Top 'Red' Movies that I know of

You know how when you repeat a word so many times in a row it fails to make sense? That's what I'm feeling now after doing a little research on movies with the word 'Red' in the title. And all because my wife confused the classic American Russian Paranoia movie Red Dawn with the classic American Russian Paranoia movie Red October.

Perhaps if Republicans were a bit more forward-thinking (they'd be Democrats- buh duh dum) they would not have chosen a color that represents their core values and the Communist threat since WW2. So deeply ingrained is the idea of Red = Enemy State they even once made a movie called Enemy State, which if I remember right was actually the American government chasing Will Smith in a case of high-stakes paint ball for his cell phone or something. I digress.

So despite my recent hate-on for making list type articles, I've decided to give it another shot, maybe because everyone who likes lists is proof-reading their own 'Valentine's' themed List. Instead, I'm remembering some classic and not-so-classic movies that had Red in the title. Here's my order of preference.

I also learned I could piss in the radiator if
my truck was overheating

1) Red Dawn (1984) - If you are going to only ever see one movie with the word Red in the title (good luck on that) it would be this classic from the pinnacle of the Cold War, the year 1984. It was a crazy, wonderful time; Ronald Reagan was destroying the very foundations America professed to espouse. Apple Computers changed the images of George Orwell's shocking dystopian book 1984 into an iconic commercial for selling computers pre-Internet. There was a growing crop of young Hollywood talent that was able to share screen time with each other for a brief time before setting out on their own to achieve top (and sometimes only) billing. But before all that ego-politics, there was Red Dawn. The ultimate camping male-bonding movie and the reason I shout Wolverines when I go camping.

I never seen the Red Dawn remake, just as I will never see the Footloose remake. I don't even want to demean this coming of age militia tale with mention of the reboot; it's like claiming ISIS is the new NAZI party.I prefer not to have my teenage memories raped, thank you very much. North Korea will never be a suitable adversary that could logistically invade America.

WOLVERINES!  

He's angry, armed and coming to America!

2) Red October (1990)  The second best political thriller of the late 20th century (I'll let you guess the 1st), this made a whole lot of Americans think Russian submarine captains were debonair, handsome men that spoke in Scottish accents, not weaselly little munchkins that ate sea plankton and gargled with vodka. Red October made submarines and Sean Connery cool again for varying degrees of time. For instance, the submarine genre was nearly killed by the movie adaption of McHale's Navy while Sean Connery has been a long-time contestant on Celebrity Jeopardy videos on Youtube.

Fun fact; it also introduced Tom Clancy's serial novel/movie ongoing action government agent Jack Ryan in the form of Alec Baldwin who took a career miss when he decided not to reprise the role for the next Tom Clancy movie, Patriot Games. Of course, Jack Ryan then became another iconic character property of Han Sol - Indiana Jo - I mean, Harrison Ford.

The eighties was a wonderful time in graphic design

3) Red Dragon aka Manhunter (1986) Much like Red Dawn, I'm going to stick with the originals. From Thom Harris's novel (the H is silent so Tom 'Arris) Red Dragon was the prequel to Silence of the Lambs, which made a minor character an iconic symbol of cultured sociopaths with Anthony Hopkins playing face and scene-stealing Hannibal Lecter. Conveniently, all mention of the pre-Hopkins Lecter was ignored until someone started looking into film rights for 'Arris's previous book, Red Dragon which was generically renamed Manhunter back in 1986.

It was a foreshadowing of sorts for the 'someone's a psycho killing people in strange and unique ways so I need help finding out who it is from another psycho' thriller/detective genre that was to come after the success of Silence of the Lambs. Coincidentally, the star of Manhunter, William Petersen, playing the male Clarice Starling became better known for being the franchise actor of the CSI franchise, Brian Cox, another veteran performer best known for his role in SuperTroopers played Dr. Lecter. And the rest is history, chianti and fava beans.

'Special Edition' because the cigarette
wasn't photoshopped out yet.

4) Red Heat (1988) Back in a time when Arnold Schwarzenegger was just about to become The #1 Box office draw in the world and the word 'Belushi' was still synonymous with John, the film roles he could choose were highly selective; action movies with little dialogue to hide his atrocious accent or back stories to explain why he didn't talk 'American' (see also: Jean Claude Van Damme). He must have known his quest to become the ultimate GI Joe was tough if he sounded like 3rd generation Nazi. So he was put into roles such as Commando, Terminator and REd Sonja (hey!) that required little dialogue. In Red Heat he played a tough yet sympathetic Russian cop trying to track down the killer of his partner who has fled to America. Surprisingly not as propagandist as Red Dawn or October, it was more of a rip on the success of other 80's Odd Couple Cop movies such as 48 Hours and Beverly Hills Cop. Schwarzenegger was paired with a truer version of the American Male; Jim Belushi, who was sort of like the original Tom Arnold. Thankfully for the World, he chose to go against type-cast and his follow-up 'Twins' catapulted him into an unfortunately newly created Hollywood genre; Big Strong Guys Who Also Do Comedies. Can you remember this laugher about Male Pregnancy?

A pretty decent movie poster IMO

5) Red 1 2010 and Red 2 (2013) and 3 (coming soon). Not to be confused with the dozen other movies simply named Red on IMDB. The one I am plugging is this, another government-is-evil type movie series franchise, with a who's who of aging Hollywood stars. Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Helen Mirren, John Malkovitch. It was like a lower case Expendables, and good on it's own terms of showing senior citizens shooting shit up. In it, Bruce Willis tries to avoid being killed and replaced by the new generation of Hollywood up-and-comers and so goes out and reunites the band. Lots of bullets shot, lots of misses. Lots of explosions and Bruce looking confused.

it starred everyone except for everyone
he cut from the film, which was a lot.

6) The Thin Red Line (1998) - Anyone who is interested in who is behind the camera instead of in front of it knows who Terrence Malick is. I know him only by reputation and his reputation is this; he's a true cinema artist not afraid to hurt actor's feelings for the art of the film. If you are going to watch a Terrence Malick film there will be layers upon layers of subtext my puny little mind won't be able to understand. So, I've never watched this. But it's again, another army movie and won a lot of awards, including Best Picture and Director in 1999 so it could be a good film to see when I'm sick and running a fever.

The pinnacle of the Van Art explosion that
swept the nation in the 70's

7) Red Sonja (1985) Red Sonja was basically a female Conan The Barbarian for Men who didn't want to appear to be too gay they were watching Conan so much. While it might sound and look like perhaps it was a female empowerment type of movie, I'm betting it wasn't. She's half the size of Arnold's bicep. From IMDB ; A vengeful woman sets out to retrieve a magic orb from an evil queen whom she vows vengeance upon after the evil queen slain her family and her loyal warriors raped her.

Not to nit-pick but if it was Conan, they could have just stopped at 'slain her family'. But to add in she was raped just .... it's just sad that somehow they needed to add that as extra motivation for the character. 'Not only did you kill my momma and poppa - your soldiers entered my vagina when I was at a very emotional state. Therefore I have decided to kill you all, with Conan's help of course. Because I am a girl after all.'  

Nice boob.

8) Red Eye (2005) - This was a story about a killer on a plane during an overnight flight (hence the title) somewhere I assume over America. It starred It-at-The-Moment girl (note-find out name) and the new, menacing bad boy (note - also find out name) involved in keeping our attention on the fact it was set in a plane. I never saw it because I had just quit working at an airline which shall remain anonymous.

someone found the red filter in photoshop...

9) Red Planet (2000) Let's hit the sci-fi train, color Red. Mars has long been known as the red planet, what with it's orange appearance when it gets within a few bazillion miles of Earth. This classic tale of woe puts Val Kilmer and a pre-incarcerated but possibly still a secret drug addict Tom Sizemore on a rocket to their impending career implosions where among other things, some people die. There is much drama and use of red filters and spacesuits.

I like how despite the cover of what looks
 to be soldiers being burned alive, it's rated PG

10) Red Scorpion (1988) In the eighties, Red meant ACTION STARS! And sticking with another true blue American foreigner that was being type-cast, there was the more budget conscious Dolph Lundgren. Best known as Ivan Drago (not to be confused with Arnold's Ivan Danko from Red Heat) from Rocky 3 or 4 reprises his possibly Russian accent to help change America's perception of Russians as being bloodthirsty trash-eating anti-capitalist tractor makers into something more; actual people with feelings and a bad political system.

From IMDB; A Russian KGB agent is sent to Africa to kill an anti-Communist black revolutionary. However, he has a change of heart when he sees how the Russians and their Cuban allies are killing and repressing the locals, so he switches sides and helps the rebels.

This is movie you stop halfway through
and never finish watching.

11) Bonus- Where The Red Fern Grows (1974) - Don't. Just don't. It's like Old Yeller, only not as upbeat. There is very little to do with botany in this movie. The cover is as good as it gets.


Also not considered or researched;
Reds
Red Army
Red Riding Hood(s) 
Red Road
Red State
Red Corner
Red Tent
Red Tails
Red Lights
Red Cliff
Red Dog
Woman in Red