The Vancouver Canucks Off-Season Analysis

Shhh...everything is so quiet nowadays on the hockey front that it feels like a Florida Panther pre-season game.

Zing! Not even 12 hours old, a topical reference!

It almost seems a shame to rock me out of my summer siesta and start thinking about my hockey pools again. It almost shames me to think that while I was doing normal every day summer things (like becoming a new dad again) some young kids (and a lot of old ones) were busting their asses at the gym (aka dryland training) keeping in shape for the training camp microscope that has begun in a somewhat small chance of living their dream of playing in the NHL. I had that dream too, kids and look at me now!

So let's take start my season of Dad-related hockey thoughts and look at what the Canucks/Mike Gillis has done during the off-season, starting with Draft Day's biggest surprise;

Seth Green's new rush mock-up of Cory Schneider
figurine for a Robot Chicken sketch

Cory Schneider is dealt, Luongo wins/loses.

Cory Schneider is traded to New Jersey; so the year-long plague that was the goaltending controversy is over in Vancouver. Unless for some reason Luongo goes public a la Patrick Roy and demands out. I don't see that happening.
I think Gillis did well on this one; Luongo always was the Canucks #1 starter and will continue to be. Schneider was great in a back up role, average in the playoffs and he was playing with a stellar team in front of him. He will not be the next coming of Marty Brodeur in New Jersey, but he will be capable.

Team owner Francis Aquavelva-something went down to Florida to meet with Luongo personally, followed by Mike Gillis. He then came back and filed for divorce in which he wants his financial assets sealed as 'protection for his children'.

Retro Post; The Greatest Canuck Stanley Cup Run

Ahhh, Vancouver.  If Montreal is to the NHL what the Yankees are to MLB, then Vancouver Canucks are the NFL's Buffalo Bills.  They've been to the Big Show three times, only to each time come away empty.  Unless you happen to be in downtown Vancouver after the final game, then you are probably coming away with quite a few things unpaid for.

While 1983 was perhaps an anomaly in that nobody truly expected the Canucks to defeat the 2x defending champion New York Islanders (yes, you read that right), 1994 was the year when believers were made.  A strong core of forwards led by Pavel Bure, Trevor Linden, and Gino Odjick. Jyrki Lumme, Dave Babych and Dana Murzyn on defence and the last of the great stand up goaltenders in Kirk McLean, before everybody started adopting the Patrick Roy butterfly followed by hip surgery in your 30's style.  The Canucks provided an amazing playoff run full of drama, emotion and continuous highlight reel moments, courtesy of Pavel Bure. While the 2011 Canucks had the diving, the biting, the LUongoing nothing can beat 1994's team for sheer Hollywood drama.

First the dramatics of the come from behind 1st round seven game defeat of the Calgary Flames after being behind 3 games to 1 in the series, featuring Kirk McLean in 'The Save'

which led to the perhaps the biggest moment in Canuck playoff history up to that time, Pavel Bure and 'The Goal';

"What's God?"

Hi baby,

Well, that's a great question.  Really, it is.  It's nice to see you are already taking an interest in such a complicated subject as meta-spiritual deities at only three years old.  Remind me to talk to your Grandpa about age-appropriate discussions.  But let's talks about this after we brush your teeth and after you go put some pajamas on.  I know you don't want to, but we have to keep our pajamas on. Then if we have enough time we can watch some Sports Desk before bedtime.
What? Oh, right. What's God. You sure you just don't want to watch Sports Desk?  You are only three so I don't know if this is really the time to get into this. You sure? Well...ok, I'll try.

The Pope Loved a Good Backhand

God is like bedtime. Everybody has one, right?  But not everybody has the same bedtime, just like not everybody has the same god. It's just not everybody has the same bedtime. Oh. I said that already? It's a complicated subject. Well, God is like bedtime. We all need bedtimes, but we don't all have the same bedtime. It's good to have bedtimes because we know where we should be at certain times, which is sort of like the same thing with God.  God helps you know where we should be on certain issues, like death and instant replays. Bedtime isn't something you can put in your pocket or draw or anything which is just like God, because nobody has really seen God because God is more of a concept, like delayed offsides, icing or a winning Toronto Maple Leaf team. Yeah, it's a concept.  A concept means that it's insubstantial but helps explain things that you can't physically see, like math and Pierre MacGuire.

you had to go there, didn't you, God?

Okay, well you can't see God just like you can't see bedtime but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.  But bedtime, well, that's real, like a good punch in the face. God, well, let's say needs to punch someone in the face. In fact, even when you pray to God to punch someone in the face, just once, it doesn't happen. Instead, you are the one getting punched. And not in the face, in the friggin' ball sack.


Where was I?  Oh yeah, everybody has a bedtime, just like you. Even hockey players.  

God 1- Atheists 0

Is there a God? Well, some people believe there is, which is why their team wins the Stanley Cup and Vancouver Canuck fans riot. No, no honey, I haven't believed in God since 1982. Stan Smyl deserved a Stanley Cup. But sometimes, sometimes i want to believe. Like when Bure delivered that elbow in 94.  For a moment, i believed there was a God and He was a Canuck fan. What's a Canuck fan? Oh, they are like your early bedtimes. You hear about them all the time, but in reality, you don't see them very much. Only when things are going good and Daddy thinks he might score.


No, Daddy hasn't scored in awhile. Yes, it might have something to do with my bedtime. You see, Sportsdesk comes on pretty late sometimes and that's after Mommy's bedtime.  Does Mommy believe in God? You know what, that is something you can ask her tomorrow.  Time for bed, sweetie.  Love you.  

Memories from a Saturday Night Hockey Night

Wow, it's been awhile since i've watched some hockey on Saturday night.  I caught 1/2 of the Montreal-Pittsburgh game when it was already 4-2, which in today's NHL is considered a high-scoring game. I figured that was it for scoring but apparently nobody told the goalies that. Montreal scored 2 before the period was out, making it 4-4 by the end of the 2nd period. Hey, a game that involves scoring!

Then Montreal scores to take the lead at the start of the 3rd period and the Montreal drunken faithful start singing that Ole, ole, ole chant with about 15 minutes left in the game which is a) pretty cocky and b) pretty stupid. Sure, maybe if that made it a 3 goal lead but the way these goalies were playing it was pretty premature. Plus, it's Montreal; no game is a sure win for them since 1977.

Sure enough Pittsburgh scores then there are some more goals and then I see...him; WTF! - Thomas Kaberle is playing for Montreal? He's been on more teams in the last three years than Michel Petit. Yeah, I WENT THERE. I thought Kabs retired after he won a Stanley Cup with Boston carrying Zdeno Chara's hockey sticks into the dressing room. Yet, seeing him reminded me of a hockey souvenir shop i went to in Parry Sound, birthplace of Bobby Orr and coincidentally also home of the Bobby Orr Hall of Fame and Museum.

So I'm walking around the small town center and duck into this little curio shop full of sorts of stuff and there, hanging from a rafter are three hockey pictures. There is a framed picture of Bobby, at a cost of $75.  There is also a picture of Mario Lemieux for the same price. Which is fine, both hall-of-famers, both retired. But then, right between these 2 superstars of the game is a picture of Thomas Kaberle as a Toronto Maple Leaf.  For some reason, this picture was, you guessed it: $75.

$75 with frame? Sold!

$75 with frame? Sold!

                                                                                                         

$75 with a free trip to Disneyland? ...uh..
I'll get back to you.

To give you an idea how preposterous this was, here are the three individual stats for these guys:

Canuck low-lights part 4 of an ongoing series in non-chronological order

Back to hockey;


(Full disclosure; i found this little bit in the drafts section of my blog written obviously before my Canadian hockey soul was once again crushed by the NHL.  Trying to keep the home fires burning, so to speak, i've finally edited it in a lackluster way and well, here you go) .

Over the years, I've heard plenty of reasons why the Canucks should win the Cup. 

All right, I lie.  I don't really hear any reasons why, other than people think that for some reason, Vancouver deserves a Stanley Cup because it's goddamn Vancouver.  Nothing could be worse for a city who's residents already have dangerous self-involved hockey ego issues to comparable to Montrealish embarrassing heights.  However the question really is; does the Canuck organization (in any incarnation) deserve their name on Stanley? 

Despite their recent back to back President's trophies, the answer is a quick No.  From their treatment of past players to present day fans, the faceless entity deserves little respect from that chalice that demands perfection, persistence and patience.  Insert P joke here...

I'm resigned, like i think most hockey fans are that there will be no hockey before at least christmas.  The NHL owners have put their foot down and said 'hey, we could be making more money if we weren't handing out insane amounts of money for marquee players' while the players are saying "Shea Weber? Who did he play for? What's my agent's number in Bermuda?"

So in an effort to remain interested in what's going to happen in my fantasy hockey pool, i've been reading 'I'm not making this up' by Al Strachan, which is great candid reading for behind-the-scenes hockey fans who like to hear more of what a player is like other than their stats and pending free agent status.

But back to the original question; does Vancouver deserve a Stanley Cup?

Exhibit A;

The story of Pavel Bure

One of the top three Russians to enter the NHL when the barriers were finally dropped, Bure was the superstar that Canuck fans always dreamed of and marketing executives drooled over.  Like Alex Mogilny and Sergei Federov before him, he was young, entertaining, and man, could he play.  I remember highlights of his first game against Winnipeg.  He was fast. Like really fast. If i need to tell you his nickname, you shouldn't be here.  But spoiler alert; he was traded to Florida with Bret Hedican, Brad Ference, and Vancouver's third-round choice in the 2000 NHL Entry Draft (Robert Fried) for Ed Jovanovski, Dave Gagner, Mike Brown, Kevin Weekes.  Why would Vancouver's first true superstar demand to be traded?  Probably since the way he was treated since the first day of his arrival.


The story goes that during the mess of trying to get Bure cleared from his duties to play for the Russian team, he traveled to LA to his agent's house, where he was expecting to meet up with Canuck representatives to help him with his transition to Canada.  Nobody contacted him for 10 days.  Finally he was contacted by Brian Burke who told him to sit tight, which meant another 2 weeks while the Canucks worked on the legalities of the deal. 
So you have this young kid, leaving his mother country to come play for you and you don't even have the respect to meet him as he comes off the plane in another country?  Then you don't even contact him for a week?
Now the fun really begins;
The Canucks were informed they had to pay $250,000 for Bure's rights to play for them.  They paid $200,000 and told Bure that he had to pay the other $50,000.  So, already they are off to a great start with someone who was to become their most prolific goal scorer in history.  He also asked to where number 96 to commeroate his arrival on Sept 6 to North America but apparently Pat 'Old School' Quinn had a problem with high jersey numbers (we will talk about Wayne Gretzky later).



i wonder how this ends up...

I have utmost respect for Pavel Bure, as does Shane Churla (now).  When talk of Bure wanting a trade began to hit the Vancouver papers, he was painted as being selfish and immature.  The Canucks failed to reward him for being the Calder Trophy winner (despite missing 17 games) by saying they would renegotiate his contract after the next season (which he went on to score 60 goals).  They basically told him that they were going to wait to see if that wasn't a 'fluke' season and postponed signing him because they weren't sure he was worth the money. Weren't sure he was worth the money...

Now anyone who can see the humor in that last sentence is more qualified to run the Canucks pocket books than the team managers at the time who were...let's see...Pat Quinn and Brian Burke. 

Wow. Small world.

So, he was finally able to leave the clutches of the Vancouver system to the sunnier confines of Florida and then New York where he retired, years too early from a multitude of knee operations that started from returning too soon from his first knee operation in Vancouver.  He is now a top official in the Russian Hockey League, a member of the Hockey Hall of Fame and one of the reasons why Vancouver is jinxed.

The Vancouver Canucks European All-Star Team

All-Star lists are awesome.  They are so debatable, just justify your picks with a few choice facts, ignore the rest and let the insults start pouring in.  Especially if it's about someone else's favorite team.  The greatest thing about creating your own list is that it gives you the opportunity to say 'yeah? Well, where's your list smart-guy?' and then lean back in smug satisfaction for if nothing else, you had the ability and drive to actually write a list out that wasn't on a beer coaster.

For those who know Canuck fans, they probably will agree that most haven't even read this far; they just jumped to the selections and are preparing their own observations for the comments section which is fine, that's what it is there for.  For those of you who have read this far, congratulations - you will now find out why the Sedins aren't on the team; for the simple fact is that they are still playing.  So #1 rule of the list - all Canucks selected must be retired as of this writing.  Yes, the Sedins will be on a lot of greatest Canucks list in the future but let's not get ahead of ourselves, yes?

So, in no particular order here are my picks for the Vancouver Canuck All-Star European Team;

      Left Wing Markus Naslund 

Todd...todd...todd

 Markus, better known as 'the best 1 for 1 Canuck Trade in History', is the leading Canuck scorer as of right now.  A native of most likely Sweden, he is also probably a relative of the infamous yet really tiny Mats Naslund but maybe not; a lot of people are named Naslund in Sweden.  He also played with the Canucks for 12 years, which I did not know. This was because of Mark Messier. And I was high a lot.