The Other Off Season Game Plan - The Arizona Coyotes Edition

Big disclaimer - I know very little about hockey as compared to Scott Cullen, residential fanatic analytic expert (read; stats geek) over at TSN. But I do have some time, access to the Internet and like to write about things of little interest to most people but not about stats. So here is my off season game plan for the Arizona Coyotes, part 3 of 30.

'Hey Arizona, I'm in the Offensive zona!'

The Arizona Coyotes formerly Phoenix formerly The Original Winnipeg Jets

Arizona is known for two things and hockey isn't one of them. The Coyotes probably lead the league in Away games as it seems most of the people who attend games are there on vacation so they can have an affordable chance to see their favourite team play. It is cheaper to buy plane fare, a hotel room and Coyote tickets than it would be to see the Canucks, Maple Leafs or Canadiens play in their respective home buildings. Plus going to an NHL game allows visiting Arizona-ites to escape the Arizona heat and just the fact they live in Arizona.

Even the real coyotes seek to escape the heat

That said, even with their ambivalent fan base, Arizona had a strange year. It was like they heard about the David McConnor thing late and decided to get in on the bit of action at around Christmas time and summarily tanked hard. This was a bit hard to take for Yotes fans as they did pretty well in previous year's playoffs. They had an all-star goalie in Mike Smith, capable back-up in Devan Dubynk ad a stellar one-two punch in offensive defencemen with Keith Yandle and Oliver Ekmans-Larson. Then there was hockey rock star (by Arizona standards) Paul Bisonnette aka BizNastie. But BizNastie retired (I think) before the season started, they traded away Keith Yandle at the deadline and Mike Smith became average. They were close to winning the McDavid sweepstakes, only missing dead last by 2 points and if nothing else, a chance to get the other golden boy, Jake Eichel. But who are they going to pick for third? Probably some nobody...

But mostly they suffered from having to play in Arizo- um, the Western Conference. I mean... come on - look at that side. There was the surprising Flames success, the return to winning form of the Canucks, Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Anaheim, and The Minnesota Dubynk. Well, they all have to beat someone and that usually was Arizona.

Authentic current Coyote player

Head Coach

Currently Dave Tippett

Dave shouldn't be going anywhere and nobody expects him to (much like the Coyotes next year in the standings). He's had to watch Keith Yandle and Antoine Vermette be traded away at the deadline by the current Coyote owners (I have long lost interest in who won the lottery to own the Coyotes aka NHL code-name 'Anyone but Jim Balsillie' and is making do with a team that isn't exactly under-performing.

Plus, he has this crazy-looking dog he keeps in his office..

He's a good coach with a mediocre team that will continue to primarily fill the NHL void of having a stop-over for teams going to play in Dallas or California. He would do well to remember that the Jet/Coyote franchise is historically a yo-yo of yearly points production and after this year's poor performance should improve next year as nobody is expecting them to. They could be like the 2014 Colorado Avalanche, only without the talent.

Forwards

Someone's trying the famous Arizona peyote, I think.

The Coyotes have a group of forwards that no opponent fears and that is a problem. When their biggest concern is wondering if Sam Gagner will ever pull another 8 point night or if Shane Doan might begin telling stories that start with "I remember when..." then things are looking pretty good when a visiting team heads Arizona way. Most casual fans will be hard-pressed to name three forwards on their team but will believe that they have a pretty decent team if Arizona is in Europe (which it is not).

One of the 'Yotes seasoned veterans encouraging one of
the younger defencemen on the bench.

Defencemen

After releasing Yandle to go try out the Big City lights of the New York Rangers, its up to Oliver E-L to shoulder most of the defensive and offensive responsibility. Mike Stone is capable but the problem really lies in that they have no truly NHL ready defencemen to help OE-L. If only someone like Johnny Oduya was available to relieve that pressure.






Goalies

Will the REAL Mike Smith please stand up,
please stand up,
please stand up.

Mike Smith is still the undisputed #1 goalie and don't expect that to change anytime soon. See;Devan Dubnyk.  He should be sending Mike a Thank You and Merry Christmas card every year from now on. It would be a good idea for Arizona to acquire a quality 2nd string or even 3rd string goaltender to let Mike get some rest next year as it looks to be a busy time in the defensive end of the 'Yotes.


 Overall 

My #1 Priority - Getting Out of Arizona
My #2 Priority - Getting 6 ready-to-play defencemen
My #3 Priority - A back up goaltender who is funny on Twitter

Really, just about any goalie will do.

From the History Files - The 2013 NHL intro for Brits

(ok, back in the day, being 2012-13 season, I wrote this and got it published somewhere online. I'm busy with the Nanowrimo thinger going on but in the meantime, enjoy this piece of history)

Looking to widen your sports knowledge to something outside of the local football league? Perhaps you are looking to butter up those Canadian tourists that wandered into your bar and will tend to tip way too much if someone mentions hockey around them. Whatever your reasons, welcome home.

Last year I started submitting some posts to WhatCulture about the NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world. The NHL stands to begin it's 94th year of play (give or take) next month. And this year is no different as there is much excitement in the maple syrup-flavoured air, hockey-stank excitement. Nobody in Canada has been this excited about the NHL starting up since last season when it finally began after another epic Lock-Out, which will be discussed later.

In what went down as the greatest Stanley Cup Finals ever played since 2012, the Chicago Blackhawks stunned the Boston Bruins with 2 goals in the final 90 seconds in Game 6 to clinch hockey's greatest trophy. It was karmic retaliation of sorts, for the Bruins had earlier made the biggest comeback in history to defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in Game 7 of a playoff series earlier which everybody outside of Toronto found hilarious. If none of that made any sense to you, welcome to...

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW OF THE NHL AS A NON-FAN;

All you need to know is this; The NHL is crazy. There is nothing rational about it, either on the ice or off. It was the subject of the greatest sports movie ever made, and has some of the best haircuts ever. It once had two players that dominated the sport like no other athlete has ever dominated a sport yet they played at the same time. Imagine Maradona and Pele playing at the same time, and on occasion even on the same team to defeat the world's worst superpower and #2 hockey nation (no, not America, the other one).

This moment knocked the 1972 Summit Series off the #1 hockey moment
of all time - yes, it is of someone crying. 

THE EASY STUFF;

The regular season starts in October, is 82 games long, and lasts for about six months.
Playoffs start in April and go for about three months. There is no 'one game take all' playoffs; this is all about maximizing owner revenue so the teams are forced to play four rounds of best-of-seven's, which in reality is quite brilliant. The first team to win four games over their opponent moves on to the next round and possibly gets a break while waiting for their opponents to inflict maximum pain on each other.

They play for a large trophy called the Stanley Cup, named after Lord Stanley. It is so rare, there are only 3 replicas of it in existence (the presentation one, the touring one, and the one at the Hockey Hall of Fame. The original is kept in a safe at the Hall of Fame as well and is no bigger than a large salad bowl, which was probably it's original intention).

Canadians start talking about hockey about 2 months before the regular season starts. This is called the 'pre-season' and in reality mean nothing unless you are a Toronto fan, then it defines the rest of your season, saving you all sorts of heartbreak later on.

This photo deserves to be a bit more viral.

Retro Post - What you need to know, the nhl 2013

- just a blast from the past. As in last year. A rejected piece that will now see the light of the Internet for the first time. 

The National Hockey League is Crazy; What you Need to Know About the 2013 NHL Season

Is this a lock-out year or not?

  Looking to widen your sports knowledge to something outside of the local football league? Perhaps you are looking to butter up those Canadian tourists that wandered into your bar and will tend to tip way too much if someone mentions hockey around them. Whatever your reasons, welcome home.

 Last year I started submitting some posts to WhatCulture about the NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world. The NHL stands to begin it’s 94th year of play (give or take) next month. And this year is no different as there is much excitement in the maple syrup-flavoured air, hockey-stank excitement. Nobody in Canada has been this excited about the NHL starting up since last season when it finally began after another epic Lock-Out, which will be discussed later.

 In what went down as the greatest Stanley Cup Finals ever played since 2012, the Chicago Blackhawks stunned the Boston Bruins with 2 goals in the final 90 seconds in Game 6 to clinch hockey’s greatest trophy. It was karmic retaliation of sorts, for the Bruins had earlier made the biggest comeback in history to defeat the Toronto Maple Leafs in Game 7 of a playoff series earlier which everybody outside of Toronto found hilarious. If none of that made any sense to you, welcome to…

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW OF THE NHL AS A NON-FAN;

The NHL. What you Need to Know. Part 1 of 4

The NHL, voted by 3o million Canadians, 54 Swedes, and Danny Taylor of Plymouth, England as being THE #1 hockey league in the world stands to begin it's 94th year of play (give or take) next month.

Here is what you need to know about this year's teams, all anxious to try to relive the pace and glory of last year's shortened 48 game season by starting 4 months earlier and returning to an 82 game (give or take) schedule.

The NHL continues to make a mockery of consistent rules, divisions and Canadian hockey fans by continuing to allow teams to play in such tropical destinations as Florida, Texas and Arizona where one can see a professional hockey team for cheaper than attending a local high school's drama class production of Oklahoma.

where the hell is the Smythe area of North America?

Gone are the six divisions that meant nothing for the last 20 years replaced by four divisions that still mean nothing. The new structure still means each conference will have 8 teams that qualify for the playoffs but in keeping with it's unusual scoring system, the following method will be used to keep fans confused until the final days of the regular season when they learn if their team has qualified or not.

From NHL.com; 

The top three teams in each division will make up the first 12 teams in the playoffs. The remaining four spots will be filled by the next two highest-placed finishers in each conference -- regardless of division -- based on regular-season points. It will be possible for one division to send five teams to the postseason while the other sends three.

The seeding of the wild-card teams within each divisional playoff will be determined by regular-season points. The division winner with the most points in the conference will be matched against the wild-card team with the fewest points; the division winner with the second-most points in the conference will play the wild-card team with the second-fewest points.

Simple. And how does a team get these points to qualify for the playoffs?

Just nod and move on...

A team gets 2 points for a straight-up win. If both teams tie, they each get a point. They play a 5 minute overtime session, at which time each team is minus 1 player. If someone scores, the winning team gets 2 points and the losing team gets 1 point. If nobody scores in extra time, the teams go to a shoot out where players take turns trying to score on breakaways (much like a penalty kick). If they score, that goal doesn't count as a goal on their point totals but their team could win, as long as the other team doesn't score. Eventually, everyone gets bored and they all go home and wait for the NHL statisticians to tell us what happened.

As I said you don't really need to worry about it. Chances are your team will just make or just miss the playoffs thanks to the league's continual attempt to ensure team parity. Just pick a team then come back in April.

On to the teams!