Radiohead's albums, from worst to first.

Ever read something that someone wrote online that you had a vested interest in? I didn't think I ever had until I read a stupid 'List-icle' about Radiohead, rating their studio albums from worst to first.

I knew I was in the presence of someone relatively new to the game of writing lists from the completely subjective selection of his list - no facts behind his choices, just bare, personal reasoning. Well, I can do that too. The writer pissed me off immediately by stating Pablo Honey was Radiohead's worst album and it just got worse from there. His top pick was 'In Rainbows', calling it the album above all others, Radiohead's pinnacle of success. Say wha????

So in an effort to put things right (and I'm suffering a case of writer's block right now) I'm going to make my own goddamn subjective list of Radiohead's albums. Starting with;

One of my favourite South Park bits - teaching, 80s style...

http://i.imgur.com/CfBMSJ2.gifv

Zombies.

Zombies. The 'It' Scourge.

Zombies, keeping it PG-friendly since 2015!

Love'm or hate'm, and let's be honest here, zombies are here to stay. For every one zombie movie/video game concept shot down, 3 more rise to take its place.  From Walking Dead to Plants Vs. Zombies to Black Ops, zombies continue to be the Beatles of the Undead.

Seriously, Google Search is amazing...

Hollywood has tried rebooting vampires, werewolves and mummys. Even Godzilla makes a resurgence every few years in an effort to try to brand itself on popular culture the way a Good Zombie plague has done. Yet nothing has been able to take the crown of the Undead away from these mindless drones that symbolize humanity's need to conform to just about anything put in front of them.

Y'all wanna hear a story?

If you haven't really appreciated your life in the last few days, consider this epic tale from another world.

Follow the whole story here.

Onto other things.

Perhaps a mid-40s man wasting his valuable computer time on comparing the 2 fledgling careers of 2 18 year old hockey players isn't the smartest use of my insights. But it did get me back (slightly) onto the computer, which is good. Perhaps my choice of subjects was wrong but in the end, it was an attempt to make fun of the situation; it's hockey. But then baseball happened and whatever comment I was trying to make of the attention being paid to these kids was nothing compared to the Blue Jays making it to the playoffs.

Last year, as a sort of in-joke, a boss of mine gave me an award for 'broker with the most hats'. This was in reference to all that I was/am trying to be; a mortgage broker, a care aide, a writer, a firefighter, home renovator, and last but most important to me, a good father, a good long-distance father and lastly, a good husband.

Ron Swanson has a saying "Don't half-ass two things, whole ass one thing" that struck a chord with his followers (me included). It's about making a choice and committing to one choice. I totally understand what the message is but in my world that one choice, as much as I would prefer, is not going to happen anytime in the near future.

I have whole-assed many things in my life. In a way, I half-assed them but I'm proud of all the experiences I had but in the end I am the only one who knows about most of them.However, I am tired. I want to simplify my life. I'm tired of being tired all the time.

Last year was supposed to be a game-changer for me. Money was supposed to be pouring out of at least one of those many hats I wore. I thought I would be spending more time on my financial career, helping my community by responding to fire calls, fulfilling my inner child by publishing some long-buried novels I needed to get some closure on. But there was no money rain; fire calls came either when I was at work or alone with the children. I needed to learn to market myself, either in brokering or in publishing but to choose either road would mean I would lose what little time I have with my youngest, a time I won't ever have a chance to repeat again. And I would be half-assing two things.

It was a tough sacrifice. I'm still tired. Maybe even more tired than two years ago. I was able to accomplish some goals, but as always seems to be the case, I fell short of time. There is still a lot to do around the house and no money to pay others to do it, so it falls to me. My kids don't understand Dad has other things he should be doing. The weather doesn't understand. My night job doesn't understand. My bank account understands. My body is trying to get me to understand. It warns me every month that something has to give; I need to start whole-assing one thing and re-prioritize what I should be concentrating on.

So what is it going to be, Dad?

2013 6 NHL playoff rivalries and chances if we will see them again

THE RETRO-FILES: Golden Oldies 2013
or Better save this for posterity before the original website goes belly up and deletes all my contributions. 

The NHL playoffs start on April 30th. Here is a quick primer for your hockey sports fans on playoff series to watch, why, and chances of it happening.

The NHL is about to begin its 95th Stanley Cup campaign. It’s 2.5 months of heightened intensity and do-or-die attitudes and for many men it will be their only chance to have their name etched forever on hockey’s holy grail. It’s a dream many have had since they first laced up a pair of skates and have worked on all their lives. It takes 16 games to win the Stanley Cup but only 4 games lost to have that dream crushed. As with all great sporting leagues, there are a few rivalries that all marketing men and homer fans hope for as teams with a history of going head to head in the playoffs bring some of the most exciting hockey that will be witnessed this lock-out shortened year.

Thanks to the internet and proliferation of free televised sporting events sites, new and old fans from overseas have more opportunity than ever before to watch some of the greatest, high-intensity hockey you will see this year in an ever-evolving game for better or worse.

Here are 6 of the biggest rivalries in the NHL and the chances of us seeing them on the ice this year…

6. Pittsburgh Penguins Vs Philadelphia Flyers AKA The Battle of Penn State.

Philly has some of the most vocal, passionate fans in the league, Pittsburgh is one of the most talented. There are a number of current and future hall-of-famers on this year’s Penguins while the best one can say is that this year’s Philly team has a number of future ex-NHL’rs on theirs.

Yet, when the two teams meet up it makes for some of the most passionate and exciting hockey in the league. They have met 6 times in the playoffs, playing 35 games with the Flyers having the edge 19-16 in wins.

Last year, the teams combined for 45 goals and 309 penalty minutes in a spirited 6 game series; that’s an average of just over 7 goals and 50 penalty minutes a game which is 1980′s numbers. Last year, the underdog Flyers surprised the league’s best team 4 games to 2 in the first round of the playoffs. If you want goals, hits, controversy and fans being spit on, Pittsburgh and Philly are an Eastern Conference dream match-up that will be hard to beat.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 – 5%

Pittsburgh is pretty much guaranteed 1st in the East, with 10 games left. Philadelphia has to somehow gain 6 points on 3 teams to get the final playoff position. With less than 10 games remaining and having to rely on at least two of the other teams involved choking, sadly the possibility is pretty unlikely this year.

Read more at http://whatculture.com/sport/nhl-2013-6-biggest-playoff-rivalries-and-if-theyll-happen-again.php#PqlfO7krwOhKCe0Z.99

5. Montreal Canadiens Vs Boston Bruins

These teams have met a record total of 170 times in the post season, with Montreal having the huge edge in games won, 102-68 and series wins 24-9. Their first match up was in 1929, the last one in 2011. There was a period of 18 straight times the Canadiens beat the Bruins in the playoffs, a total spanning 45 years which was finally broken in 1988. Since then the teams have been on much more equal footing play-wise but Boston is considered the more dominant
physical team while Montreal the much more hospitalized team.

For example, to keep things interesting for the doctors, there was this famous donnybrook, then this straight-to-the-hospital hit by the world’s tallest player, Zdeno Chara, and then this incident last year.

And in a classic “I’m screwing your ex-girlfriend’ move, in 2012 the Boston Bruins drafted the younger brother of Montreal Canadiens star defencemen P.K. Subban in the NHL entry league draft, making for future family gatherings at the Subban household somewhat uncomfortable I am sure.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013- 60%

With Montreal and Boston both in the upper half of the current standings, a renewal of the league’s longest rivalry is within possibility. Both teams would have to beat their first round opponents and survive the inevitable Montreal riots that will follow each series victory. Boston, having won the Cup 2 years ago and standing behind the giant Zdeno Chara would be a ‘tall’ test for Montreal but all bets are off when it comes to the Canadiens and their storied history of beating the Bruins when it matters

4. Edmonton Oilers Vs Calgary Flames AKA The Battle of Alberta

During the later eighties, the victor of this series was all but guaranteed to go on and win the Stanley Cup, 7 times in 8 years. Geographically Edmonton and Calgary are a short (for Canada) 4 hour freeway ride from each other which made for plenty of beer-drinking fans making the trek either way to show their support. The Oilers, the undisputed (except by Calgary) team of the eighties were packed with hall of fame talent that were setting records at an amazing pace, the Flames were like the little brother tired of big brother getting all the attention. The Flames only managed to beat the Oilers once in the playoffs back in 1986, thanks to a fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on which team you were rooting for) bounce that thanks to the internet and Flames fans, will never be forgotten.

They met a total of 30 times, with the Oilers coming out on top 19 of those. They haven’t met each other in the playoffs since 1991, when the Oilers once again eliminated the Flames from Stanley Cup contention. The Flames finally returned to the Stanley Cup Finals in 2004 putting the city into such an uproar that their fans created the now legendary Red Mile, a zone of post-game partying of New Orleans Mardi-Gras proportions. They went on to lose to an upstart Southern US expansion team. The following year the Oilers were quick to repeat the same feat, losing to another Southern US expansion team but in the more important category, named their party zone the Blue Mile showing that even in letting down all of Canada, the two still love a good competition.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 0%

Unless there's a tragic double-booking at a golf course in Red Deer, situated as it is right between the two Titanic-esque franchises, the Titanic has a better chance of rising from the ocean floor filled with Water Zombies (has that genre been created yet?) than the league has of seeing these 2 compete, not just this year but in the foreseeable future. Edmonton has a host of young stars with the right chemistry and veteran leadership have a distant shot at the playoffs if not this year, then soon. Calgary has a new juice blender in their dressing room and has just said good-bye to their team’s all-time leading scorer. Unless 7 teams above them suddenly all disappear in a tragic Titanic Water Zombie invasion the Flames and Oilers can start polishing their golf clubs now.

3. New York Rangers Vs New York Islanders Vs New Jersey Devils AKA The Battle Of New York AKA The Hudson River Rivalry

In this strange hockey love triangle in the heart of the world’s biggest market, these three teams are literally spitting distance from each other yet due to the years of inept performance mostly on the Islanders part, they have never met the Devils in the playoffs. The Rangers have no problem stepping out on their long-time state rivals to make some sweet hockey love with cross-river rivals the New Jersey Devils when it comes time for the playoffs.

The Rangers and the Devils have renewed shenanigans 6 times in the playoffs, with the Rangers coming out on top 16 of the 34 times they have faced off against each other, winning 4 series out of six.

The most memorable moment came in 1994 when NY captain Mark Messier, with his team facing elimination, took time out from apparently dating Madonna to ‘guarantee a victory’ in the upcoming game, which usually means ‘guarantee a loss’. Messier scored all 3 goals that night to defeat the Devils 3-2 and guaranteed himself a place in New York sporting history along the lines of Babe Ruth’s calling-his-shot baseball legend. The Rangers went on to win the series and their first Stanley Cup in 44 years, defeating the Vancouver Canucks in one of the closest Stanley Cup series ever played in modern times, 4 games to 3.

While the last 20 years the focus has been on the much more likely Devils/Rangers match-up the possibility of an Islanders/Rangers playoff match would have NY hockey fans salivating and an ‘all bets are off’ mentality in backing a winner, due to the bragging rights that come with each cross-town victory. Back in the day when the Islanders were considered a powerhouse team, the teams faced off in the playoffs 8 times with the Islanders having a slight edge in wins 20-19.

Another great byproduct of this series would be the re-introduction of some of the most spirited crowd taunts in league history; Ranger fans have their favourite; “Potvin sucks“, a reference to the all-star Islander defenceman Denis Potvin who retired decades ago yet apparently is still popular while Islanders fan have adopted a rendition of ‘The Rangers suck’ to accompany the Chicken Dance Polka. Yes, it sounds lame but one has to admit is pretty funny when you hear it.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 10%

All 3 of these teams still have a viable chance to make the playoffs, it will be an uphill battle much like Toronto and Ottawa. All will have to defeat far superior opponents (and/or Ottawa) to get the chance to be able to ride the bus to their next away game and be back before bedtime. The Devils do have the greatest goalie in the game in net and the Rangers have the handsomest one. The shock of having to consider that the Islanders might beat one of them out of a playoff spot will be pretty awkward on the final day of the regular season. 

2. Toronto Maple Leafs Vs Ottawa Senators AKA The Battle of Ontario 

Another all Canadian match-up, these two teams have met 24 times in the playoffs since the year 2000 when they faced off 4 of 5 years, with Toronto coming out on top in 16 of those games, eliminating the Ottawa Senators in every series they met.

The bitterness between the two teams has had some great moments, with Ottawa captain Daniel Alfredson going all Mark Messier and guaranteeing a win in a do-or-die game back in 2004. The Senators won the game but forgot that they still needed to win one more, bowing out in an anticlimatic 4-1 loss in game 7.

Toronto has long been considered the center of the hockey universe by Torontonians but the pecularity of the team having to play in the post-season, something that hasn’t been done in nearly a decade may be too much for their collective head to fathom as they usually reserve the Spring for watching baseball’s Toronto Blue Jays start their yearly fall from playoff contention.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 20%

While it is likely both these teams might make the playoffs, they will both first have to beat far superior opponents (Pittsburgh/Montreal/Boston) in the first round. For both teams to pull off major upsets will be a great surprise, but stranger things have happened. Toronto will have to shrug off the celebration of just finally making the playoffs having been in the longest playoff drought in the league and their storied history. Most of Ottawa is still not aware their team is in the playoffs yet and will wonder why it’s so hard to find parking around the hockey arena.

1. Vancouver Canucks Vs Chicago Blackhawks AKA TBA

Although these teams have met relatively few times in their history it has really gathered steam in the last few seasons as most other playoff series in the Western Conference are only a prelude to this match up, much like the Battle of Alberta in the 80′s.

Ironically, Vancouver owes Chicago for it’s wildly popular ’Towel Power’ playoff theme from their first playoff series back in 1982. The scene of Head Coach Roger Nielson holding up a white towel in surrender to the game’s officials has become iconic in NHL playoff lore and Vancouver has been waving that flag ever since, without really understanding the irony. I guess because it’s Vancouver.

Chicago won hard-fought and hair-pulling (literally) series in 2009 and 2010 in 6 games. Vancouver finally beat Chicago in 2011, surviving blowing a 3 game lead to win on an overtime winner in game 7, 4 games to 3.

Adding fuel to this rivalry were some comments made by Chicago’s Dave Bolland on a local radio station a couple years ago regarding the Canucks star twin forwards, Daniel and Henrik Sedin and the city of Vancouver itself;

“[The Sedin twins will] never become ‘Hawks,” Bolland said. “I don’t think we’d let them on our team. That’d probably be one thing. We’d be sure not to let them on our team. And, yeah, they probably still would be sisters. I think they might sleep in, like, bunk beds. The older one has the bottom one, the younger one’s got the top.

“There’s a lot of weirdos [in Vancouver]. You don’t want to be out there too long.”

To be fair, Vancouver does have a lot of weirdos, having lived there myself for five years. With both teams consistently in the top 5 of league standings over the last half-decade, the passion and hatred that fuels this rivalry make it hard to beat.

Chances Of It Happening In 2013 - 90%

Both these teams are tops in their conference and are considered Cup favourites again. An anomaly last year led to both teams being defeated by far weaker (on paper) opponents, denying hard-core fans a 4th straight year of amazing intense hockey. I don’t see that happening again. Chicago has been amazing this year, going the first half undefeated over 24 games. Vancouver has 2 arguably all-star goalies on their roster to lean on if either one goes south. However, so does Chicago.

If you only pick one series to watch, this is it. If either team is able to get out of this series with relatively few injuries, look for the eventual Stanley Cup winner

5 of 82 posts McDavid vs Eichel

GAME 5(s)

McDavid vs. Calgary

Headline; McDavid Shines as Oilers Top Flames

Between The Lines Summary; McDavid FINALLY gets some points. Watch out, Gretzky

The Stat Facts;

2 goal, 1 assists. 4 shots

W 5-2
Year To Date 3 G 1 A

Eichel vs. Tampa Bay

Headline: Bishop, Killhorn lead Lightning past Sabres
Between the Lines Summary; Eichel, a rookie, took a right circle shot which Bishop saved.
The Stats Facts:

0 goal, 0 assists, 4 shots

L 2-1
Year to Date 2 G 0 A

Winner; McDavid finally scores 3 points in a game.   

Season Record 

                               W L    T

Team Eichel          2    1     2

Team McDavid     1    1     2

4 of 82 Posts McDavid vs Eichel

GAME 4(s)

McDavid vs. St. Louis

Headline; NHL life ‘not going to get any easier’ for Connor McDavid

Between The Lines Summary; He's a boy playing with the Big Boys Now. Edmonton still sucks.

The Stat Facts;

0 goal, 0 assists.  shots

L 4-2
Year To Date 1 G 0 A

Eichel vs. Florida

Headline: Jagr continues hot start to lead Panthers over Sabres
Between the Lines Summary; Jack 'Rodney Dangerfield' Eichel gets one line at the bottom of the article. McDavid gets a whole fan blog for the entire year. 

The Stats Facts:

0 goal, 0 assists, 2 shots

L 3-2
Year to Date 2 G 0 A

Winner; Eichel. based on the fact it seems he actually touched the puck 2x in his game.  

Season Record 

                               W L    T

Team Eichel          2    0     2

Team McDavid     0    1     2

3 of 82 Posts McDavid vs. Eichel

GAME 3

McDavid vs. Dallas

Headline; Connor McDavid, Oilers centre, scores 1st NHL Goal

Between The Lines Summary; Oh thank God, he finally scored. CBC readers don't know who Connor McDavid plays for. 

The Stat Facts;

1 goal, 0 assists. 3 shots

L 4-2
Year To Date 1 G 0 A

Eichel vs. Tampa Bay

Headline: Eichel's impressive snipe worth another look
Between the Lines Summary; We expected these kind of goals from McDavid. 

The Stats Facts:

1 goal, 0 assists, 2 shots

W 4-2
Year to Date 2 G 0 A

Winner; Tie

Season Record 

                               W L    T

Team Eichel          1    0     2

Team McDavid     0    1     2

2 of 82 Posts: McDavid v Eichel

GAME

McDavid vs. Nashville

Headline; It's Going to Take Some Time For McDavid to Adjust to NHL

Between The Lines Summary; Maybe everybody should lower their expectations. He's 18.

The Stat Facts;

0 goals, 0 assists. 2 shots

L 2-0

Eichel vs. Tampa Bay

Headline: Sabre's Eichel Impresses Lightning
Between the Lines Summary; Nobody else is impressed anymore. No headline on Sportsnet or tsn

The Stats Facts:

0 goals, 0 assists, 1 shots

L 4-1

Winner; Tie

Season Record 

                               W L    T

Team Eichel          1   0     1

Team McDavid     0   1     1

1 of 82 Posts: McDavid v Eichel

Ali vs. Frazier. Gretzky vs. Lemieux. Barkley vs. NBA's Buffet Tables. And now Jack Eichel vs Connor McDavid.

Unless you live in a box with no Internet or have no interest in hockey, much like I have no interest in the rankings of European Union Football Clubs, you've heard so much about Connor McDavid over the last year, you feel like a bit of a creeper, wondering why so many grown men are talking about this young man who can not yet legally drink a beer. You probably cringe at the words 'generational talent' and laughed at the guy in your hockey pool who picked him as his first round pick. Then there's this Jack Eichel guy, the 2nd prize at the NHL Prom. Wait? He's another 'generational talent'? He's born American? The propaganda writes iself. Let the battle begin!!!

and Jack Eichel.

Long Time No Rant; Fostering Dead Kids

More tragic news in BC's Children's Ministry (MCFD for short) when a teen still 'technically' under the government's care either fell or jumped out of a 4 story hotel window to his death.

this is the truest picture of group home kids
I could find in a google search

The predominant question in the media is: how come this child was living unsupervised in a hotel room for the last few months? This follows up on the recent overdose of Paige (no last name given), a 19 year old girl who aged out of 'care' and died in a Vancouver East Side communal bathroom to little announcement, other than the usual condemnation by BC Children's Advocate saying the usual words that start nearly every statement released by her office regarding a child who makes a tragic blip in the radar of local media.

"This is a tragedy," said Mary Ellen Turpel-Lafond, B.C.'s Representative for Children and Youth.

Things I Missed On Summer Vacation

Thanks to the joys of multi-jobs, banked time and home renovations, I've spent nearly 3 weeks off the Internet. It wasn't completely cold turkey, but my interactions with the soul-sucker was pretty limited with the occasional facebook post and or a shocking realization that I haven't checked my email in a few days.

Now, I'm back to work and having little to do for the next 6 hours... here I am again! This is probably a good thing as I was feeling a little down lately; I think it is because I haven't been doing any writing, my own personal venting system to ease the angst that builds up inside of me.

So where to begin....

Politics? The Canadian election is still a month away. I don't know anyone who has ever changed their views during an election campaign. There have been a couple political grandstands that have bothered me. The Liberals Justin Trudeau wanted a non-election sit-down with the NDP and PCs concerning Syrian refugees after a picture of a drowned 3 yr old went viral. So, points earned from the Syrian voters, votes deleted from the African voters who hear weekly of the thousands of deaths of their continental brothers trying to flee the shithouse that is running rampant there still. Nobody is talking about assisting them to get to Canada.

The NDP announced they would leave the fight against ISIS. While I agree with that - that's a political military football that should have waited until after the election was over. Why? As I quote from an American soldier I met in Seattle; 'the military is trained to vote for their commander in chief. To vote against them is a form of treason.'. It is why most military always vote for the Man in Power come election day. The military, barring a few outliers are pro-war/intervention/whateveryouwantocallit. So, don't threaten to pull the plug on a major economic generator for the Martitimes.

Just some recent thoughts of no real merit.

BradyGate. Or Cheaters Never Prosper (unless they win)

Yes, entirely too much time was spent on this. Call it cheating, call it 'having an advantage' but the fact is the Patriots have been cheating for the better part of a decade as a recent ESPN article has pointed out. The good thing is that despite the cheating, they have not been able to win a Superbowl in a decade. The bad thing is that they did win the Superbowl, thanks to the call that shall not be named. Yes, Brady is a good quarterback. Bellichuck is a good coach. They're not great as it appears they never played on a even footing with most other teams. Yes, they symbolize America in the 'win at all costs' mentality and when the ultimate test of American Justice is they have to swear to tell the truth to 'God', well God ain't the one who's signing his paychecks.

Baseball thoughts

What a strange game. The Toronto Blue Jays are in the top of their division. Their win average is less than .600. That means they have barely won over 1/2 of their games. Canadian baseball fans are ecstatic. For a team that out of every 10 games, they win at least 5. And we think that's pretty good, and it is pretty good by baseball standards. And we think if you get on base 3 out of 10x at bat, you are really good. So good, you will get paid millions to hit the ball less than 50% of the time somewhere else. How many other sports reward players that fail to to achieve something less than 50% of the time? Where are you if you catch a football 50% of the time? In the stands. What about a hockey goalie with a .500 save %? In the stands. Basketball shooting %? In the stands. So, yay, baseball!

In fact, only 2 teams are over .600 and they are in the same division in the National conference. But yay for Canada. Plus, let's not forget they all compete to win the World Series title, which is probably the only sport in the world that doesn't allow other countries to enter (barring Toronto).


The Good Broom.

My wife gets mad at me if i clean up drywall dust and such with the 'good broom'. I never realized there was such a thing as a good broom. It implies there is a bad broom. In which case, why would I use it? I want to sweep something up which is why i used the broom. What is the point of having a bad broom anyways? Women are strange.

ISIS Propaganda and Me

The problem with finding support in the War Against ISIS is simple. It's a sham. It's a headless monster created by a foreign state to justify the buying of bullets in the name of capitalism.

wooooo.... we're ISIS....

I find it sad/funny that the major news sources still call ISIS a 'group of militants', as if they are nothing more than a bunch of weekend warriors or the equivalency of a group of South American guerrillas, only with less forest. I know I'm not alone but when you hear of the glorious reports of victory by our Allied forces it reminds me slightly of Nazi propaganda, partly of Big Brother in 1984.

ISIS is a direct result of the glorious Mission Accomplished US invasion of Iraq. Most people of modest intelligence remember the frustration as the case against invading Iraq was established in the court of popular opinion. We, the people, learned that court means little to the higher powers. We all knew there was no evidence in support of Iraq having anything to do with 9/11. Yet, the US government, in collaboration with a disbelieving yet obedient national press, the lies were continually published. They still are.

This diatribe/rant is because I heard today on national radio that ISIS's #2 man was apparently killed through the 'coalition strike force'. Of course, because nobody has heard of this man before this memo, a brief summary of who he was followed.

Barney's Version Book Review

Hey, so why not?

Apparently I can cut and paste book reviews I've done into my blog. So, let's give it a try.

If anyone else has read this, I'd appreciate a line if you want to talk about it. I seem to be missing what people liked about it.



Barney's Version by Mordecai Richler
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

I really liked 'Solomon Gursky was Here' although Richler writing does tend to isolate readers of the non-jewish persuasion (such as myself). I picked up Barney's Version and had a few problems with it; it could definitely have used a preface explaining the context. I think it would have been much stronger in my opinion if the afterword (written by his son) was actually the foreword.

Possible spoilers;

I really hated the corrective footnotes. Although it is eventually explained it was Barney's son adding them after a supposed legal discussion as to editing Barney's autobiography, it read like lazy copy editing, as if Richler's publisher wasn't allowed to do any editing. It's not until later is it established that Barney's mind is slipping and these are part of the character development as to the crux of the 'did he or didn't he' regarding Boogie's disappearance.

Then to have the last paragraphs basically create another possibility without any other hints throughout the story was a weak cop-out.

Barney isn't likable, and pretty much Richler writes every Jewish stereotype in existence into his character and the secondary ones as well. His snide observations of Quebec and Toronto cultures come off as just that. It's an okay book but nowhere as excellent as Solomon Gursky.

Recommend only to hard-core Richler fans.

View all my reviews

Free ebook birthday giveaway.

There's simply no way to avoid this but chronologically I am evidently another year older.

So what can you do to celebrate? Why not grab one of my free books online? I'm offering up all 3 of the books I've self-published this year for free on Smashwords. Catch is they only come in ebook format so if you are a fan of this futuristic medium, head over here and grab yourself one or all three. You can give them out as gifts or just keep them to yourself on your futuristic reading device. If you like them, tell your friends and or send them the link. The offer is good all weekend, then next week they'll probably rise in price to nearly two whole dollars. So best to just tell them now without actually having read them yet.  

And...

If you are still an old-school reader who loves having a bookshelf and having books on them so that when people come over they can diagnose what troubles you, then get hard copy versions over at Amazon. There is Midland Mutiny, Stoner, Unincorporated and Enter A Fistful of Marijuana. All you have to do is that thing you do when you purchase items off the Internet. My bank account thanks you for the 35% royalty I receive. You receive the book in a few weeks, straight to your door in plain brown wrapping. Nothing suspicious there at all, Mr. Postman.


And...

If you are curious as to what I'm currently working on, head over to here. There's the edited first chapter of a work in progress - more ...grounded... in reality than my previous ones. It's more of a John Irving World According to Garp story of a boy and girl growing up, falling in love, finding out they like the same author who coincidentally is writing their life story... something like that anyways.

Online reviews, comments always semi-helpful if you are on Goodreads, Amazon, Kindle etc.  

Okay, I'm going to have a good birthday by sleeping through most of it, waking up and spending time with my wonderful family on a hot summer's day. There may be ice cream involved and listening to some old cassette tapes.

5 Cassette Tapes From My Past

You know you are getting older when you have to start using math to figure out how old you are...

And that being said, I'm getting older. This weekend, to be exact. I don't feel old. I am currently watching (and loving) Workaholics and I think Mad Max;Fury Road is the Movie of the Year. But my age betrays me, as does my body at times. I think others my age are sitting in front of their TVs watching Jeopardy and loving socially conscious movies like 12 Years A Slave (note-haven't seen it so not a critique). Perhaps they are thinking of how to maximize their RRSP contributions while I'm still trying to figure out what an RRSP is. All I know is there a level of shame I feel as I am not ready for old age at all. I don't have a retirement plan and only in the last few years am I understanding the cause and effect of putting beer and hot wings through my system without an adequate amount of fiber after.

Off Season Game Plan Dallas Stars Edition

Dallas. Where the men are either steers or queers. Remember when the Bruins sent Tyler Seguin, aka not Taylor Hall for Loui Eriksson to the Lone Star state to up the steer ratio and number of recent Stanley Cup winners on the team by 1? Dallas girls got ready to party.

unfortunately, they also brought their
less attractive friend to the games as well

He joined a relatively unheard of Jaime Benn to create a scoring force of extraordinary magnitude - so extraordinary that Jaime Benn wound up winning the Art Ross trophy, a trophy usually reserved for one of the 'elite' scorers of the NHL who people with some small knowledge have heard of him, so good for him for bringing the first major award to Dallas since the Mike Modano/Ken Hitchcock days.

Off Season Game Plan The Florida Panthers Edition

In which blahblahblah...

Florida Panthers. Tampa Bay's older, less successful brother. He's the NHL equivalent of the bartender who remembers what it was like in the 'good ol' days' and is having a mid-life crisis because of how successful his younger brother is. Kinda like JD's brother in Scrubs. You know, the guy who played Ed and the guy who mentors the Flash?

10 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murdering Someone

To celebrate passing 30,000 views with little to no idea of how to do social marketing of this blog, here's one of my favourites. I believe it was the third thing I ever had web-published, the first one I pitched to a faceless Internet website editor. The first two were an essay on Arrested Development and Actors in Need of a Kick Start, respectively. But this one was the first accepted pitch and I think is indicative of my writing; serious subject matter with an absurd twist. Enjoy and thanks! 

9 10 Radio-Friendly Songs About Murder

To be clear, this article does not condone murder. Using the word ‘murder’ in any state, be it past, present, or future tense on your Facebook status will create no amount of issues somewhere down the line so it’s best to never use it. Ever. Or do it, double ever. There is a little-used caveat for artists because they can pretend to do it consequence-free as poetic license. It’s in the Artist’s Charter (near the back).

The Reddit Implosion

Reddit, formally known as the 'front page of the Internet' has been suffering some major popcorn drama in recent weeks. Perhaps thought of as the pinnacle of what the Internet can be, it has taken on a life of its own, mirroring the hypocrisy, challenges and tribulations of 'Murica and their stance on free speech. Here is a link to the situation.

The Off-Season Game Plan: The Colorado Avalanche Edition

In which I realize I can't possibly have a life and keep up to Scott Cullen, who does these over at TSN and gets paid. So I do it for fun and practice.

The Colorado Avalanche aka The Return of the King Year 3

It was the best of times. After several below par seasons, Avalanche all-star Joe Sakic reached out to another former Colorado all-star. King Patrick Roy returned to the NHL after a semi-successful training session in Junior as father/coach. While he successfully jumped back into the NHL, his two sons have found truer callings and conveniently forget to send him Father's Day cards (maybe, what do I know?). Post note Bobby Nadreau no longer pretends to be invisible to avoid conflict.


King Roy arrived in Denver with his customary flash - losing his shit in his first (?) game with Bruce Boudreau.

My vote for Funniest Movie Actress

Let's give some female credit where female credit is due. When it comes to comedians, we can all name off 10 'Go-To' actors we like or expect to see in comedies. Most of them will have Saturday Night Live Credits. So I'm going to give this a try; the first 10 comedians to pop into my head.
Steve Martin, Steve Carrall, Jim Carey, Adam Sandler (I will use the term loosely for him nowadays), David Spade, Ed Helms, Rob Schneider, Seth Rogen, James Franco, Ben Stiller.

There's a lot more of course, but those are just the first 10 that came to mind. Now try that for women... It gets a lot harder. Kirsten Wiig has been in near every movie recently that required an 'approachable, yet funny' female role; she really came into her own in Bridesmaids. There was also Melissa McCarthy (I think that's her name, also in Bridesmaids). Cameron Diaz has had her fair share of laughers since Something About Mary, as has Malin Akerman in Heartbreak Kid aka Something About Mary 2 but I wouldn't consider Malin a household name just yet.

Then there's Leslie Mann. She's incredible and her list of comedies stretches over a decade. It helps in casting she's Judd Apatow's wife, no doubt. But she isn't defined by who she is married to. And she doesn't need to be to be looking to Judd for movie roles.

The Off-Season Game Plan; San Jose Sharks Edition

By now you know how this goes. I, without any help from any stats sites or office fan boys or any pay from the NHL head office go ahead and help decide what millionaire owners should do with their money and/or their team.

This time, I'm about to get all 'up in it' with the San Jose Sharks.

The San Jose Sharks recently lost the mantle of 'perennial Cup contender' to the Anaheim Ducks this year. The Sharks have consistently been picked to be one of the top challengers to the Cup at the beginning of each year since I can remember, which is technically 2003. And yet, they have never been able to make it to the Glory Land and ticket revenues of the Stanley Cup.

It all came to a head this year when the face of the franchise and their all-time assists leader Joe Thornton was stripped of his Captaincy. Then there was the things the press made into big deals but didn't really deserve any more thought devoted to it so you will have to look it up yourself in case you don't remember.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan: The Columbus Blue Jackets

In which I hammer out my advice to NHL teams for free and without any proof to back it up, unlike Scott Cullen over at TSN, whose Off-Season Game Plan I am blatantly ripping from.

The Columbus Blue Jackets Edition

AKA The most huggable team in the Eastern Conference

First, in total honesty I have yet to figure out where Columbus is on a map. I know it is in Ohio but until recently I thought it was somewhere around Wyoming, the Saskatoon of America. Don't get me wrong, I love their flying rebel bumble bee logo and I also love Nic Foligno who I drafted lower-down in my hockey pool and who became one of my better players.

Columbus is known for 2 things. Hockey isn't one of them. It's in Ohio and named after the explorer that started a mass genocide of indigenous people 500 years ago that still has repercussions today, sor of like the NHL player's strike/walk out in 1992. And oh yeah, Rick Nash played there for 10 years.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The Philadelphia Flyers Edition

In which Scott Cullen, TSN, stats blablahblah

The Philly Flyers. One of the most legendary teams in NHL history (who, much like the topic of banning fighting) resurfaces once every 10 years to play in (and lose) the Stanley Cup Finals. Since their loss in 2010 to that weird Patrick Kane goal that nobody but Kaner knew about, it's been all downhill from there. Perhaps it was Craig Berube's coaching strategy but this is a team that underachieved this year. Don't look for it to happen again.Unless their new coach turns out to be the Barry Melrose of 2015.

The good news? As patterns go, the Flyers hit the bottom of their decade cycle and they are climbing back to the top! Just as soon as they figure out how to do that.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The New Jersey Devils

In which I read Scott Cullen's thoughts on TSN and bla blah blah - with no statistics to back it up.

The New Jersey Devils Edition

Philly fans REALLY didn't appreciate that.

 The Devils. The third corner of the NHL's biggest market. The team that made 'neutral zone trap' famous and 'Lindros! Heads up!' the last thing Eric heard on many a game day.



While it was only three years ago Marty took one last stab at a Stanley Cup, they have yet to make the playoffs since. While they did have some foresight in trading for Cory Schneider to replace the 'Will Have to Retire Someday' All-Star Martin Brodeur, they unfortunately haven't been able to do much more, and still rely on former top guns Patrick Elias (20 yrs a devil), Travis Zajac and Danius Zubrus to lead a rag-tag collection of 2nd line veterans and young defense in the hopes of one day finding a Scott Stevens or Niedermayer in the rough.

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The Carolina Hurricanes Edition

In which Ogie gives another viewpoint of what needs to be done in the off-season, flagrantly lifting the idea off Scott Cullen of TSN. Only, without having any statistics to back up his plan...

The Carolina Hurricanes AKA The Arizona Coyotes of the East

Remember when the Carolina Hurricanes were relevant? No? Maybe because they never were. Ever since their move down the coast from Hartford, Carolina has lived on borrowed time. Yes, they won a Stanley Cup but even that was in one of the most boring years in recent memory. The biggest headline of the year was Steve Irwin dying (which was admittedly very tragic) and the year Facebook debuted to a mass audience.

If you are too lazy to click, it was in 2006, the year after the NHL owners locked out the players for a year, causing an avalanche of players to retire and find real work, including a handful of decent European goalies who decided to stay home; Irbe, Salo, Turek, Cechmanek are all familiar names to those who remember the dark days. Besides a lot of fringe players, former All-Star Players put out to pasture included Mark Messier, Brett Hull, Adam Oates, Scott Stevens, Al MacInnis, Vinnie Damphousse, Steve Thomas, Igor Larionov, Cliff Ronning and Felix Potvin.

Ron Francis also retired before the 2006 season. He is often regarded as the person people are least likely to know is the 4th leading scorer all-time and 2nd only to Wayne Gretzky in assists ended his career with Carolina and is currently part-owner and general manager of the Hurricanes.

I tell you all this because it's way more interesting than talking about the present-day Hurricanes.

Head Coach 

Yes. They appear to be sticking with Bill Peters, so that's a step up from many of the other teams the Hurricanes would be considered competitive with. Nobody expects much of this team at the moment so consider that job security. It would take a pretty long losing streak to put his job in jeopardy. Or if he had a Jon Tortorella type personality. But he doesn't.

Seriously, how could anyone fire this guy? 

Forwards

Well, there's 1/2 the Stall brothers in Carolina so they have that going for them. Neither had a stellar year so they have that going against them. Th younger of the two, Jordan, played only 46 games and contributed 6 goals. Captain Eric is in the last year of his whopping $8.25 million contract and if you don't think he's going to be having a better year, better call his accountant.

One also pays less in razors.

Jeff Skinner, if healthy, provides a decent 2nd liner. Victor Fask is also someone to consider in your hockey pool if +/- isn't a category. Nathan Gerbe, the shortest guy in the league (I think) should be able to provide a bit more offense this year as well and let's just pretend we don't remember Alex Semin in also on this team.

Nathan Gerbe is the one on the right...

Defense

Jean-Michael Liles and Ron Hainsey are the stalwart veterans. Justin Faulk is a future All-Star. But that's about it. Anybody recall anyone else on the blue line?

Goalies

Cam Ward is still living off his Stanley Cup win in 2006 and Carolina has never made a threatening move towards suggesting he will not be the continuing #1 goaltender. That's a problem.


My #1 Priority - Actual Hurricanes if I were to move there.
My #2 Priority - Deciding whether to trade or sign Eric Staal before the Trade Deadline
My #3 Priority - Getting a strong defensive corps and finding a goalie to challenge Ward for #!

The Other Off-Season Game Plan - The Toronto Maple Leafs Edition

Here I am only 5 teams into this and I'm feeling the heat. And by heat I mean futility. This is hard work, dissecting these losing teams and coming up with some advice that will never be used by the team in question. I sometimes wonder how Scott Cullen at TSN is able to do this, especially when he tries to factor in statistics like 'points allowed when Patrick Kane is on the Ice' aka PAPKI. Then I remember he's getting paid to write and has many hours to sit at his desk and surf all the relevant websites to find evidence to back up his decisions. I also realize that the further up the points chain I go, the dissection will be easier. Chicago should be nothing more than a simple three word entry; 'All Good here'.  But then I have to find the pictures which is really half the fun but also where the real work happens.

On the other hand I have a job that allows me to write when all is quiet because technically I'm not allowed to sleep on shift.

So speaking of going to sleep, let's talk about TSN's favourite team to hate; The Toronto Maple Leafs!

The Other Off Season Game Plan - The Arizona Coyotes Edition

Big disclaimer - I know very little about hockey as compared to Scott Cullen, residential fanatic analytic expert (read; stats geek) over at TSN. But I do have some time, access to the Internet and like to write about things of little interest to most people but not about stats. So here is my off season game plan for the Arizona Coyotes, part 3 of 30.

'Hey Arizona, I'm in the Offensive zona!'

The Arizona Coyotes formerly Phoenix formerly The Original Winnipeg Jets

Arizona is known for two things and hockey isn't one of them. The Coyotes probably lead the league in Away games as it seems most of the people who attend games are there on vacation so they can have an affordable chance to see their favourite team play. It is cheaper to buy plane fare, a hotel room and Coyote tickets than it would be to see the Canucks, Maple Leafs or Canadiens play in their respective home buildings. Plus going to an NHL game allows visiting Arizona-ites to escape the Arizona heat and just the fact they live in Arizona.

Even the real coyotes seek to escape the heat

That said, even with their ambivalent fan base, Arizona had a strange year. It was like they heard about the David McConnor thing late and decided to get in on the bit of action at around Christmas time and summarily tanked hard. This was a bit hard to take for Yotes fans as they did pretty well in previous year's playoffs. They had an all-star goalie in Mike Smith, capable back-up in Devan Dubynk ad a stellar one-two punch in offensive defencemen with Keith Yandle and Oliver Ekmans-Larson. Then there was hockey rock star (by Arizona standards) Paul Bisonnette aka BizNastie. But BizNastie retired (I think) before the season started, they traded away Keith Yandle at the deadline and Mike Smith became average. They were close to winning the McDavid sweepstakes, only missing dead last by 2 points and if nothing else, a chance to get the other golden boy, Jake Eichel. But who are they going to pick for third? Probably some nobody...

But mostly they suffered from having to play in Arizo- um, the Western Conference. I mean... come on - look at that side. There was the surprising Flames success, the return to winning form of the Canucks, Chicago, St. Louis, Nashville, Anaheim, and The Minnesota Dubynk. Well, they all have to beat someone and that usually was Arizona.

Authentic current Coyote player

Head Coach

Currently Dave Tippett

Dave shouldn't be going anywhere and nobody expects him to (much like the Coyotes next year in the standings). He's had to watch Keith Yandle and Antoine Vermette be traded away at the deadline by the current Coyote owners (I have long lost interest in who won the lottery to own the Coyotes aka NHL code-name 'Anyone but Jim Balsillie' and is making do with a team that isn't exactly under-performing.

Plus, he has this crazy-looking dog he keeps in his office..

He's a good coach with a mediocre team that will continue to primarily fill the NHL void of having a stop-over for teams going to play in Dallas or California. He would do well to remember that the Jet/Coyote franchise is historically a yo-yo of yearly points production and after this year's poor performance should improve next year as nobody is expecting them to. They could be like the 2014 Colorado Avalanche, only without the talent.

Forwards

Someone's trying the famous Arizona peyote, I think.

The Coyotes have a group of forwards that no opponent fears and that is a problem. When their biggest concern is wondering if Sam Gagner will ever pull another 8 point night or if Shane Doan might begin telling stories that start with "I remember when..." then things are looking pretty good when a visiting team heads Arizona way. Most casual fans will be hard-pressed to name three forwards on their team but will believe that they have a pretty decent team if Arizona is in Europe (which it is not).

One of the 'Yotes seasoned veterans encouraging one of
the younger defencemen on the bench.

Defencemen

After releasing Yandle to go try out the Big City lights of the New York Rangers, its up to Oliver E-L to shoulder most of the defensive and offensive responsibility. Mike Stone is capable but the problem really lies in that they have no truly NHL ready defencemen to help OE-L. If only someone like Johnny Oduya was available to relieve that pressure.






Goalies

Will the REAL Mike Smith please stand up,
please stand up,
please stand up.

Mike Smith is still the undisputed #1 goalie and don't expect that to change anytime soon. See;Devan Dubnyk.  He should be sending Mike a Thank You and Merry Christmas card every year from now on. It would be a good idea for Arizona to acquire a quality 2nd string or even 3rd string goaltender to let Mike get some rest next year as it looks to be a busy time in the defensive end of the 'Yotes.


 Overall 

My #1 Priority - Getting Out of Arizona
My #2 Priority - Getting 6 ready-to-play defencemen
My #3 Priority - A back up goaltender who is funny on Twitter

Really, just about any goalie will do.