Babe Ruth’s calling-his-shot baseball legend. The Rangers went on to win the series and their first Stanley Cup in 44 years, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in one of the closest Stanley Cup series ever played in modern times, 4 games to 3.

While the last 20 years the focus has been on the much more likely Devils/Rangers match-up the possibility of an Islanders/Rangers playoff match would have NY hockey fans salivating and an ‘all bets are off’ mentality in backing a winner, due to the bragging rights that come with each cross-town victory. Back in the day when the Islanders were considered a powerhouse team, the teams faced off in the playoffs 8 times with the Islanders having a slight edge in wins 20-19.

Another great byproduct of this series would be the re-introduction of some of the most spirited crowd taunts in league history; Ranger fans have their favourite; “Potvin sucks“, a reference to the all-star Islander defenceman Denis Potvin who retired decades ago yet apparently is still popular while Islanders fan have adopted a rendition of ‘The Rangers suck’ to accompany the Chicken Dance Polka. Yes, it sounds lame but one has to admit is pretty funny when you hear it.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 10%

All 3 of these teams still have a viable chance to make the playoffs, it will be an uphill battle much like Toronto and Ottawa. All will have to defeat far superior opponents (and/or Ottawa) to get the chance to be able to ride the bus to their next away game and be back before bedtime. The Devils do have the greatest goalie in the game in net and the Rangers have the handsomest one. The shock of having to consider that the Islanders might beat one of them out of a playoff spot will be pretty awkward on the final day of the regular season. 

2. Toronto Maple Leafs Vs Ottawa Senators AKA The Battle of Ontario 

Another all Canadian match-up, these two teams have met 24 times in the playoffs since the year 2000 when they faced off 4 of 5 years, with Toronto coming out on top in 16 of those games, eliminating the Ottawa Senators in every series they met.

The bitterness between the two teams has had some great moments, with Ottawa captain Daniel Alfredson going all Mark Messier and guaranteeing a win in a do-or-die game back in 2004. The Senators won the game but forgot that they still needed to win one more, bowing out in an anticlimatic 4-1 loss in game 7.

Toronto has long been considered the center of the hockey universe by Torontonians but the pecularity of the team having to play in the post-season, something that hasn’t been done in nearly a decade may be too much for their collective head to fathom as they usually reserve the Spring for watching baseball’s Toronto Blue Jays start their yearly fall from playoff contention.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 20%

While it is likely both these teams might make the playoffs, they will both first have to beat far superior opponents (Pittsburgh/Montreal/Boston) in the first round. For both teams to pull off major upsets will be a great surprise, but stranger things have happened. Toronto will have to shrug off the celebration of just finally making the playoffs having been in the longest playoff drought in the league and their storied history. Most of Ottawa is still not aware their team is in the playoffs yet and will wonder why it’s so hard to find parking around the hockey arena.

1. Vancouver Canucks Vs Chicago Blackhawks AKA TBA

Although these teams have met relatively few times in their history it has really gathered steam in the last few seasons as most other playoff series in the Western Conference are only a prelude to this match up, much like the Battle of Alberta in the 80′s.

Ironically, Vancouver owes Chicago for it’s wildly popular ’Towel Power’ playoff theme from their first playoff series back in 1982. The scene of Head Coach Roger Nielson holding up a white towel in surrender to the game’s officials has become iconic in NHL playoff lore and Vancouver has been waving that flag ever since, without really understanding the irony. I guess because it’s Vancouver.

Chicago won hard-fought and hair-pulling (literally) series in 2009 and 2010 in 6 games. Vancouver finally beat Chicago in 2011, surviving blowing a 3 game lead to win on an overtime winner in game 7, 4 games to 3.

Adding fuel to this rivalry were some comments made by Chicago’s Dave Bolland on a local radio station a couple years ago regarding the Canucks star twin forwards, Daniel and Henrik Sedin and the city of Vancouver itself;

“[The Sedin twins will] never become ‘Hawks,” Bolland said. “I don’t think we’d let them on our team. That’d probably be one thing. We’d be sure not to let them on our team. And, yeah, they probably still would be sisters. I think they might sleep in, like, bunk beds. The older one has the bottom one, the younger one’s got the top.

“There’s a lot of weirdos [in Vancouver]. You don’t want to be out there too long.”

To be fair, Vancouver does have a lot of weirdos, having lived there myself for five years. With both teams consistently in the top 5 of league standings over the last half-decade, the passion and hatred that fuels this rivalry make it hard to beat.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 90%

Both these teams are tops in their conference and are considered Cup favourites again. An anomaly last year led to both teams being defeated by far weaker (on paper) opponents, denying hard-core fans a 4th straight year of amazing intense hockey. I don’t see that happening again. Chicago has been amazing this year, going the first half undefeated over 24 games. Vancouver has 2 arguably all-star goalies on their roster to lean on if either one goes south. However, so does Chicago.

If you only pick one series to watch, this is it. If either team is able to get out of this series with relatively few injuries, look for the eventual Stanley Cup winner

Off Season Game Plan The Florida Panthers Edition

In which blahblahblah...

Florida Panthers. Tampa Bay's older, less successful brother. He's the NHL equivalent of the bartender who remembers what it was like in the 'good ol' days' and is having a mid-life crisis because of how successful his younger brother is. Kinda like JD's brother in Scrubs. You know, the guy who played Ed and the guy who mentors the Flash?

The Off-Season Game Plan; San Jose Sharks Edition

By now you know how this goes. I, without any help from any stats sites or office fan boys or any pay from the NHL head office go ahead and help decide what millionaire owners should do with their money and/or their team.

This time, I'm about to get all 'up in it' with the San Jose Sharks.

The San Jose Sharks recently lost the mantle of 'perennial Cup contender' to the Anaheim Ducks this year. The Sharks have consistently been picked to be one of the top challengers to the Cup at the beginning of each year since I can remember, which is technically 2003. And yet, they have never been able to make it to the Glory Land and ticket revenues of the Stanley Cup.

It all came to a head this year when the face of the franchise and their all-time assists leader Joe Thornton was stripped of his Captaincy. Then there was the things the press made into big deals but didn't really deserve any more thought devoted to it so you will have to look it up yourself in case you don't remember.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan: The Columbus Blue Jackets

In which I hammer out my advice to NHL teams for free and without any proof to back it up, unlike Scott Cullen over at TSN, whose Off-Season Game Plan I am blatantly ripping from.

The Columbus Blue Jackets Edition

AKA The most huggable team in the Eastern Conference

First, in total honesty I have yet to figure out where Columbus is on a map. I know it is in Ohio but until recently I thought it was somewhere around Wyoming, the Saskatoon of America. Don't get me wrong, I love their flying rebel bumble bee logo and I also love Nic Foligno who I drafted lower-down in my hockey pool and who became one of my better players.

Columbus is known for 2 things. Hockey isn't one of them. It's in Ohio and named after the explorer that started a mass genocide of indigenous people 500 years ago that still has repercussions today, sor of like the NHL player's strike/walk out in 1992. And oh yeah, Rick Nash played there for 10 years.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The Philadelphia Flyers Edition

In which Scott Cullen, TSN, stats blablahblah

The Philly Flyers. One of the most legendary teams in NHL history (who, much like the topic of banning fighting) resurfaces once every 10 years to play in (and lose) the Stanley Cup Finals. Since their loss in 2010 to that weird Patrick Kane goal that nobody but Kaner knew about, it's been all downhill from there. Perhaps it was Craig Berube's coaching strategy but this is a team that underachieved this year. Don't look for it to happen again.Unless their new coach turns out to be the Barry Melrose of 2015.

The good news? As patterns go, the Flyers hit the bottom of their decade cycle and they are climbing back to the top! Just as soon as they figure out how to do that.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The New Jersey Devils

In which I read Scott Cullen's thoughts on TSN and bla blah blah - with no statistics to back it up.

The New Jersey Devils Edition

Philly fans REALLY didn't appreciate that.

 The Devils. The third corner of the NHL's biggest market. The team that made 'neutral zone trap' famous and 'Lindros! Heads up!' the last thing Eric heard on many a game day.



While it was only three years ago Marty took one last stab at a Stanley Cup, they have yet to make the playoffs since. While they did have some foresight in trading for Cory Schneider to replace the 'Will Have to Retire Someday' All-Star Martin Brodeur, they unfortunately haven't been able to do much more, and still rely on former top guns Patrick Elias (20 yrs a devil), Travis Zajac and Danius Zubrus to lead a rag-tag collection of 2nd line veterans and young defense in the hopes of one day finding a Scott Stevens or Niedermayer in the rough.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The Carolina Hurricanes Edition

In which Ogie gives another viewpoint of what needs to be done in the off-season, flagrantly lifting the idea off Scott Cullen of TSN. Only, without having any statistics to back up his plan...

The Carolina Hurricanes AKA The Arizona Coyotes of the East

Remember when the Carolina Hurricanes were relevant? No? Maybe because they never were. Ever since their move down the coast from Hartford, Carolina has lived on borrowed time. Yes, they won a Stanley Cup but even that was in one of the most boring years in recent memory. The biggest headline of the year was Steve Irwin dying (which was admittedly very tragic) and the year Facebook debuted to a mass audience.

If you are too lazy to click, it was in 2006, the year after the NHL owners locked out the players for a year, causing an avalanche of players to retire and find real work, including a handful of decent European goalies who decided to stay home; Irbe, Salo, Turek, Cechmanek are all familiar names to those who remember the dark days. Besides a lot of fringe players, former All-Star Players put out to pasture included Mark Messier, Brett Hull, Adam Oates, Scott Stevens, Al MacInnis, Vinnie Damphousse, Steve Thomas, Igor Larionov, Cliff Ronning and Felix Potvin.

Ron Francis also retired before the 2006 season. He is often regarded as the person people are least likely to know is the 4th leading scorer all-time and 2nd only to Wayne Gretzky in assists ended his career with Carolina and is currently part-owner and general manager of the Hurricanes.

I tell you all this because it's way more interesting than talking about the present-day Hurricanes.

Head Coach 

Yes. They appear to be sticking with Bill Peters, so that's a step up from many of the other teams the Hurricanes would be considered competitive with. Nobody expects much of this team at the moment so consider that job security. It would take a pretty long losing streak to put his job in jeopardy. Or if he had a Jon Tortorella type personality. But he doesn't.

Seriously, how could anyone fire this guy? 

Forwards

Well, there's 1/2 the Stall brothers in Carolina so they have that going for them. Neither had a stellar year so they have that going against them. Th younger of the two, Jordan, played only 46 games and contributed 6 goals. Captain Eric is in the last year of his whopping $8.25 million contract and if you don't think he's going to be having a better year, better call his accountant.

One also pays less in razors.

Jeff Skinner, if healthy, provides a decent 2nd liner. Victor Fask is also someone to consider in your hockey pool if +/- isn't a category. Nathan Gerbe, the shortest guy in the league (I think) should be able to provide a bit more offense this year as well and let's just pretend we don't remember Alex Semin in also on this team.

Nathan Gerbe is the one on the right...

Defense

Jean-Michael Liles and Ron Hainsey are the stalwart veterans. Justin Faulk is a future All-Star. But that's about it. Anybody recall anyone else on the blue line?

Goalies

Cam Ward is still living off his Stanley Cup win in 2006 and Carolina has never made a threatening move towards suggesting he will not be the continuing #1 goaltender. That's a problem.


My #1 Priority - Actual Hurricanes if I were to move there.
My #2 Priority - Deciding whether to trade or sign Eric Staal before the Trade Deadline
My #3 Priority - Getting a strong defensive corps and finding a goalie to challenge Ward for #!

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The Toronto Maple Leafs Edition

Here I am only 5 teams into this and I'm feeling the heat. And by heat I mean futility. This is hard work, dissecting these losing teams and coming up with some advice that will never be used by the team in question. I sometimes wonder how Scott Cullen at TSN is able to do this, especially when he tries to factor in statistics like 'points allowed when Patrick Kane is on the Ice' aka PAPKI. Then I remember he's getting paid to write and has many hours to sit at his desk and surf all the relevant websites to find evidence to back up his decisions. I also realize that the further up the points chain I go, the dissection will be easier. Chicago should be nothing more than a simple three word entry; 'All Good here'.  But then I have to find the pictures which is really half the fun but also where the real work happens.

On the other hand I have a job that allows me to write when all is quiet because technically I'm not allowed to sleep on shift.

So speaking of going to sleep, let's talk about TSN's favourite team to hate; The Toronto Maple Leafs!

The Other Off Season Game Plan - The Arizona Coyotes Edition

Big disclaimer - I know very little about hockey as compared to Scott Cullen, residential fanatic analytic expert (read; stats geek) over at TSN. But I do have some time, access to the Internet and like to write about things of little interest to most people but not about stats. So here is my off season game plan for the Arizona Coyotes, part 3 of 30.

'Hey Arizona, I'm in the Offensive zona!'

The Arizona Coyotes formerly Phoenix formerly The Original Winnipeg Jets

Arizona is known for two things and hockey isn't one of them. The Coyotes probably lead the league in Away games as it seems most of the people who attend games are there on vacation so they can have an affordable chance to see their favourite team play. It is cheaper to buy plane fare, a hotel room and Coyote tickets than it would be to see the Canucks, Maple Leafs or Canadiens play in their respective home buildings. Plus going to an NHL game allows visiting Arizona-ites to escape the Arizona heat and just the fact they live in Arizona.

Even the real coyotes seek to escape the heat

That said, even with their ambivalent fan base, Arizona had a strange year. It was like they heard about the David McConnor thing late and decided to get in on the bit of action at around Christmas time and summarily tanked hard. This was a bit hard to take for Yotes fans as they did pretty well in previous year's playoffs. They had an all-star goalie in Mike Smith, capable back-up in Devan Dubynk ad a stellar one-two punch in offensive defencemen with Keith Yandle and Oliver Ekmans-Larson. Then there was hockey rock star (by Arizona standards) Paul Bisonnette aka BizNastie. But BizNastie retired (I think) before the season started, they traded away Keith Yandle at the deadline and Mike Smith became average. They were close to winning the McDavid sweepstakes, only missing dead last by 2 points and if nothing else, a chance to get the other golden boy, Jake Eichel. But who are they going to pick for third? Probably some nobody...

But mostly they suffered from having to play in Arizo- um, the Western Conference. I mean... come on - look at that side. There was the surprising Flames success, the return to winning form of the Canucks, Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Anaheim, and The Minnesota Dubynk. Well, they all have to beat someone and that usually was Arizona.

Authentic current Coyote player

Head Coach

Currently Dave Tippett

Dave shouldn't be going anywhere and nobody expects him to (much like the Coyotes next year in the standings). He's had to watch Keith Yandle and Antoine Vermette be traded away at the deadline by the current Coyote owners (I have long lost interest in who won the lottery to own the Coyotes aka NHL code-name 'Anyone but Jim Balsillie' and is making do with a team that isn't exactly under-performing.

Plus, he has this crazy-looking dog he keeps in his office..

He's a good coach with a mediocre team that will continue to primarily fill the NHL void of having a stop-over for teams going to play in Dallas or California. He would do well to remember that the Jet/Coyote franchise is historically a yo-yo of yearly points production and after this year's poor performance should improve next year as nobody is expecting them to. They could be like the 2014 Colorado Avalanche, only without the talent.

Forwards

Someone's trying the famous Arizona peyote, I think.

The Coyotes have a group of forwards that no opponent fears and that is a problem. When their biggest concern is wondering if Sam Gagner will ever pull another 8 point night or if Shane Doan might begin telling stories that start with "I remember when..." then things are looking pretty good when a visiting team heads Arizona way. Most casual fans will be hard-pressed to name three forwards on their team but will believe that they have a pretty decent team if Arizona is in Europe (which it is not).

One of the 'Yotes seasoned veterans encouraging one of
the younger defencemen on the bench.

Defencemen

After releasing Yandle to go try out the Big City lights of the New York Rangers, its up to Oliver E-L to shoulder most of the defensive and offensive responsibility. Mike Stone is capable but the problem really lies in that they have no truly NHL ready defencemen to help OE-L. If only someone like Johnny Oduya was available to relieve that pressure.






Goalies

Will the REAL Mike Smith please stand up,
please stand up,
please stand up.

Mike Smith is still the undisputed #1 goalie and don't expect that to change anytime soon. See;Devan Dubnyk.  He should be sending Mike a Thank You and Merry Christmas card every year from now on. It would be a good idea for Arizona to acquire a quality 2nd string or even 3rd string goaltender to let Mike get some rest next year as it looks to be a busy time in the defensive end of the 'Yotes.


 Overall 

My #1 Priority - Getting Out of Arizona
My #2 Priority - Getting 6 ready-to-play defencemen
My #3 Priority - A back up goaltender who is funny on Twitter

Really, just about any goalie will do.

The Other Off Season Game Plan - Sabres Edition

Big disclaimer - I know very little about hockey as compared to Scott Cullen, residential fanatic analytic expert (read; stats geek) over at TSN. But I do have an armchair and computer and also like to sit in front of it from time to time and think about our great game of hockey and the Buffalo Sabres. So when I read that Scott is pulling together his personal game plan for each team in the NHL, I thought I would do the same, only not get paid for it.

Not exactly a happy bunch last year

But to do what Scott does it would mean I have some idea of what Scott is saying and either agree or disagree with him. I don't know any of these new stats that is all the talk this year; a SAT%REL looks to me like some type of code for NASA or perhaps a tricky algebra answer. I'm just an outsider looking in, kinda like your girlfriend's best friend that you put up with because you have to and don't want to appear rude although you know she hates you. Sort of like how Connor McDavid must feel after the lottery.

So let's see what we can do to fix the second prettiest girl at the ball, The Buffalo Sabres.

The Other Off Season Game Plan - Oilers Edition

Big disclaimer - I know very little about hockey as compared to Scott Cullen, residential fanatic analytic expert (read; stats geek) over at TSN. But I do have an armchair and computer and also like to sit in front of it from time to time and think about our great game of hockey. So when I read that Scott is pulling together his personal game plan for each team in the NHL, I thought I would do the same, only not get paid for it.

But to do what Scott does it would mean I have some idea of what Scott is saying and either agree or disagree with him. I don't know any of these new stats that is all the talk this year. To me a Corsi will always be that type of dog the Queen has or a small moped. Nor do I know anything about the Oilers farm team or for that matter, anything about the team's morale. I'm just an outsider looking in, kinda like an unwanted therapist or that drunk guy sitting alone at the bar who wants to join your conversation but you don't want to appear rude.

So let's start with his first team to suffer the wrath of the new rage of analytic analysis for anal analytics; The Edmonton Oilers.

The David McDavid-Connor Sweepstakes or What is Wrong with the NHL Draft

If you've been living in a cave this year (like I was) you emerged to find a Bizarro World of NHL standings, with the Islanders, Predators and Rangers leading the league in points. The top 10 scoring leaders peppered with unfamiliar names like Jacub Vorachuik or John Tavares or Tyler Johnson. But you have probably heard at least once this year of some kid named David McConnor (or Connor McDavid). Apparently, he's good. He's like, really, really good. He's been TSN's top pick since September 2013. He's so good, Rogers is thinking of creating a reality show around him called Hockey Night with Connor McDavid, in which the viewers get to watch this kid play hockey all the time, 82 times a year.

so good, he plays one on five. 

He's another 'Next One' and the Connor McConnor sweepstakes has made a mockery of the league draft and TSN's coverage team that borderline are stalking the guy. Sure, he's good but the attention he received has been Eric Lindros level idiotic. He broke his hand and it was national news. He's all but gift-wrapped to go as the #1 pick once we get all that pesky Stanley Cup playoffs out of the way. He's a great player but is he the NHL's next Sidney Crosby? And how does Sidney Crosby feel about being put out to pasture as the face of the NHL after 10 years? Maybe he can finally go out on a date with a girl.

My main point though is that the NHL draft is backwards to begin with. What is the point of him busting his ass to become #1 pick? He gets drafted by most likely the Buffalo Sabres, the Edmonton Oilers or the Arizona Coyotes.

Contain your excitement, Connor. 

He then has to play for a few years on a crappy team with a slim chance of getting in the playoffs unless he's with Edmonton. Only 2 of the #1 picks in the last 10 years have won the Cup. What kind of reward is that for a guy who has lived hockey for all of his adolescence, forgoing the mandatory get-drunk-in-a-parking-lot rite of teenage passage?

The #1 draft pick should be given to the team that wins the Stanley Cup, with 2nd pick going to the runner-up. Because let's be honest, coming in 2nd in the Stanley Cup finals wins you jack shit. They should at least get a top pick out of the deal, instead of just a handshake from the winners.

Here's the bonus for the league; The #1 pick gets to go to a team that knows how to win, has a winning coach on their bench and most likely adequate management that isn't living on past glories (hi, Edmonton). He's earned the right to play for a Cup-contending team, not lost it, as it goes now. Surround a player like McDavid with elite players and watch him thrive; there is even potential to pick up Gretzky-like points again. Imagine if the #1 is on a line with Patrick Kane and Johnathon Toews? Or Corey Perry and Ryan Getzlaf?

Now imagine if he goes to Edmonton? Where's his fantasy value there if he's on a line with Taylor Hall and Teddy Purcell? Or if he goes to Buffalo and earns -30 plus/minus between Tyler Ennis and Cody Hodgson? That continual losing wears a hockey player down. Every player in the NHL comes from winning teams. For many, the hard-core losing streaks that have happened this year to Edmonton, Arizona, Toronto, Buffalo have probably never happened to them at any time in their careers. They don't know how to handle it but that's another discussion.

The guy has worked his whole life to become the #1 pick and now the NHL is going to force him to contemplate living in Buffalo, wearing a Sabre uniform. The poor bastard. It could be worse, he could be playing junior again with the Oilers or living in the desert with Shane Doan wearing a Coyote jersey. There's even a chance he could become a Maple Leaf. Could you imagine the hysteria that would follow that tragic turn of events?

This table would have seating for eight.

So, please, Mr. Bettman. Make the call. Change the draft, for the future of David McDavid.

A look at past #1 picks in the last 10 years; starting with Sid.

2005- Sid Crosby-  made the playoffs the following year, Cup in 4th year

2006 Erik Johnson - made the playoffs 2013-14 w/ the Cinderella Avalanche. A big defensemen, he was never going to be the next Bobby Orr or Paul Coffey and plays like it.

2007 Patrick Kane - the first winner of the lottery system - Blackhawks went from 5th pick to 1st. Cup in 3rd year and Chicago still sends Bettman Happy Hannukah cards every year. Note to Connor; he's not a fan of Buffalo cab drivers.

2008 Stephen Stamkos - made the playoffs 3rd year, missed next 2 . He has excelled under the guidance of future Detroit General Manager Stevie Yzerman, despite having his leg nearly amputated last year.

2009 John Tavares - made the playoff 4th year. He's a poster-boy for the term 'build your team around'. Of course, by that it meant for the Islanders to acquire a #1 goaltender, 2 proven Stanley Cup winning defensemen, a few decent wingers and a strong checking line. So basically, the team you want in your fantasy league pool.

2010 Taylor Hall - yahhh.... Tyler Seguin still sends him Facebook friend requests that Taylor continually ignores.

2011 The Nuge - yahhhh....

2012 Nail Yakopov - yahhh....Filip Forsberg says 'thank you' in Russian and he will send you updates on what it's like being in the playoffs and meeting expectations.

2013 Nathan McKinnon - made it 1st year, same as Erik Johnson. You're young. You tasted the sweet immediately which may have caused you to miscaluclate how hard it is to make the playoffs. Now it's time to taste the sour.

2014 Aaron Ekblad - slim hope for this year but...don't worry, it's a short drive to Tampa to check out some playoff action.

From the History Files - The 2013 NHL intro for Brits

(ok, back in the day, being 2012-13 season, I wrote this and got it published somewhere online. I'm busy with the Nanowrimo thinger going on but in the meantime, enjoy this piece of history)

Looking to widen your sports knowledge to something outside of the local football league? Perhaps you are looking to butter up those Canadian tourists that wandered into your bar and will tend to tip way too much if someone mentions hockey around them. Whatever your reasons, welcome home.

Last year I started submitting some posts to WhatCulture about the NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world. The NHL stands to begin it's 94th year of play (give or take) next month. And this year is no different as there is much excitement in the maple syrup-flavoured air, hockey-stank excitement. Nobody in Canada has been this excited about the NHL starting up since last season when it finally began after another epic Lock-Out, which will be discussed later.

In what went down as the greatest Stanley Cup Finals ever played since 2012, the Chicago Blackhawks stunned the Boston Bruins with 2 goals in the final 90 seconds in Game 6 to clinch hockey's greatest trophy. It was karmic retaliation of sorts, for the Bruins had earlier made the biggest comeback in history to defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in Game 7 of a playoff series earlier which everybody outside of Toronto found hilarious. If none of that made any sense to you, welcome to...

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW OF THE NHL AS A NON-FAN;

All you need to know is this; The NHL is crazy. There is nothing rational about it, either on the ice or off. It was the subject of the greatest sports movie ever made, and has some of the best haircuts ever. It once had two players that dominated the sport like no other athlete has ever dominated a sport yet they played at the same time. Imagine Maradona and Pele playing at the same time, and on occasion even on the same team to defeat the world's worst superpower and #2 hockey nation (no, not America, the other one).

This moment knocked the 1972 Summit Series off the #1 hockey moment
of all time - yes, it is of someone crying. 

THE EASY STUFF;

The regular season starts in October, is 82 games long, and lasts for about six months.
Playoffs start in April and go for about three months. There is no 'one game take all' playoffs; this is all about maximizing owner revenue so the teams are forced to play four rounds of best-of-seven's, which in reality is quite brilliant. The first team to win four games over their opponent moves on to the next round and possibly gets a break while waiting for their opponents to inflict maximum pain on each other.

They play for a large trophy called the Stanley Cup, named after Lord Stanley. It is so rare, there are only 3 replicas of it in existence (the presentation one, the touring one, and the one at the Hockey Hall of Fame. The original is kept in a safe at the Hall of Fame as well and is no bigger than a large salad bowl, which was probably it's original intention).

Canadians start talking about hockey about 2 months before the regular season starts. This is called the 'pre-season' and in reality mean nothing unless you are a Toronto fan, then it defines the rest of your season, saving you all sorts of heartbreak later on.

This photo deserves to be a bit more viral.

12 Ways The Dark Knight Rises and the 2012 Canucks playoffs were eerily the same.

[republished due to its original immense popularity, Chris Nolan's Interstellar release and I find it really funny] 

12 Ways The Dark Knight Rises and the 2012 Canucks playoffs were eerily the same. 

I want the Batman!

For some, the summer of 2012 was to be the cause of great rejoice; The Dark Knight Rises was to cap the end of the amazing Batman trilogy, the Vancouver Canucks were going to win the Stanley Cup after losing in Game 7 to the Boston Bruins a year earlier. That experience would be enough to give them the drive to Win It All (spoiler alert; it didn't). Canucks fans also wanted Zdeno Chara to climb back up his beanstalk and leave all the other hockey players alone. None of that happened, leaving Canucks (and Boston) fans and hockey analysts alone to contemplate the pleasures in the smaller things in life, like drool and soft helmets.

(BIGGER SPOILER ALERT: The Canucks lost to the eventual Stanley Cup Champion LA Kings in the 1st round of the 2012 playoffs)

12 Similarities between The Dark Knight Rises and The 2012 Vancouver Canucks: 

1-For fans of both franchises, there were exceedingly high expectations going in from previous showings.

2-Ryan Kesler appeared in neither.

3-Batman took eight years off before returning for TDKR and the ending was left open for another possible return years from now. Vancouver decided to also take some years off and is preparing for their next Cup push sometime around the year 2020.

4-Both Batman and Mason Raymond took 5 months to recover from a broken back to limited effect.

hmmm... can you take off the bat and add the number 16?

5-Neither Batman or the Canucks showed any ability to dish out a hit.

6- Apparently both Gotham and Vancouver have professional football teams that nobody cares about.

7-Anne Hathaway’s eyebrows scored just as many points with film critics in Los Angeles as the Sedin twins.

8-Batman had a few thousand cops that did nothing to help the situation, the Canucks had these guys; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBQ1rmIbTjw

9-Once Batman and the Canucks left the city, life went on and it was like nothing had ever happened.

10-If Darryl Sutter’s coaching style could be physically described, it would look like Bane. If Alain Vigneault’s coaching style could be physically described, it would look like Michael Caine’s quivering lips.

11-TDKR had a lot of supporting characters from previous movies that proved to have no discernible purpose for being there; the Canucks had Jim Hughson, Nick Kypreos and Gary Valk.

Uh, hello?

12-Bruce Wayne came out of self-imposed hiding to find his overall value had plummeted to barely being able to provide for himself, Vancouver had Roberto Luongo.

Hey forget ISIS, the NHL is nearly set to 'Distraction'

So it's near puck drop - all you hockey nuts have signed up for a minimum of 5 different hockey pools. Some are friends/family pools, others are clever marketing ploys that gives the host company consent to send you emails in a roundabout attempt to avoid Canadian anti-spamming legislation.

Anyone who is anyone (who is getting paid to provide content in sports-themed web pages) has already supplied their season previews. Yet Ogie hasn't. Why?

Because I'm not getting paid, I have kids and I've been hitting dynasty status on EA/NHL2014 with my Chicago Blackhawks. It takes up more time than you realize.

So here's my quick rankings of this year's edition of the NHL just so i can look back nine months from now and see if i should become a professional gambler.

Quick off-season note - while I am a fan of the 'fining coach's for players diving rule, one big change which takes away from the game is the tripping from behind even if you have touched the puck first.
We (especially if you played defense) all loved to see a defenceman lunge at someone on a near breakaway, poking away the puck with his stick before the player falls to the ice and possibly plows into the goalie. That's now a penalty. That sucks. But otherwise, I've paid little attention to off-season changes because it keeps chipping away at the Game Canada Loves.

Let's start with my limited knowledge of off-season antics and predict who goes where.

30 Carolina Hurricanes - Sounds like a soccer team, has 2 Staal brothers that underperformed last year. Apparently Jordan's leg also underperformed in the pre-season. Cam Ward has been riding his one great year of goaliedom for the last 8 years now.

29 Buffalo Sabres - they will move up from last to not-last this year, thanks to the strong showing of Carolina.

28 Calgary Flames - look at the west, I mean look at it! The only break for the Flames will be when an Eastern Conference opponent comes into town at which time they will be playing mostly only good teams.

27 New Jersey - when your leading scorer is geriatric Jaromir Jagr and your leading goalie just won't retire peacefully, something has to give and it's going to be New Jersey's win column.

26  Florida Panthers - Luongo in net, Dave Bolland up front. Jonathon Huberdeau begging to go on IR - this is a team that I think will surprise many by not actually doing much this year.

25  Edmonton Oilers - in keeping with tradition, the Oilers have it in spades. The last time they were a serious contender was when it was a choice between Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin. Tyler Seguin still sends Kevin Lowe Xmas cards thanking him for the choice.

24  Philadelphia Flyers - I hope I'm wrong but this team is a Yo-Yo of emotions and place in the standings and in the tough (cough) Eastern conference, Philly relies too much on Chris Pronger's relevance and their middle of the pack goaltending. They are only one IR away from not making the playoffs and this year is probably it.

23  Toronto Maple Leafs - Look, I really, really, really want the Leafs to get in the playoffs just so TSN will stop talking about that next year. And maybe they will have another epic meltdown like they did with Boston (too soon?).

21  Winnipeg Jets - they will continue to surprise by being the team that everyone forgets how hard they fought for to come back to Manitoba. Sadly, they are still in the Western Conference.

20  Ottawa Senators - When your team is known for your coach's moustache and every news outlets pines for his doppelganger to appear behind the bench again you could be in trouble. Thankfully, the expectations are so low on this team that they could laugh their way to a playoff spot.

The Middle of the Packers or who knows.

19  Arizona Coyotes - trying to get rid of the stigma of being called Phoenix although they played in Scarsdale, the marketing team comes up with a clever ploy to introduce hockey into Arizona state by rebranding them the Arizona Coyotes.

18  Nashville Predators - What's the worst place they could come in given they are in the same division as Winnipeg - second to last.

(formerly 22)  New York Islanders - Remember last year when there was all that talk about the Islanders finally being relevant again? Then Tavares was injured in the Olympics and the Islanders disappeared? That was fun. The next big news will be when they move into their new arena in Brooklyn and that will probably be the last you hear of them in Canada.

NEWSFLASH - Isles acquire Boychuck and Leddy, 2 Stanley cup winning Joe Lunchbucket defencemen that should carry them into the playoffs this year. Things are looking up for the Isles faithful.

17  Columbus Blue Jackets - continue to defy their existence by keeping those Quebec Nordique 3rd jerseys packed up in the attic of the arena.

16  Tampa Bay Lightning - thinking of changing their name simply to Tampa Bay Stamkos's.

15  Colorado Avalanche - the surprise team of last year won't surprise anyone this year. Patrick Roy will freak out but he's no John Tortorella and won't be suspended because everyone likes him.

14  Washington Capitals - Pretty much the same team as last year, except for their coach, their defense and Ovechkin's teeth.

13  Detroit Red Wings - will make the playoffs out of sheer habit once again.

12  Minnesota Wild - in a clever marketing ploy, the Wild have told their fans that Zach Parise and Ryan Suter are just 'getting started'. Whatever that means.

11 Pittsburgh Penguins - I hate them because I continually want to spell penguins like penquins.

10  New York Rangers - Messier is still not allowed past the player's entrance. Good for them. Rick Nash will find hockey fun again.

9  San Jose Sharks - will lower their expectations a bit this year and decide to choke in the early months for awhile before making it into the playoffs where they can once again choke as per expectations.

8  Vancouver Canucks - A return to offensive zone starts for the Sedins can only lead to more goals for the duo. Ryan Miller will reintroduce Miller-Time to a new generation.

7  Dallas Stars - so far off the radar that they will be the new Colorado Avalanche.

6 Montreal Canadiens - PK Subban is finally making the money he's always been expecting to earn and has given his two younger brothers big competition for the 'least-disappointing Subban'.

5  Boston Bruins - still led by Chara, Bergeron and Rask. Still literally the biggest legitimate threat in the East.

4-1 Chicago Blackhawks, LA Kings, Anaheim Ducks, St. Louis will all finish first in the league. It won't be easy but it will be done.