Sunday 15 April 2018

Random Bitching


I don't get the whole 'which one would you give up' or 'would you live in a cabin for a 1 million without Internet' posts.
Adults (I assume) are posting these - and friends are answering. I don't get it.

I assume it is some weird psych experiment - I read once they are lead generators so if you post on one it fills you with more of the same... but to what point? Do those posts evolve into 'would you live in a cabin or buy Hershey's Peanut Butter Cups?'.

Math questions... they never give you the right answer so you have to actually scroll through the comments and figure out which one seems to be the most popular. Sometimes, someone explains it but wow... i don't really care how much a burger is equivalent to.

Post a picture of your dog.  Why? Does anyone really scroll through the 13K pictures of dogs already posted on there? Why not just post the picture of your dog on your own timeline instead of putting it on some chain letter thing?

It's gotta be a psych experiment. Right?

Here's the last picture of my dogs...

This is actually a rock. But my boy thought it was Penny...
so I took a picture to remind him he needs to get his eyes checked. 

This is the last picture of my dogs.
They're happy. 
 

Friday 13 April 2018

Still avoiding avoiding

I'd almost laugh at how ridiculous I'm being if I didn't think it was so some profound psychological block I'm going through.

I did a query letter about 4 days ago, asked my wife to proof it. Wife... still sounds weird to say that. Anyways, she looked at it today.

In the meantime, I've delved into sorting my children's lego, planting some potatoes, marathoned a bit of Ash vs. Evil Dead... basically a lot of things, everything other than submit the fricking thing or talk a bit more of Post Pestilence.

So, here I am... I have 15 minutes to send it off before I go get my daughter. Part of me is justifying not doing it because it's Friday and what's the point right before the weekend... I mean, can't hurt to let it go for a few more days.  What's the worst that can happen?

I wait 2 more days then I wait 2 more days and I wait 2 more days...

What is it going to be, Jay?



SUBMISSION UPLOADED.

Pls Wait 6 months for confirmation.

Monday 9 April 2018

Still avoiding...


Once again, I've reached the summit of how far I'm willing to address the cancer/Pestilence thing.
I can say it is a lot of things, time, Spring, etc but really it's just me avoiding these demons.

I talked w/ my mom about that summer - 2003 as it turns out, making it almost 15 years this July. She stayed with me after the operation until I flew home with her. I, however, insisted I take her to a tea cafe in Halifax before we left. I have no memory of this. She also gave me a Radiohead fan magazine to read and Douglas Adam's Salmon of Doubt while I was in the hospital. Intensive care as one of my lungs partially collapsed during surgery. I recall the man beside me was often delirious. He had septic shock I could see his colostomy bag hanging off his bed.

Mom and Dad stayed with my landlord, who keep in mind, inherited a cancer boarder only 2 short months ago. I wish I could remember his name as well. He was very kind to take in my family and my problems on such short notice.

Dad left on a Sunday. Mom says he didn't believe I had cancer and so kept a letter from my Dr. identifying it as such... something -carcinoma. I plan on talking with him about his version of that time.

I then came home and recuperated in my Mom's basement. I don't recall much of this; listening to Bif Naked on the computer, avoiding everything as best as possible. I lost a lot of weight - I recall being about 185.

Somewhere during this time I learned my ex-partner's sister had brain cancer. I don't know if this is intertwined but there was another family friend who also had very aggressive cancer - he was down in Vancouver's cancer ward. These are only slivers of memories but I recall thinking how awful this all was. I partially hoped my cancer might somehow bring us back together only her sister had it too and all thoughts of the movie were set aside for both of us, I'm sure.

I went down to Vancouver in my step-brother's car. I recall this as I was pulled over on S. Marine for something and I had to explain why it was my license but my brother's registration. I don't think he was allowed to drive at the time. The cop was a bit confused but it was the truth and so I was let go, perhaps with a warning. I don't recall.

I had this plan to go visit both J and B in the cancer ward. I had this idea I would give J two flight passes so her sister could fly down and visit her sometime. And who do I see waiting for a bus stop on Oak? L. Crazy coincidence, right? So i loop around, park the car and go meet her.

She's not happy to see me. I don't recall most of this incident, other than she's making a scene and the other bus patrons are grateful for this bit of drama. I give her the flight passes and walk away.

I go to visit her sister, she's doing well. I recall asking something about L and another guy - figuring I might as well get it out of the way. L finds out I visited and yells at me some more. Don't know if it was by phone or letter as to this day I don't think she has a computer, having google-creeped for any evidence of her existence a few times over the years. For this journal I actually tried again but still nothing.

But I get ahead of myself. So, I go to visit J and I visit B - he's far worse off, bald, plump, hooked up to so many bags he looks like a technological Buddha.

I believe it turned out my Mom and her husband were there the day before? He had tracked dog shit in on his shoe into the ICU which made it so memorable.

I must have driven back to PG. I also had to go back to Halifax. I think I was given four weeks off for medical leave. I should have asked for longer as I was definitely not ready to return to work. I was there very briefly, gave my notice and flew home after a quick coffee date with the nurse who took a shine to me while I was in the Halifax ICU.

to be cont'd.