Flies Non-Update

 

Well, after the "I got this" talk of Thursday night, it turned out I didn't 'got this' on Friday. 

Instead of resubmitting Flies to another possible publisher, I chose to do other things, like clean up my tool room (which had been on the list for a long time) and finish my rough editing of Karmageddon. 

It's amazing how much I want to change after leaving it alone for 2 (?) years. Does it naturally get worse or is that just me? Anyways, I finished tagging all the things I want to change and have been spending this morning (Saturday) doing that instead of, again, resubmitting Flies. 

I also went to the liquor store yesterday, to get a little something to deal with the fact I am turning 50 and was immediately drawn to this:                                                                                                                                                                                       Now for some reason I can't get Blogger to text-wrap around these pictures I'm getting frustrated and having spent 2 hours on this computer, avoiding submitting Flies, I will once again return to my state of self-loathing and find more shit to throw away, at least making my day somewhat complete.                                                                                                                             So here I am, one less day until 50 with on publishing contract. Not like there's any rush anymore. 

Flies; the first submission.

Attempt #1

Okay, so I know enough about the submitting process to know I don't know enough and never will. 

I'm going to detail my attempts at finding a publisher for Flies so that way either I A) have someone to blame, B) have a semi-interesting journal for people interested in a similar journal and C) therapy.

I'm just going to hop on C) here. I submitted Flies three days ago, via Submittable to the 'Featured Publisher' of my local chapter of the Canadian Publisher's Alliance - that's not the name but it was the first one that came up on a Google search.

They have a caveat; saying they publish about 20 books a year with around 1000 submissions annually. So, chances are pretty slim. 

Now, previous experience/homework suggested there's a long turn-around time when a manuscript is dropped into a 'slush pile'; like months and months. So I sure wasn't expecting an answer anytime soon. 

But I did. Running that high I started reading/editing Karmageddon again and SHIT there's a lot of notes I've made for the next edit. How do manuscripts get worse the longer you're away from them? 

Then something unexpected. A reply from the publisher. Could it be? 

Three days and form letter rejection. 

I found that out about 7pm tonight. That put me in a funk so hard I laid down on the couch and power napped for about 15 minutes before being woken by the kid. Then I spent about 30 minutes looking at other possible publishers, depressed and miserable, self-loathing, questioning my validity of writing talents, etc. I put that on pause, deciding I will look deeper into it tomorrow. Maybe submit again before the acceptance settles in which obviously already did.

Another hour or so of that feeling sucky before going to bed. 

It was while laying there that I had this epiphany that Flies was never going to be an easy sell - I mean, it's a story about killing children that nobody cares about. I need to work on selling it; how I'm going to do that, I don't know. I need to have a cheerleader in my life, someone who will say 'no problem, you got this, you can do it'. And I realize I don't so it's all up to me. 

It's always been all up to me. 

I got this. I will find a publisher for Flies. 

In the meantime, I'll journal my struggles on my blog (does anyone read blogs anymore?) for posterity. 

In this day and age of bells and whistles and 'everything lives forever on the Internet', which by the way is not true judging from all the embedded video clips that have been removed from this blog, I figure this will make for a decent memory for the day when I do get Flies published and maybe, just maybe, find an agent to make my life a little easier and my confidence a little stronger. 

I got this. 

Be your own cheerleader. 

 

Cracks in the windshield; synchronicity

I'm struggling again but this time I'm more accepting of it. I realize I am struggling. Not just in writing but in all things. The 'do it' part is missing. I'm stuck on 'just'.

I need to hear that song now but the random Internet slot machine will play Lucky for me.

I'm on a roll
I'm on a roll this time
I feel my luck could change

Kill me, Sarah
Kill me again with love
It's gonna be a glorious day

Pull me out of the air crash
Pull me out of the lake
'Cause I'm your superhero
We are standing on the edge

The head of state has called for me by name
But I don't have time for him
It's gonna be a glorious day
I feel my luck could change

Pull me out of the air crash
Pull me out of the lake
'Cause I'm your superhero
We are standing on the edge

We are standing on the edge.


Nice song. 


I guess I should be happy I'm just on the computer. I was standing in the shower, delaying getting out. I have so much to do today. I took a breath. I told myself that today was not going to be hard. I could do it.

Just. (also by Radiohead)

I will sit in front of the computer for an hour. So far it's been 23 minutes, I think. OK Computer (rocking this Radiohead).
I still don't know what is wrong with me, I mean, other than that I have depression and I am getting old and I'm confused as to what I should be and everything that comes with being nearer fifty than forty or thirty.
Shit, yesterday I played Lego Batman on my PS3 and then mowed the lawn. Priorities...

I got another thanks but no thanks from a literary agent and I told myself that these rejections hurt less the more you get them. And that's true and also not true at the same time. But I still delay on trying again. It's been six months and no word on Karmageddon. Time to throw it somewhere else.

Yet, here I sits. On one hand, good for me. I'm finally sitting here. Yet, I'm not submitting K anywhere. I'm choosing to write this instead, to question why I'm avoiding and yet also to be the immediate answer as to why I'm avoiding.

Time management. My life sometimes feels like a series of band-aids on top of each other. And I hear stories and I watch stories and realize I'm not as bad off as others. So I should appreciate that. But I still have so much to do. Just do it, jay. Just do it.

I've got a lot to do today.

And now the Internet has given me this sadly timely U2 song that hits home on my Radiohead station: 

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight, all the time
You and I, that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need, I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Say, say, say

It's been an hour. Baby steps. On to the next thing.

Outside. In Rainbows. (Radiohead)

WIP Inspiration 3

I encountered the word kismet yesterday and feel it deserves some recognition in the book - currently basing it as a discussion of kismet vs karma. Perhaps between Steele and Ruby. However, that confrontation isn't part of Karmageddon but more on Steele's spin-off - the Book of Steele.

I'd like to return to writing that but if I did I'd never get Karmageddon print-ready in case the traditional publisher rejects it.

Sad I'm already thinking it's going to be rejected - In Michener's the Novel, he insinuates only 3 out of 900 slush-pile books get referred up the chain.

I don't know how this surging of self-published books are affecting that pile - maybe it's less to pick through? I don't know. Either way, a lot online that a writer's yearly income is lucky to break $10,000/yr.

I am thinking of getting out of the self-publish forums, too self-defeating. I read about someone who is making thousands a month, read a sample of their work and think 'are you kidding me?' Most of self-published I've read seems to simply be the slush pile.

But back to editing...

WIP Inspiration 2

One thing that has been bothering me throughout the X amount of months I've spent on this book is the attempt to make 'smoking' Karma sound legit. In a day of edibles, pipes, bongs and god knows what else, using the word joint, or simply the act of my characters smoking a joint seems so ... juvenile and crass. Yet, calling them Karma cigarettes - which I often refer to them as with packaging, social habit etc seems too ... dated.

So today I was editing K2 when I had the idea to call them Karma Sticks. I realize just as I write this that smokes have also been referred to cancer sticks so ... I like it.

Now, I just need to do a simple search for every use of the word Karma or Karmajuana in K2 and determine if it justifies adding stick to the end of it.

And that's part of my process.

In other news, I spent 3 hours on Sunday guarding someone who was run over by a train. At least, the parts that were left of him. Right now I think I have some PTSD going on so at least I have that going for me...

Our debriefing included a man who told us there is a difference between remembering and revisiting what happened and to watch how our brain reacts to being normal in an abnormal situation.

Takes me back to these thoughts which I will probably be revisiting with a therapist later.

Still avoiding avoiding

I'd almost laugh at how ridiculous I'm being if I didn't think it was so some profound psychological block I'm going through.

I did a query letter about 4 days ago, asked my wife to proof it. Wife... still sounds weird to say that. Anyways, she looked at it today.

In the meantime, I've delved into sorting my children's lego, planting some potatoes, marathoned a bit of Ash vs. Evil Dead... basically a lot of things, everything other than submit the fricking thing or talk a bit more of Post Pestilence.

So, here I am... I have 15 minutes to send it off before I go get my daughter. Part of me is justifying not doing it because it's Friday and what's the point right before the weekend... I mean, can't hurt to let it go for a few more days.  What's the worst that can happen?

I wait 2 more days then I wait 2 more days and I wait 2 more days...

What is it going to be, Jay?



SUBMISSION UPLOADED.

Pls Wait 6 months for confirmation.

Zombies.

Zombies. The 'It' Scourge.

Zombies, keeping it PG-friendly since 2015!

Love'm or hate'm, and let's be honest here, zombies are here to stay. For every one zombie movie/video game concept shot down, 3 more rise to take its place.  From Walking Dead to Plants Vs. Zombies to Black Ops, Zombie Mode to Rob Zombie to Shaun of the Dead, zombies continue to be the Beatles of the Undead.

Seriously, Google Search is amazing...

Now Hollywood has tried rebooting other golden oldie monsters like vampires, werewolves and mummies. Even Godzilla makes a resurgence every few years in an effort to try to brand itself on popular culture the way a Good Zombie plague has done. Yet nothing has been able to take the box office crown of the Undead away from these mindless drones that symbolize humanity's need to conform to just about anything put in front of them.

In Honor of the Return of Arrested Development; 50 great jokes...

There are two groups of people in this world; those that have seen Arrested Development and those that have yet to see it which the first group would like to bunch in the face for being so behind the times.  To say the return of Arrested Development's dysfunctional Bluth family is anxiously anticipated by it's followers is like saying World War 2 was just a little misunderstanding over cheese. Unless you lived under a bus for the last 5+ years,  you should have heard of how intelligent and amazing this American sit-com was even if you didn't want to.

From it's not-so-subtle references to itself, to it's now common documentary-style filming and the  outstanding comedic ensemble from unseen narrator Ron Howard down to guest stars such as Charlize Theron and Scott Baio as Bluth love interests and Carl Weathers and Judge Reinhold as themselves, Arrested Development was put in the same league as the original Star Trek after it's cancellation; too smart for it's time and cancelled because of it. Most of it's current fan base have come from word of mouth after the release of it's 3 scaled down seasons on dvd and it's return on Netflix.

It is considered a victory by many on the internet that the Bluths have finally returned after a prolonged fight to get the cast all on the same timetable, a problem that resolved itself after Michael Cera, who was one of the more active actors immediately after the cancellation of the series, finally found his calendar free of upcoming film commitments thanks to his plummeting stock at the box office (despite some quality cult flicks in Scott Pilgrim and Year One) and the rising stock of the 'other Michael Cera', Jesse Eisenberg.

While Cera's shooting star film career had at times been blamed for the delay of AD to be truthful nearly all the main leads, including creator Mitch Hurwitz, have been pretty busy with other work in the intervening years. Thanks to Netflix, a one season exclusive distribution deal and feature film slated to hit direct viewing later this month will either finally shut a lot of people up or just increase the cult of Bluth, following the lead of other non-commerical break shows like Game of Thrones, House of Cards and Boardwalk Empire. The future is looking good for non-commercial interrupted television viewing.

It's impossible to formulate a 50 best Arrested Development jokes because all we would be doing is skimming the top of a veritable mountain of comedy. All this list should do for those awaiting AD's return is remind them of other jokes upon the other jokes, a hallmark of the show, an unending rabbit hole of amusement. Most of the one-liners are missed on first viewing because they are just a continuation of another joke that may have started episodes ago. Much of the comedy in AD comes from in-jokes, continual story-lines, comments on (then) current events, visual cues and cut-away inserts. The ability to stop and zoom in on those inserts are an Egg hunters dream. If you are able, I highly recommend it. For example; the sign in Wee Britain about Mary Poppuns (note spelling) states; “Caution: Please stay off my landing port... I’m not the tourist killing sort... But if you have a working girl to kill, please let her stay while I do my will.”

Impossible to read during normal viewing but just a quick example of the care taken in the commitment of the show to entertain.

Here are 50 pleasant memories to get us prepared for the return of Arrested Development and the subjects they address.

50 Yearbook pictures

In particular Steve Holt!'s yearbook pictures.  This is an example of just one of the many Easter Eggs awaiting closer viewing. Although the pictures go too fast to actually read the captions, if you pause and scroll, you will see that each one is a set up to the next,

They read, in order: (1) “Nickname: Steve Holt!, Activities: Football, I’m out of here!” (2) “Nickname: Steve Holt! Activities: Drama, Quote: ‘See ya, suckers!’ (3) Nickname: Steve Holt! Activities: Food Services, Quote: ‘Study hard, guys — trust me.’

His mother's name was 'Eve Holt' (naturally) and as Gob just mentioned that he banged her, thereby opening up the possibility Steve Holt(!) is his son, her caption reads "What have I done?" which was also one of Gob's catchphrases.