In Honor of the Return of Arrested Development; 50 great jokes...

There are two groups of people in this world; those that have seen Arrested Development and those that have yet to see it which the first group would like to bunch in the face for being so behind the times.  To say the return of Arrested Development's dysfunctional Bluth family is anxiously anticipated by it's followers is like saying World War 2 was just a little misunderstanding over cheese. Unless you lived under a bus for the last 5+ years,  you should have heard of how intelligent and amazing this American sit-com was even if you didn't want to.

From it's not-so-subtle references to itself, to it's now common documentary-style filming and the  outstanding comedic ensemble from unseen narrator Ron Howard down to guest stars such as Charlize Theron and Scott Baio as Bluth love interests and Carl Weathers and Judge Reinhold as themselves, Arrested Development was put in the same league as the original Star Trek after it's cancellation; too smart for it's time and cancelled because of it. Most of it's current fan base have come from word of mouth after the release of it's 3 scaled down seasons on dvd and it's return on Netflix.

It is considered a victory by many on the internet that the Bluths have finally returned after a prolonged fight to get the cast all on the same timetable, a problem that resolved itself after Michael Cera, who was one of the more active actors immediately after the cancellation of the series, finally found his calendar free of upcoming film commitments thanks to his plummeting stock at the box office (despite some quality cult flicks in Scott Pilgrim and Year One) and the rising stock of the 'other Michael Cera', Jesse Eisenberg.

While Cera's shooting star film career had at times been blamed for the delay of AD to be truthful nearly all the main leads, including creator Mitch Hurwitz, have been pretty busy with other work in the intervening years. Thanks to Netflix, a one season exclusive distribution deal and feature film slated to hit direct viewing later this month will either finally shut a lot of people up or just increase the cult of Bluth, following the lead of other non-commerical break shows like Game of Thrones, House of Cards and Boardwalk Empire. The future is looking good for non-commercial interrupted television viewing.

It's impossible to formulate a 50 best Arrested Development jokes because all we would be doing is skimming the top of a veritable mountain of comedy. All this list should do for those awaiting AD's return is remind them of other jokes upon the other jokes, a hallmark of the show, an unending rabbit hole of amusement. Most of the one-liners are missed on first viewing because they are just a continuation of another joke that may have started episodes ago. Much of the comedy in AD comes from in-jokes, continual story-lines, comments on (then) current events, visual cues and cut-away inserts. The ability to stop and zoom in on those inserts are an Egg hunters dream. If you are able, I highly recommend it. For example; the sign in Wee Britain about Mary Poppuns (note spelling) states; “Caution: Please stay off my landing port... I’m not the tourist killing sort... But if you have a working girl to kill, please let her stay while I do my will.”

Impossible to read during normal viewing but just a quick example of the care taken in the commitment of the show to entertain.

Here are 50 pleasant memories to get us prepared for the return of Arrested Development and the subjects they address.

50 Yearbook pictures

In particular Steve Holt!'s yearbook pictures.  This is an example of just one of the many Easter Eggs awaiting closer viewing. Although the pictures go too fast to actually read the captions, if you pause and scroll, you will see that each one is a set up to the next,

They read, in order: (1) “Nickname: Steve Holt!, Activities: Football, I’m out of here!” (2) “Nickname: Steve Holt! Activities: Drama, Quote: ‘See ya, suckers!’ (3) Nickname: Steve Holt! Activities: Food Services, Quote: ‘Study hard, guys — trust me.’

His mother's name was 'Eve Holt' (naturally) and as Gob just mentioned that he banged her, thereby opening up the possibility Steve Holt(!) is his son, her caption reads "What have I done?" which was also one of Gob's catchphrases.

Fan Reactions to various Recent events via Goat.

How I will feel if Detroit beats Chicago;




How that logical Vancouver hockey fan feels about Alain Vigneault's firing;





How most every Canadian male felt when they heard Jay Onrait and Dan O'Toole were leaving TSN to go work for Fox Sports in the US;

Dialing it in; AV's firing...

Well, the Vancouver Canucks made what I like to refer to as another 'Messier' by firing all-time winningest coach in Canuck history, Alain Vani- Vaingne- AV a couple weeks after a 4 game sweep by the San Jose Sharks, 2 years after their near-Cup glory run in 2011.

'I heard there's a coaching position available?' 

Of course, being hockey nuts, we all know that. Some say that AV had to go, some say that he was thrown under the zamboni by a desperate GM, Mike Gillis.

Simple fact is that Vancouver (unofficial motto; keeping expectations unrealistically high since 1982) pressured Mike Gillis into this firing. Vancouver fans are a fickle bunch and most fail to realize that they should be grateful that they at least got to see a cup run during their generation. There are a lot of fans out there that haven't including Toronto, Montreal, both New York teams, San Jose, Nashville, St. Louis... the list goes on but let's face it, reaching the finals once every 15 years is a pretty good average compared to the bottom half of the league. Even Scotty Bowman didn't make it to the Stanley Cup every year he had a team and he won exactly only one more Jack Adams trophy for best NHL coach than AV has.  Go figure...

Vancouver is known as a goalie graveyard. It took only one year for Luongo to fall from grace to be replaced by someone who has around 5 playoff games under his pads. Thankfully, Luongo is still a celebrity on twitter and has shown himself to be one of the most amicable (and richest) back up goalies in history...so good for him.

Maybe it would be easier to just buy a new car
everytime I'm low on gas...

Maybe AV will take to twitter as well in the few weeks he's unemployed for he has officially become the most sought after coach in the league as of 1 minute after he was fired. For the record, it's almost better for a Canuck coach to not nearly win the cup than it is to just keep the team above 500.  It's the difference between being Marc Crawford and being Alain Vaingneault, however you spell it.

Roger Nielson, who led the team to the 82 finals, was released in less than 2 seasons after near glory. Pat Quinn, another Jack Adams Coach of the Year winner, like AV left the coaching to Rick Ley right after their near glory run in 1994.  Both of their successors lasted less than a few years before they were given walking papers.

The last 2 Canuck coaches, Marc Crawford and AV have led the team to more points in the last 13 years than the previous 9 coaches had in the 20 years before them, including Pat Quinn and Mike Keenan's records.

So, if present history holds true and if Patrick Roy can come back as the Colorado Avalanche head coach, then look to the Canucks to win fan favour by perhaps finally giving the reins to someone who will run the team into Avalanche type territory in the next couple of years before hiring either or both of the all-time greatest Canucks, Trevor Linden or Stan 'Steamer' Smyl.

Something in this picture isn't quite right...

Holy shit...would that be awesome.  

Retro Post; The Greatest Canuck Stanley Cup Run

Ahhh, Vancouver.  If Montreal is to the NHL what the Yankees are to MLB, then Vancouver Canucks are the NFL's Buffalo Bills.  They've been to the Big Show three times, only to each time come away empty.  Unless you happen to be in downtown Vancouver after the final game, then you are probably coming away with quite a few things unpaid for.

While 1983 was perhaps an anomaly in that nobody truly expected the Canucks to defeat the 2x defending champion New York Islanders (yes, you read that right), 1994 was the year when believers were made.  A strong core of forwards led by Pavel Bure, Trevor Linden, and Gino Odjick. Jyrki Lumme, Dave Babych and Dana Murzyn on defence and the last of the great stand up goaltenders in Kirk McLean, before everybody started adopting the Patrick Roy butterfly followed by hip surgery in your 30's style.  The Canucks provided an amazing playoff run full of drama, emotion and continuous highlight reel moments, courtesy of Pavel Bure. While the 2011 Canucks had the diving, the biting, the LUongoing nothing can beat 1994's team for sheer Hollywood drama.

First the dramatics of the come from behind 1st round seven game defeat of the Calgary Flames after being behind 3 games to 1 in the series, featuring Kirk McLean in 'The Save'

which led to the perhaps the biggest moment in Canuck playoff history up to that time, Pavel Bure and 'The Goal';

I love fans like these. It makes me feel better about myself.

Three videos of great hockey fans that I don't want to ever watch a game with.





He's so passionate and he so eloquently states the despair he feels of all that fight, all that resilience only to lose. I love how fans like him use 'we' as if he was personally out there on the ice as well, fighting and showing resilience against bigger and larger opponents rather than facing the resilience of having to be in the line up for Sports Chek where the only Maple Leaf sweaters left said Antropov on the back. Wait. That's the Soviet Union guy. I mean, Alexei Ponikarovsky.

Props to his bros, comforting him and telling him 'next year'. Cuz that's what hockey bros do.