New Year, new cover.

 

After all the excitement of the 4 Nations hockey tournament and the continuing mention (by Canadian hockey announcers) of Drew Doughty recovering from injury in time to lead the back end on the Canadian blue line, it made me think of 10 years ago and my hilarious (to me) blog around the 2014 Sochi Olympics, which I hope I can link in it's original blog form here. 

I decided to convert it into a hard copy booklet form because, you know, practice and vanity and perhaps the off chance Drew himself would read it and I would get some bankroll/booksales from him (or one of the many other Team Canada/NHL players who may have read it).

I didn't and honestly, reading it 10 years later, it's not as good as I remembered, likely as there were no pictures. 

But that didn't stop me from making a new cover, which looks a bit less like a 16 year old with a class in graphic arts did it.

If you've read this far and don't have this little booklet, you can buy it digitally or in book form here. Personally, I'd go with the book form as I made some edits in order to keep up with how my writing taste has changed over the last 10 years.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Sweden 4 The Gold Entry #8

Drew Doughty Vs. the World 

Entry #8

WORLD'S GOVERNING BODY REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE TEAM CANADA SUPREMACY
(OR)
NEW WORLD ORDER REJECTED. STEVE YZERMAN RESIGNS

The Proposed New "Eh" Team (trademark pending)

The Female version of the "Eh" Team (trademark still pending)

It happened quickly. Minutes after Team Canada defeated Team Sweden for the Olympic Gold medal in hockey (the only sport that actually mattered), the United Nations quickly blocked a motion put forward that Canada be the only nation to resolve world conflicts in the best interest of all. The ramifications were immediate. The Ukraine stopped fighting and arrested their suddenly deposed President. The Egyptian government, put in power after the "not going to call it a coup" military railed against their democratically elected Muslim President also announced it's resignation. In Afghanistan nothing happened at all which was highly unusual, except someone fucked a goat. But nothing highly unusual.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team "America" Entry #7

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #7

TEAM AMERICA PERFORMS SMALL MIRACLE - KEEPS DOUGHTY OFF SCORE SHEET, 
STILL LOSE

(OR)

TEAM CANADA DEFENDS NATIONAL HONOR - AMERICA HAS TO KEEP BIEBER

Highest stakes since 1987

It was labelled as perhaps the biggest rematch in Olympic hockey history in the last four years. Team America, averaging a blistering 5 goals per game in the 1st round of the 2014 Olympics, was out to redeem themselves against their Northern Nemesis, Team Canada. Their last meeting was another scar on the American Winter Olympics psyche, losing a tense, action-packed gold medal game in Vancouver in 2010. The Americans were looking for redemption. Team Canada, averaging a stellar 1 Drew Doughty goal per game in the 1st round, were trying to fulfill every Canadian's wish to keep Justin Bieber in the United States.

The teams circled each other warily for 60+ minutes, with both teams refusing to even enter their respective dressing rooms until the other went first. It was a game heavy on a defense-first and only mentality as both teams used their considerable offensive talent to continually hold the door open for their defensive corps and try to catch up to them when they were in the offensive zone. Both teams worked equally hard at boring the other team and countries enough to force someone to make a mistake. Unfortunately for the fans, with both teams heavy on NHL talent, a boring, repetitive by-the-numbers game was exactly the type of game they watched.

"It was just like the first half of the year," said Cory Perry, "only without the scoring."

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team "Latvia" Entry #6

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #6

TEAM CANADA DESTROYS ODDLY FAMILIAR-LOOKING LATVIAN TEAM

(OR)

TEAM CANADA PETITIONS OLYMPICS IN REGARDS TO TED NOLAN'S CITIZENSHIP

Latvia's Near-Victory Parade,
Pictured; Latvian President for Life, Head Marshall and Team Goaltender Kristers Gudlevskis
with a few of his bodyguards

Everywhere a Canadian reporter looked for post-game interviews following Team Latvia's triumph of the will but not scoreboard over Team Canada, losing 2-1, there were familiar faces. Problem was they were all inside the Latvian dressing room. And they weren't Canadian, so the official statement said thereby all interview requests were denied.

"The peculiar similarities between the Latvian team and some of the players we know and play against in the NHL were oddly familiar. I mean the resemblance was uncanny." said Patrick Marleau, "Their number 19? He totally looked like Joe Thornton with his beard shaved off. He even said 'Hi, Pat' to me on a face-off."

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Finland Entry #5

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

Entry #5

TEAM CANADA PETITIONS TO CHANGE NAME TO DOUGHTY & CO.

(OR)

TEAM CANADA WATCHES DOUGHTY DESTROY WHAT'S LEFT OF TEAM FINLAND

Shouldn't someone go help out Drew?

It was all over as soon as Mike Babcock started lacing up Drew Doughty's skates before the pre-game skate but Olympic rules stated Team Canada still had to go out on the ice and wait for Doughty to decide when it was over. He has become hockey's Chuck Norris.

In what is the biggest story to come out of the Winter Olympics since this story yesterday on the Olympic village, Canada's #1 player hasn't been any of the other 25 NHL All-stars on the team but a defenceman that wasn't even picked to be able to make the Olympic team by one humble blogger with no NHL experience.

Drew Doughty decimated Team Finland, themselves decimated by NHL caliber injuries to NHL'rs Mikko Koivu, Valteri Filppula and Aleksander Barkov. Doughty controlled the puck at will, deciding when he would allow others to have the puck (ie; when he wasn't on the ice) and when he would score. Throughout the game Doughty controlled the play, like Godzilla fighting the Japanese army or Donald Trump deciding which Apprentice is the best ass kisser.

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Austria Entry #4

Drew Doughty Vs. The World 

Entry #4

TEAM CANADA AVOIDS NAIL-BITER IN NAIL-BITING WIN OVER TEAM AUSTRIA! 

(or)

PANDEMONIUM REIGNS AT JEFF CARTER'S AGENT'S HOUSE!

Team Austria's sweater strategy was interesting, but irrelevant.

The tension was evident on the Team Canada bench as their second game of the Olympics ended with the 26 NHL All-Stars of Canadian descent winning a squeaker against Team Austria, 6-0. The final winner was always in doubt up until the Olympics game schedule was announced months ago and if wasn't for the LA Kings' Jeff Carter scoring a hat-trick, the score would have been probably the same, if not higher, just with other players scoring.

"It wasn't easy," said Cory Perry, "I mean instead of passing the puck to one of us to score, Jeff would just shoot it in himself. That's a lot of pressure on the rest of us now to inflate our stats for our next contract negotiations. Jeff can just sit back and do what he does naturally, sit back."

The Olympics Day Late Update - Team Canada vs. Norway Entry #3

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #3 

CANADA DESTROYS NORWAY IN OLYMPIC HOCKEY!

(or)

NHL ALL-STARS OBLITERATE MATS ZUCCARELLO AND FRIENDS

Team Canada upon hearing that Team Norway showed up for the game

 The defense of the Olympic gold medal in hockey started yesterday or today (I'm not familiar with the international date line) with Team Canada, perhaps the most dominant team ever, barring your fake EA NHL all-star team, taking on Norway. In a match reminiscent of the German blitzkrieg of Poland (who both coincidentally didn't qualify) the Canadian favourites devastated the self-esteem of the country best known for it's calendar content exports, 3-1.

self-esteem; Still OK.

The Canadian Olympic Hockey Team Roster Entry #2

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #2 

I can't even begin to say how many times I have been out and about and heard 'Hey, you're Ogie Oglethorpe, aren't you? What do you think of the Olympic hockey roster?'. 

I find it interesting anyone cares of my opinion on anything hockey-related as I continually finish in last place in any hockey pool I join. Perhaps they want my advice before they go and bet against it. Heck, I probably would too. But in all fairness and critique to my commissioner, dynasty hockey pools suck if you start out losing. 

1st things 1st, I don't care about the Olympics. Not one bit. I'd rather Canada took pride in other, more important things such as leading the world in cancer cures or space exploration or alternative fuel sources or social health or righting economic inequity or the number of rescued dogs and cats than to take pride a Canadian won a medal with a 4 year time limit that states they were Doubles Moguls Half-Pipe Champion or one of the best in 2-man Figure skating, which even I know is 20% skill and 100% politics.  

It's a thing, I saw it on TV so it must be true.

That said, I am Canadian, I am male so I have to have a vested interest in hockey. It's in our Constitution, somewhere near the bottom with an addendum that follows on the back that now includes women's hockey. 

But I need something to write about, so I'm going to go back and review my own predictions for the Men's Hockey Team and see how I did. I wrote about it here, back in August when all of Canada came in from the Lake and watched the roster announcements with bated breath, clutching their Canada flags. These picks were obviously before the TSN/Earth shocking news of Steve Stamkos injury and his super-human attempt to defy the laws of nature and bone structure to return in time for the Olympics. 

So how did I do, Ogie?

Canada's Olympic Team Preview Entry #1

Drew Doughty Vs. The World

This series of blog posts became the aforementioned title of a mini-booklet which can also be found on Amazon if you are that desperate to own near anything obscure about Drew Doughty. 

Entry #1

Each limited edition ring only cost $1.7 million tax dollars.

We take this break from ignoring the CFL to spend 15 minutes on national sports shows to discuss the reveal of the 47 players invited to attend the Team Canada Olympic Orientation Seminar next month.

Of course, not all of the 47 players will be going; only 25 will actually make the trip to 'who-gives-a-shit-just-play-hockey'.

It has been announced that the team will have 22 skaters, 3 goalies. The selection process is every boy who ever played NHL on any Sega, Genesis, Nintendo, PS1,2, or 3's dream. This is what most kids in Canada look forward to in today's day and age; the opportunity to not play hockey for their country but instead pick the ultimate dream team to do it for them on their game console.    

So here at ogieoglethorpe we are going to do our part so that the Hockey Canada coaching staff can continue to enjoy their summer vacations.

An intimate August moment with Mike Babcock