Saturday 15 February 2014

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Austria

TEAM CANADA AVOIDS NAIL-BITER IN NAIL-BITING WIN OVER TEAM AUSTRIA! 

(or)

PANDEMONIUM REIGNS AT JEFF CARTER'S AGENT'S HOUSE!


Team Austria's sweater strategy was interesting, but irrelevant.

The tension was evident on the Team Canada bench as their second game of the Olympics ended with the 26 NHL All-Stars of Canadian descent winning a squeaker against Team Austria, 6-0. The final winner was always in doubt up until the Olympics game schedule was announced months ago and if wasn't for the LA Kings' Jeff Carter scoring a hat-trick, the score would have been probably the same, if not higher, just with other players scoring.

"It wasn't easy," said Cory Perry, "I mean instead of passing the puck to one of us to score, Jeff would just shoot it in himself. That's a lot of pressure on the rest of us now to inflate our stats for our next contract negotiations. Jeff can just sit back and do what he does naturally, sit back."

Perry wasn't the only teammate to harbor some resentment of Carter's frequent scoring.

"Plus, every time he scored we would all have to go back to center ice and start all over again. It was hard to get any flow going," said John Tavares, "I was definitely feeling the tension, but the team doctor told me that it was probably because Matt Duchene tied my skates too tight."

Carter fulfills every Canadian boy's fantasy of scoring on Roberto Luongo.

Carter wasn't delving into the controversy that had all the TSN analysts discussing just how many goals he could have scored if he played a regular shift and why he found it so easy to score against a team that were wearing recycled more familiar red and white Team Canada sweaters.

"So I scored a few goals against a team that were pretending to be Team Canada. I do that all the time on my playstation back home. It's not that big of a deal," he added before giving the thumbs up sign to his agent talking on his phone beside him, "I once had two goals in 19 seconds against Nashville. Remind everyone about that."

Carter's hat trick was a welcome relief for his agent and the anxious Canadian reporters witnessing the game. Sochi's premier broadband service, Googulov, crashed momentarily from the sheer number of inquiries as to 'last time a Canadian scored a hat trick in the Olympics' and the close second: 'last time Jeff Carter scored a hat trick'. Despite the momentary set-back, Googulov service was soon restored in time for Matt Duchene to post a picture on facebook and updating his status saying that he was just thrilled to be taking part in the game. "I am sitting between Ryan Getzlaf and Cory Perry! I feel just like Bobby Ryan must have felt, only you know, without the scoring ability.".

Matt remembering to write a thank you to the Make-A-Wish Foundation
when he gets home.
Roberto Luongo was in top-form tonight, requesting a chair to sit on after the first intermission.
"It's never easy to stay completely focused for 60 minutes, especially when for the first 5 of those minutes we were tied 0-0. That's usually the worst part of a game for me, when we aren't leading."

Coach Mike Babcock was impressed with the overall play of the team, especially against the tough Austrian team which included two New York Islanders on the team, Michael Grabner and Thomas Vanek.
"You can't take those guys lightly, after all, the Islanders used to be a great dynasty back at the start of the 80's. Us coaches all remember that. We told the young guys that and they kind of laughed, but it's true. Even Johnny (Tavares) acknowledged it and he should know, he plays there too."

The other surprise for Team Canada, other than the large hate-on for the black uniforms, was the continuing offensive productivity from their defensemen as Shea Weber and Drew Doughty both hammered in their 2nd goals in as many games. P.K Subban, playing in his first Olympics game was the only Canadian player not to have a shot on goal, highly unusual for the Montreal defenceman who accounts for just over 50% of Montreal's shot total in regular NHL play.

"It was odd being out there," he admitted, "everyone on their team kept pointing at me and laughing. It was like they never seen a black person playing hockey before. It didn't help that Sid was over there, laughing with them when he wasn't signing all their hockey sticks and sweaters."

"seriously, PK, you're the only black guy here."
Michael Grabner explained, "Most everyone on our team has never seen a black person play hockey before. Raffls and I tried to tell them it's not a big thing in North America but they didn't believe me. I don't know what Crosby was doing. Nobody asked him for any autographs, he just did that."

Crosby stated via a press release after the game that he believed he was signing Team Canada sweaters as is his contractual obligation with Tim Horton's. He regrets the error but reminds everyone that not only does Tim Horton's serve great coffee and aren't Starbucks, they also support minor hockey through its' Timbits program, of which he was a proud participant although nobody outside of Canada understood what he was talking about.

but in all honesty, we can see his confusion.

Team Canada's next contest is against Team Finland on Sunday morning but Babcock is warning the team and Canada not to get too cocky. Team Finland has 16 NHL players on their roster, including all-star goalie Tuuka Rask (.928 save %) and Stanley Cup winner Anti Niemi (.918 save %) plus both Jokkinens and ageless wonder Teemu Selanne.

The winner will probably represent Group C in the medal round.

"Every game is a big game in the Olympics. Except these first two."

2 comments:

  1. Funny stuff, Ogie, really liked your last one too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Luongo's comment about the worst part of a game for him - hilarious!

    ReplyDelete