The Vancouver Canucks Off-Season Analysis

Shhh...everything is so quiet nowadays on the hockey front that it feels like a Florida Panther pre-season game.

Zing! Not even 12 hours old, a topical reference!

It almost seems a shame to rock me out of my summer siesta and start thinking about my hockey pools again. It almost shames me to think that while I was doing normal every day summer things (like becoming a new dad again) some young kids (and a lot of old ones) were busting their asses at the gym (aka dryland training) keeping in shape for the training camp microscope that has begun in a somewhat small chance of living their dream of playing in the NHL. I had that dream too, kids and look at me now!

So let's take start my season of Dad-related hockey thoughts and look at what the Canucks/Mike Gillis has done during the off-season, starting with Draft Day's biggest surprise;

Seth Green's new rush mock-up of Cory Schneider
figurine for a Robot Chicken sketch

Cory Schneider is dealt, Luongo wins/loses.

Cory Schneider is traded to New Jersey; so the year-long plague that was the goaltending controversy is over in Vancouver. Unless for some reason Luongo goes public a la Patrick Roy and demands out. I don't see that happening.
I think Gillis did well on this one; Luongo always was the Canucks #1 starter and will continue to be. Schneider was great in a back up role, average in the playoffs and he was playing with a stellar team in front of him. He will not be the next coming of Marty Brodeur in New Jersey, but he will be capable.

Team owner Francis Aquavelva-something went down to Florida to meet with Luongo personally, followed by Mike Gillis. He then came back and filed for divorce in which he wants his financial assets sealed as 'protection for his children'.

The Winners and Losers of Draft Weekend in the NHL

Let's get the obvious out of the way; if you live in Canada and stayed home to comment or provide in-depth coverage of the NHL draft via twitter on the Canada Day long weekend instead of going camping or dredging out your basement if you live in Calgary you have bigger issues that need to be addressed.

Things are happening outside right now.

The only thing sadder than watching CTV News anchor report on whatever is going on with Justin Bieber would be a grown man who actually takes an active interest in the future employment opportunities of teenagers that have been groomed since birth to get paid way too much money to either shoot a puck or stop it. I defy any NHL prospect to actually admit that they dream of going right to one of the bottom feeders of the NHL, which is what makes the whole circus so funny. The top 50 players in the junior leagues are all but guaranteed huge contracts just by being picked by any of the 30 teams - and their signing bonus will most likely equal a year of your salary - but hey, that's hockey life - it doesn't mean we have to support it.

But, that being said...

Rangers/Canucks switch coaching personalities. Predictable results will follow.

Recently John Tortorella was announced as the Vancouver Canucks 17th head coach, replacing their winning-est coach ever and causing the collective 'brain trust' of Vancouver hockey reporters to smash their heads against their laptops and mutter 'fuckyfuckyfuckyfuck'.

John Tortorella in a classic pose, telling NY reporters to back
their shit up and ask to yell their questions at him.

This may all sound familiar because it is. Remember when the Vancouver Canuck organization went and hired the ex-head coach of the New York Rangers, a move that turned out wildly successful and popular for the first 2 hours after it was announced?

Mark? Mark? Mark?  Can anyone hear me over that goal horn?

In fact, even their personal mottoes are oddly familiar....

"I am not a good loser. I think if you are a good loser you are a loser." - John Tortorella.

"I am not a good loser. I think if you are a good loser you are Trevor Linden and should get the fuck out of my dressing room. Right Mark?" - Mike Keenan