New Year, new cover.

 

After all the excitement of the 4 Nations hockey tournament and the continuing mention (by Canadian hockey announcers) of Drew Doughty recovering from injury in time to lead the back end on the Canadian blue line, it made me think of 10 years ago and my hilarious (to me) blog around the 2014 Sochi Olympics, which I hope I can link in it's original blog form here. 

I decided to convert it into a hard copy booklet form because, you know, practice and vanity and perhaps the off chance Drew himself would read it and I would get some bankroll/booksales from him (or one of the many other Team Canada/NHL players who may have read it).

I didn't and honestly, reading it 10 years later, it's not as good as I remembered, likely as there were no pictures. 

But that didn't stop me from making a new cover, which looks a bit less like a 16 year old with a class in graphic arts did it.

If you've read this far and don't have this little booklet, you can buy it digitally or in book form here. Personally, I'd go with the book form as I made some edits in order to keep up with how my writing taste has changed over the last 10 years.

On my mark(eting), get set, GO

 

Random afternoon thoughts in no particular order as they come to me...

I've received my 10th rejection for Flies, I think that's enough. I'll just self-publish. I don't think 10 or 100 copies will make much of a difference in the big picture; I will still need to work another job. The movie deal will have to wait, I guess. 

In the meantime, I've also rewritten Karmageddon, which despite my best attempts, actually increased by 500 words. I've changed some names which have always bothered me, added some finer details which I didn't think I'd be d
oing. Basic editing, I guess. 

I just finished putting a call-out on my loyal FB fan page, asking if anyone is interested in reading an advance copy for review. 

What writers don't think of is the turn-around involved in books; I read a post where the author states it's a 12 month turnaround time. Crazy! But, on the other side, also not. 

I've looked into substack, booktok, hosting a wix site, wattpad, medium, patreon. They all have their benefits, all require a lot of time and dedication, which I don't have. So I guess I will just keep chipping away. I've joined Blue Sky, which I guess is like Twitter but less 'bot'-y. 

I'm still stuck on my #U2? dystopian sci-fi legal thriller's 3rd act, the book itself is clocking in at WAY too many words (155,000) at last count. I think I could break it down into 3 novellas but again, need the time. Once I push out Karmageddon and Flies, I'll punish myself by taking another go at that.  

I've also found many of my hand-written short stories. I'd like to put those down on hard-drive somewhere for posterity. Again, time and dedication is my weakness. Did I mention finances? Those are also my weakness.  

What about new writing? I ask myself. 

Thank you for taking an interest, I reply. 

I keep having random philosophical thoughts that I'd like to explore but they're big picture thoughts that are hard to write into little sentences. I have one line about depression that is sticking with me; Depression is like always feeling you are two sentences away from crying. I feel like that a lot, which is why the line is sticking with me.  

I have an idea about a book that's a fun read but too high-brow (for me) so I want to dumb it down a bit. I also want to rewrite my wrestling epic, Duff Ragwell and His Amazing Channel Changer, someday. Retitle it 1994 (no relation), perhaps.

Anyways, that's all I got for now. Thanks for reading, future me.  

 

Done! (Again)ng

Nobody really to brag to about this-especially as nobody is really waiting for it. But it took me another six months of sporadic editing, delayed by summer to trim Flies down about 2800 words. Sure it's tighter, and I've changed some names but will it shoot me up the best-seller list? Nope. 

And I see that there is another SPA in my neighbourhood; more chick-lit. I'm torn because I'm happy for them of course. They're completing what they love doing. Sorry, they have completed what they love doing...20 books so far. Crazy! Congrats to her for doing what she does. But back to me. 

So yeah, I've finished Flies...again. Should I resubmit, wait another 6 months? I still have no idea how to sell this. 'it's a murder mystery told from three different points of view, told in three different points of view." 

That's actually pretty good. I should add sex in there somewhere. It would be fun if i could make it subtle, like ItS EXciting to read or ... I'll have to think about it. 

Anyways, but the writing gets me on my old stuff that I would like to put out there before I die. That would be nice. I'm never going to be a KV jr or Doug Copeland but I do enjoy their stuff. If only there were no bills in my life, what could have happened?

At least my secret blog is still there until that website goes the way of MySpace and LiveJournal. It has lasted through a lot of temptations from other sites; wordpress, wattpad... a few others I already forget. The newest one is this linktr.ee which I'm going to study up on now. Perhaps with my operation laying me up for a week, I'll get organized.

Until then, I'll ponder what to do with Flies. 

Here's a start of a spur of the moment query letter:

To Whom it May Concern

I'm submitting an 84000 word murder mystery told from three different points of view, told in three different points of view. The victims are teen sex offenders, plucked out of a residential treatment program meant to correct these young individuals' sexual predator instincts before they are released back into society, their minority age allowing them to avoid being registered as sex offenders. 

The three 'protagonists' are Detective Doug Bennett, a shunned detective whose marriage is breaking up after his son was found guilty of sexual molestation and is in the program the victims are from. Reed Fontaine, whose sister is missing in Thailand as he stays at home, caring for his aging, abusive father while working in a local group home that provides shelter for boys attending the treatment program. Johnny Taylor provides a foster home to kids in the program. His wife has left him over arguments about his job caring for sex offenders and their inability to have a baby. 

Their stories intertwine throughout the week as their paths cross, tensions mount, and accusations are made. Flies of Our Fathers looks at the damage caused by generational trauma from a male perspective and some of the problems and solutions needed to help sons and fathers be the best humans they can be.  

Something like that. I added a fresher version on my facebook page. Anyways, time for bed. 

 Where did the time go? 

How did this get to be May already? My last round of query letters have now gone the full 6 months with no replies. That sucks. I've been becoming increasingly cynical of all the FB/Reddit groups I'm in; there seem to be only 3 or 4 subjects; How do I write my memoir? Who will publish my memoir? I'm so happy I published my memoir, how do i self-publish (or some variation of).

I feel ashamed that I'm part of these groups and more recently have been wanting to express my self-loathing on being on these sites, wanting the same thing all these people want; to be read. 

And I'm sitting with a novel ready to go, sitting in Kindle for the last 2 months, waiting for me to pull the fucking trigger and just press publish. Why am i so hesitant to just put it out there? Probably because I'm over 50 now and I don't want to be considered a 'senior' writer? I don't know. 

Plus, who really reads this shit anyways. I saw a therapist 5x at the start of this year. He ended it, not me. I wound up crying every time I saw him. Typical suicidal thoughts. 1st time, I told him I wouldn't call him if I decided to do it- I think that's when he realized I was really in trouble. 2nd time, he wound up crying. 3rd time, he tried to get me to find my happy place, i couldn't and he literally said 'oh oh' as I started bawling. We had a 10 day break after that. 4th time, he told me the next time would be the last time and on that 5th and last time, I barely cried which I guess we/he considered good enough.

So here I am. I'm still working on the dolphin rapist thing. It's pretty big; 180,000 words (est) so I'm trying to cut it down and I cut out this huge chunk but I'm reconsidering as of course, it ties to the end. I'm also confused as to if it's funny or not. People have been raped by dolphins. That's not funny. But it is. But it isn't. 

Anyways, here's a picture of an evil dolphin for the likes. 

 

 

Flies Non-Update

 

Well, after the "I got this" talk of Thursday night, it turned out I didn't 'got this' on Friday. 

Instead of resubmitting Flies to another possible publisher, I chose to do other things, like clean up my tool room (which had been on the list for a long time) and finish my rough editing of Karmageddon. 

It's amazing how much I want to change after leaving it alone for 2 (?) years. Does it naturally get worse or is that just me? Anyways, I finished tagging all the things I want to change and have been spending this morning (Saturday) doing that instead of, again, resubmitting Flies. 

I also went to the liquor store yesterday, to get a little something to deal with the fact I am turning 50 and was immediately drawn to this:                                                                                                                                                                                       Now for some reason I can't get Blogger to text-wrap around these pictures I'm getting frustrated and having spent 2 hours on this computer, avoiding submitting Flies, I will once again return to my state of self-loathing and find more shit to throw away, at least making my day somewhat complete.                                                                                                                             So here I am, one less day until 50 with on publishing contract. Not like there's any rush anymore. 

Flies; the first submission.

Attempt #1

Okay, so I know enough about the submitting process to know I don't know enough and never will. 

I'm going to detail my attempts at finding a publisher for Flies so that way either I A) have someone to blame, B) have a semi-interesting journal for people interested in a similar journal and C) therapy.

I'm just going to hop on C) here. I submitted Flies three days ago, via Submittable to the 'Featured Publisher' of my local chapter of the Canadian Publisher's Alliance - that's not the name but it was the first one that came up on a Google search.

They have a caveat; saying they publish about 20 books a year with around 1000 submissions annually. So, chances are pretty slim. 

Now, previous experience/homework suggested there's a long turn-around time when a manuscript is dropped into a 'slush pile'; like months and months. So I sure wasn't expecting an answer anytime soon. 

But I did. Running that high I started reading/editing Karmageddon again and SHIT there's a lot of notes I've made for the next edit. How do manuscripts get worse the longer you're away from them? 

Then something unexpected. A reply from the publisher. Could it be? 

Three days and form letter rejection. 

I found that out about 7pm tonight. That put me in a funk so hard I laid down on the couch and power napped for about 15 minutes before being woken by the kid. Then I spent about 30 minutes looking at other possible publishers, depressed and miserable, self-loathing, questioning my validity of writing talents, etc. I put that on pause, deciding I will look deeper into it tomorrow. Maybe submit again before the acceptance settles in which obviously already did.

Another hour or so of that feeling sucky before going to bed. 

It was while laying there that I had this epiphany that Flies was never going to be an easy sell - I mean, it's a story about killing children that nobody cares about. I need to work on selling it; how I'm going to do that, I don't know. I need to have a cheerleader in my life, someone who will say 'no problem, you got this, you can do it'. And I realize I don't so it's all up to me. 

It's always been all up to me. 

I got this. I will find a publisher for Flies. 

In the meantime, I'll journal my struggles on my blog (does anyone read blogs anymore?) for posterity. 

In this day and age of bells and whistles and 'everything lives forever on the Internet', which by the way is not true judging from all the embedded video clips that have been removed from this blog, I figure this will make for a decent memory for the day when I do get Flies published and maybe, just maybe, find an agent to make my life a little easier and my confidence a little stronger. 

I got this. 

Be your own cheerleader. 

 

WIP Inspiration 3

I encountered the word kismet yesterday and feel it deserves some recognition in the book - currently basing it as a discussion of kismet vs karma. Perhaps between Steele and Ruby. However, that confrontation isn't part of Karmageddon but more on Steele's spin-off - the Book of Steele.

I'd like to return to writing that but if I did I'd never get Karmageddon print-ready in case the traditional publisher rejects it.

Sad I'm already thinking it's going to be rejected - In Michener's the Novel, he insinuates only 3 out of 900 slush-pile books get referred up the chain.

I don't know how this surging of self-published books are affecting that pile - maybe it's less to pick through? I don't know. Either way, a lot online that a writer's yearly income is lucky to break $10,000/yr.

I am thinking of getting out of the self-publish forums, too self-defeating. I read about someone who is making thousands a month, read a sample of their work and think 'are you kidding me?' Most of self-published I've read seems to simply be the slush pile.

But back to editing...

WIP Inspiration 2

One thing that has been bothering me throughout the X amount of months I've spent on this book is the attempt to make 'smoking' Karma sound legit. In a day of edibles, pipes, bongs and god knows what else, using the word joint, or simply the act of my characters smoking a joint seems so ... juvenile and crass. Yet, calling them Karma cigarettes - which I often refer to them as with packaging, social habit etc seems too ... dated.

So today I was editing K2 when I had the idea to call them Karma Sticks. I realize just as I write this that smokes have also been referred to cancer sticks so ... I like it.

Now, I just need to do a simple search for every use of the word Karma or Karmajuana in K2 and determine if it justifies adding stick to the end of it.

And that's part of my process.

In other news, I spent 3 hours on Sunday guarding someone who was run over by a train. At least, the parts that were left of him. Right now I think I have some PTSD going on so at least I have that going for me...

Our debriefing included a man who told us there is a difference between remembering and revisiting what happened and to watch how our brain reacts to being normal in an abnormal situation.

Takes me back to these thoughts which I will probably be revisiting with a therapist later.

Still avoiding avoiding

I'd almost laugh at how ridiculous I'm being if I didn't think it was so some profound psychological block I'm going through.

I did a query letter about 4 days ago, asked my wife to proof it. Wife... still sounds weird to say that. Anyways, she looked at it today.

In the meantime, I've delved into sorting my children's lego, planting some potatoes, marathoned a bit of Ash vs. Evil Dead... basically a lot of things, everything other than submit the fricking thing or talk a bit more of Post Pestilence.

So, here I am... I have 15 minutes to send it off before I go get my daughter. Part of me is justifying not doing it because it's Friday and what's the point right before the weekend... I mean, can't hurt to let it go for a few more days.  What's the worst that can happen?

I wait 2 more days then I wait 2 more days and I wait 2 more days...

What is it going to be, Jay?



SUBMISSION UPLOADED.

Pls Wait 6 months for confirmation.

Behind the Curtains of An Indie Author

If you came here from Reddit or any of my writer forums, welcome to the show.

If you came here from Facebook, welcome back.


In the interest of anyone thinking of self-publishing or already are a self-published writer I have decided to write about a subject all of us dread to think about but must be acknowledged.

Sales.

On the forums I lurk and participate in, it feels like talk about Sales goes one of two ways; either someone is humble-bragging about what they've done or, and this is far more common, someone is panicking about not having enough sales.

Now, to be honest, the self-published books I've read tend to be either a) pretty bad or b) close to pretty good.

For me, most are too 'wordy'. If I had to take a guess, I'd say many of these fellow Indie writers are in their twenties, as I was as well at one time. That's okay. But I'm a talk and plot guy, not a preach and describe the scenery guy.

Back in my twenties, we didn't have the ability to push out whatever we chose without having to go through the hoops or getting a professional opinion. If you wanted to be published, you had to rely on someone else's opinion, a gatekeeper so to speak. You had to submit it and wait weeks, months for a letter.

I once received a form rejection letter from a publisher that I had no recollection of contacting, much less whatever it was I submitted.

It felt like a preemptive rejection and quite rude, to be honest...

For those who may fall into the b) category listed above, I usually want to say 'hey, let me help you trim this a little'. But then it is probably too late and perhaps a little rude. After all, they have already published and moved on to checking their sales stats, Kindle listing, book 3 of their fantasy epic trilogy, etc, wondering when the gold will start rolling in.

So with that said, I'm peeling back the curtain on my book sales to explain why you don't see a Tesla in my driveway. Maybe it will help some of you indie authors feel better about yourself or at least not as alone and worthless, as I sometimes feel.

Click that little 'read more' link below to continue.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Sweden 4 The Gold Entry #8

Drew Doughty Vs. the World 

Entry #8

WORLD'S GOVERNING BODY REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE TEAM CANADA SUPREMACY
(OR)
NEW WORLD ORDER REJECTED. STEVE YZERMAN RESIGNS

The Proposed New "Eh" Team (trademark pending)

The Female version of the "Eh" Team (trademark still pending)

It happened quickly. Minutes after Team Canada defeated Team Sweden for the Olympic Gold medal in hockey (the only sport that actually mattered), the United Nations quickly blocked a motion put forward that Canada be the only nation to resolve world conflicts in the best interest of all. The ramifications were immediate. The Ukraine stopped fighting and arrested their suddenly deposed President. The Egyptian government, put in power after the "not going to call it a coup" military railed against their democratically elected Muslim President also announced it's resignation. In Afghanistan nothing happened at all which was highly unusual, except someone fucked a goat. But nothing highly unusual.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team "Latvia" Entry #6

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #6

TEAM CANADA DESTROYS ODDLY FAMILIAR-LOOKING LATVIAN TEAM

(OR)

TEAM CANADA PETITIONS OLYMPICS IN REGARDS TO TED NOLAN'S CITIZENSHIP

Latvia's Near-Victory Parade,
Pictured; Latvian President for Life, Head Marshall and Team Goaltender Kristers Gudlevskis
with a few of his bodyguards

Everywhere a Canadian reporter looked for post-game interviews following Team Latvia's triumph of the will but not scoreboard over Team Canada, losing 2-1, there were familiar faces. Problem was they were all inside the Latvian dressing room. And they weren't Canadian, so the official statement said thereby all interview requests were denied.

"The peculiar similarities between the Latvian team and some of the players we know and play against in the NHL were oddly familiar. I mean the resemblance was uncanny." said Patrick Marleau, "Their number 19? He totally looked like Joe Thornton with his beard shaved off. He even said 'Hi, Pat' to me on a face-off."

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Finland Entry #5

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #5

TEAM CANADA PETITIONS TO CHANGE NAME TO DOUGHTY & CO.

(OR)

TEAM CANADA WATCHES DOUGHTY DESTROY WHAT'S LEFT OF TEAM FINLAND

Shouldn't someone go help out Drew?

It was all over as soon as Mike Babcock started lacing up Drew Doughty's skates before the pre-game skate but Olympic rules stated Team Canada still had to go out on the ice and wait for Doughty to decide when it was over. He has become hockey's Chuck Norris.

In what is the biggest story to come out of the Winter Olympics since this story yesterday on the Olympic village, Canada's #1 player hasn't been any of the other 25 NHL All-stars on the team but a defenceman that wasn't even picked to be able to make the Olympic team by one humble blogger with no NHL experience.

Drew Doughty decimated Team Finland, themselves decimated by NHL caliber injuries to NHL'rs Mikko Koivu, Valteri Filppula and Aleksander Barkov. Doughty controlled the puck at will, deciding when he would allow others to have the puck (ie; when he wasn't on the ice) and when he would score. Throughout the game Doughty controlled the play, like Godzilla fighting the Japanese army or Donald Trump deciding which Apprentice is the best ass kisser.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Austria Entry #4

Drew Doughty Vs. The World 

Entry #4

TEAM CANADA AVOIDS NAIL-BITER IN NAIL-BITING WIN OVER TEAM AUSTRIA! 

(or)

PANDEMONIUM REIGNS AT JEFF CARTER'S AGENT'S HOUSE!

Team Austria's sweater strategy was interesting, but irrelevant.

The tension was evident on the Team Canada bench as their second game of the Olympics ended with the 26 NHL All-Stars of Canadian descent winning a squeaker against Team Austria, 6-0. The final winner was always in doubt up until the Olympics game schedule was announced months ago and if wasn't for the LA Kings' Jeff Carter scoring a hat-trick, the score would have been probably the same, if not higher, just with other players scoring.

"It wasn't easy," said Cory Perry, "I mean instead of passing the puck to one of us to score, Jeff would just shoot it in himself. That's a lot of pressure on the rest of us now to inflate our stats for our next contract negotiations. Jeff can just sit back and do what he does naturally, sit back."

The Olympics Day Late Update - Team Canada vs. Norway Entry #3

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #3 

CANADA DESTROYS NORWAY IN OLYMPIC HOCKEY!

(or)

NHL ALL-STARS OBLITERATE MATS ZUCCARELLO AND FRIENDS

Team Canada upon hearing that Team Norway showed up for the game

 The defense of the Olympic gold medal in hockey started yesterday or today (I'm not familiar with the international date line) with Team Canada, perhaps the most dominant team ever, barring your fake EA NHL all-star team, taking on Norway. In a match reminiscent of the German blitzkrieg of Poland (who both coincidentally didn't qualify) the Canadian favourites devastated the self-esteem of the country best known for it's calendar content exports, 3-1.

self-esteem; Still OK.

The Canadian Olympic Hockey Team Roster Entry #2

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #2 

I can't even begin to say how many times I have been out and about and heard 'Hey, you're Ogie Oglethorpe, aren't you? What do you think of the Olympic hockey roster?'. 

I find it interesting anyone cares of my opinion on anything hockey-related as I continually finish in last place in any hockey pool I join. Perhaps they want my advice before they go and bet against it. Heck, I probably would too. But in all fairness and critique to my commissioner, dynasty hockey pools suck if you start out losing. 

1st things 1st, I don't care about the Olympics. Not one bit. I'd rather Canada took pride in other, more important things such as leading the world in cancer cures or space exploration or alternative fuel sources or social health or righting economic inequity or the number of rescued dogs and cats than to take pride a Canadian won a medal with a 4 year time limit that states they were Doubles Moguls Half-Pipe Champion or one of the best in 2-man Figure skating, which even I know is 20% skill and 100% politics.  

It's a thing, I saw it on TV so it must be true.

That said, I am Canadian, I am male so I have to have a vested interest in hockey. It's in our Constitution, somewhere near the bottom with an addendum that follows on the back that now includes women's hockey. 

But I need something to write about, so I'm going to go back and review my own predictions for the Men's Hockey Team and see how I did. I wrote about it here, back in August when all of Canada came in from the Lake and watched the roster announcements with bated breath, clutching their Canada flags. These picks were obviously before the TSN/Earth shocking news of Steve Stamkos injury and his super-human attempt to defy the laws of nature and bone structure to return in time for the Olympics. 

So how did I do, Ogie?

Canada's Olympic Team Preview Entry #1

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

This series of blog posts became the aforementioned title of a mini-booklet which can also be found on Amazon if you are that desperate to own near anything obscure about Drew Doughty. 

Entry #1

Each limited edition ring only cost $1.7 million tax dollars.

We take this break from ignoring the CFL to spend 15 minutes on national sports shows to discuss the reveal of the 47 players invited to attend the Team Canada Olympic Orientation Seminar next month.

Of course, not all of the 47 players will be going; only 25 will actually make the trip to 'who-gives-a-shit-just-play-hockey'.

It has been announced that the team will have 22 skaters, 3 goalies. The selection process is every boy who ever played NHL on any Sega, Genesis, Nintendo, PS1,2, or 3's dream. This is what most kids in Canada look forward to in today's day and age; the opportunity to not play hockey for their country but instead pick the ultimate dream team to do it for them on their game console.    

So here at ogieoglethorpe we are going to do our part so that the Hockey Canada coaching staff can continue to enjoy their summer vacations.

An intimate August moment with Mike Babcock