Saturday 10 August 2013

Canada's Olympic Team Preview


Each limited edition ring only cost $1.7 million tax dollars.

We take this break from ignoring the CFL to spend 15 minutes on national sports shows to discuss the reveal of the 47 players invited to attend the Team Canada Olympic Orientation Seminar next month.

Of course, not all of the 47 players will be going; only 25 will actually make the trip to 'who-gives-a-shit-just-play-hockey'.

It has been announced that the team will have 22 skaters, 3 goalies. The selection process is every boy who ever played NHL on any Sega, Genesis, Nintendo, PS1,2, or 3's dream. This is what most kids in Canada look forward to in today's day and age; the opportunity to not play hockey for their country but instead pick the ultimate dream team to do it for them on their game console.    

So here at ogieoglethorpe we are going to do our part so that the Hockey Canada coaching staff can continue to enjoy their summer vacations.

An intimate August moment with Mike Babcock


The wild card in the selection process here is Exec. Director Steve Yzerman, himself a healthy cut from many a patriotic tournament in the 80's (tough when you are in the same line up as Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux, Mark Messier, Brian Trottier).

Stevie Y is the 2nd on the left, behind the glass

"I really thought Messier would be here, but apparently Glen Sather needed
him to wash his car"

Yzerman has invited 9 centers to camp, making sure to break as many worthy centermen's hearts as possible. He also invited the whole Staal family - two of them in his Tampa Bay Lightning's division.

"Yeah, like i'd pick Jordan over Stamkos. Bring it, Carolina!"
Maybe he is just being careful to avoid another 'Phil Kessel' moment by having plenty of extra players to cut to avoid the potential self-esteem destroying moments he had when he went on to outlast all those other all-star center-men who were selected before him and still be a 1st ballot Hall of Famer.

But don't feel too sorry for those that will be cut; it is a 2 week vacation for them in the middle of the Stanley Cup race to rest and recuperate.  

So, let's get to the picks.

Goalies
"So then I told Braden I would drive him to the airport! What a chump!"
When you have Corey Crawford, the current Stanley Cup winning goaltender (lock) and the previous Olympic gold winner Luongo (lock) there's not much to talk about. That leaves the 3rd string goalie spot to duke it out between 3 players - Braden Holtby, Mike Smith, and Carey Price.  

Seeing as none of these goalies will actually be playing, it should go to Price just to shut the Montreal fan base up.  Most of their other players will be on other national teams so there should be at least one Canadian boy there for locker room morale. Holtby and Smith have little name recognition and therefore, outside of their immediate family would sell no Olympic merchandise. Montreal fans will buy anything (see Gomez, Scott) so edge to Price, this decade's Curtis Joseph.

Ogie's half-drunk defensive picks...


Defense- 17 invites. Probably 8 will survive the cuts.  Let's get rid of everybody that most have barely heard of; Alzner, Pietrolangelo, Hamonic. Let's keep in mind that the Olympic ice surface is much larger, so emphasis will be put on skating and agility; that should get rid of Boumeester and Phaneuf.  Now let's cut those that have failed to live up to their hype over the last few years; Doughty, Green, Staal and Vlasic.    


P.K Subban in Sochi
Shea Weber with Kris Letang 
Duncan Keith and Brent Seabrook 
Dan Hamhuis w Pk Subban 

Dan Hamhuis is a nice well-rounded player and probably the only guy to put up with PK, who will make history as being the first black hockey player at the Winter Olympics, and one of only a dozen black guys that will have been in Russia since 2000.

On the bubble; 
So the last positions goes to Boyle and the one wild-card; Methot, just to piss off Toronto fans.

Forwards

No-Brainers at Center; Crosby, Toews and Bergeron should be locks.

Sid really needs a second chance at an iconic picture.
That leaves the bulk of the other centers fighting over the 4th line and learning to play right wing.

E. Staal's size and speed should do okay on the large ice surface but he's a Carolina Hurricane so piss on him as well as Rick Nash, who continues to be the Jay Bouwmeester of over-hyped forwards.  Also fun is the limited amount of right wingers, cuz, hey when you are Steve Yzerman, you know what you are looking for in a right winter and this current NHL doesn't have one;




1st Line
Kunitz, Crosby, Stamkos

I think everybody would love to see Stamkos alongside Crosby. Kunitz is the Crosby's go-to guy through the regular season last year so can see no reason why to split up that productive duo.  

2nd Line
Sharp, Toews, St. Louis

No question here; put 2 Stanley Cup winners with the Art Ross Winner and watch the magic fly as other teams try to figure out if they should be focusing on this line or Crosby's.  

3rd Line
Neal, Bergeron, Thornton

The checking line is a bit deceptive. Bergeron is considered the best in the league so if he's healthy look for him to be out there on those faceoffs, with Thornton being a great #2 face off man. While neither play much body, that's left to the 4th line. 

4th Line
Getzlaf, Giroux, Marchand

The 4th line is often considered 'the energy line' because they rarely play and so when they do get on the ice have lots of energy to go around and head hunt the other players. So, go for a bit of speed and grit here. Giroux is prime to release his inner-Philadelphia while Marchand will do his thing.

Richards and Perry will be quick to jump in if it gets a bit more physical while Hall and Eberle get invites to get 'the experience' for later years although ironically they probably have the most experience playing against the other team's young all-stars from all their junior and world championships.

To summarize Ogie's picks for his PS3, NHL2014 Olympic edition...

Left              Center                  Right

Kunitz             Crosby            Stamkos
Sharp            Toews             St. Louis
Neal             Bergeron         Thornton
Getzlaf        Giroux            Marchand

Spares 
Richards, Perry, Hall, Eberle

Slovaki's National Team awaits....

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