What's a Deadline? the Metropolitan Division

Yes, it's nearly 15 games into the season and some sports shows/reporters/bloggers are starting to talk about the 'playoff picture' as if we were going to jump 4 months into the future and forget that ever since Bettman instituted that 1 point OTL rule (the Bettman rule) all games are pretty much meaningless in terms of a 'playoff picture' until after the all-star break. Recent past history has shown that by the time the All-Star break rolls around (this year postponed for the excessive elitist tournament of nothingness called the Olympics) there are only usually the Edmonton Oilers and perhaps two other teams that are already out of playoff contention.

So, to start talking playoff picture is ridiculous, especially since I haven't even blogged my season opening predictions of this new god-awful named Metropolitan Division which should eventually lose the 'politan' portion of that and be shortened to the 'New Metro' Division or more appropriately the 'non-travel' division, with most all teams being within a couple hours drive of each other.

But let's just get this over with so the season can officially start with Ogie's permission.

The Metro Division

So then I said, well there has to be a Metropolitan Division and they agreed!

 

New York Rangers - I know that the Rangers have surprised everyone by getting off to such a shitty start despite Alain Vigneault being behind the bench. The reason is simple. AV's a nice guy. Just think of the Rangers as that woman who finally got rid of that abusive, tough love asshole and are now dating that nice guy who everyone praises as being the perfect guy for her. She's used to the tough love and isn't used to this easy-going approach. She's still afraid that if she steps up into the neutral zone she's going to get verbally abused and therefore is still playing the game out of fear. Once she realizes that this AV guy is genuinely a nice guy and just wants her to go out and play the best hockey she can, that he's proud of her no matter what the score, the points and wins will pile up.  He just has to get Rick Nash to stop pouting in his room and come play. Then it's all going to be good in the Stinky Apple.

New Jersey Devils - the Devils surprised everyone by acknowledging that Martin Brodeur may one day retire and so went out and picked up the Canucks goalie of the present and Roberto Luongo nemesis Cory Schneider. Then they also surprised everyone again by announcing that Ilya Kovalchuk determined there was more to hockey than just money, which caused his agent's head to explode and mass panic among other agents as they rushed to remind their clients that it is all about the money.



 

Pittsburgh Penguins - the Penguins are just waiting for the Trade deadline so that they can once again destroy team chemistry and Stanley Cup hopes by looking for that Ray Bourque of deadline deals. After Iginla's botched stay, the pickings are getting slimmer on finding that career player who has never won the Cup and therefore should forgo his present team to come torpedo the Penguins. Joe Thornton, Daniel Alfreddson, and the always popular deadline day rental player Jaromir Jagr. Then again, the Penguins may have to suffer through Marc Andre Fleury's playoff meltdowns and the media analysis that will happen for the week before the first game of the playoffs as to why he's the Penguins weak link.

Philadelphia Flyers - the Flyers are an enigmatic team that are always good for a Stanley Cup appearance once every 5 or 6 years, unlike the Canucks. It is said their biggest problem is goaltending so they decided to commit years and millions on an ok Russian goalie only to drop him after a year of typical Flyer-like goaltending'. They then went picked up Steve Mason and Ray Emery leaving Brian Boucher once again on the corner of Heartbreak Lane and When the Fuck Will He Learn Street. Brian will back again in a few months as one or the other goes down to a chronic hip injury or in the case of Emery, being suspended for going mental.

New York Islanders - the Edmonton Oilers of the East Coast, look for them to occasionally pop up in the sports highlights, primarily when they are playing any of the top 10 teams that usually get the press coverage. Almost a carbon copy of the Oilers, the Islanders are a good young team on paper with a defense that would be hard to pick out at a Keg salad bar and a goalie that sounds familiar so that means he must have been good once, right?





Washington Capitals - Ovechkin is now under the tutelage of Adam Oates and much has been made of his amazing scoring since switching from left to right wing, or vice versa. Remember Mike Green? Neither does he. And Brandon Holtby surprised everyone by agreeing to be one of the goalies that will be cut for the Canadian Olympic team. Mikhail Grabvoski is a nice addition to the team and should complement Ovie nicely.

Carolina Hurricanes - Well, they have 2 Staal brothers on their team, which should cut down a bit on their parents' travel schedule. So they have that going for them.






Columbus Blue Jackets - Columbus is one of those teams on the cusp of being forgotten as continually vying with the Oilers for last place. The team seems to now win as many games as they lose since the departure of Rick Nash. so, I'm not saying Rick Nash was a problem in Columbus but Rick Nash might have been a problem in Columbus. One of these days I will have to try to find Columbus on a map but Google search keeps redirecting me to Quebec City.

NHL Playoffs 2013 - The Eastern teams (aka the runner uppers)

Give me my precioussssss, wraith riderrrr. 

Finally, after nearly three minutes of highlight worthy drama, the compacted season has ended for most teams quite early in the East, especially down in Florida where it ended back on the 2nd week of the truncated NHL season.  Yet, due to Owner flunky and league commissioner Gary Bettman the entire Southwestern division still had to play out the year to give hockey and Winnipeg Jet fans the chance to see if Coach Claude Noel could usurp John Tortorella as the NHL's worst interview.

Here are some completely uneducated and unfounded playoff predictions for the 1st round eastern match ups.

#1 Pittsburgh Penguins 

scarf optional

Analyzing the team - they are runaway favourite to come in 2nd for the Stanley Cup. Are known for having the second least intimidating team name after the Ducks and stocked up an already pretty stacked team with some character players at the deadline.

Come on, we dare you...

Analyzing the team name- the penguins are large, flightless, clumsy-moving birds that live in desolation and isolation in an inhospitable environment, so...Pittsburgh. They are known for their inability to take a puck to the teeth.

VS

#8 New York Islanders

Analyzing the team - Wait? What? The islanders are in the playoffs? How did that happen you ask? Remember the Southeast division? This is what happens.  Blame GARY BETTMAN.  The fact that they are in the playoffs makes a mockery of all that Rick DiPietro, Alexi Yashin, Mike Milbury and Charles Wang have worked years to destroy.

To be fair, the Islander management did get something right

Analyzing the team name - Another team based on their geographical location and which will seem utterly stupid next year when they move from Manhattan Island inland to Brooklyn. Thankfully, they are not the first team to suffer like this, as basketball's LA Lakers were originally named for the lakes of Minnesota before their move, NFL's Phoenix Cardinals shared the name of the state bird of the MLB's St. Louis Cardinals and  the Montreal Canadiens were once named for the amount of Canadiens on their team.


Playoff Prediction; This is the type of series that every Penguin lover sees as proof almighty that they were meant to win the Cup. For the Islanders, this series just reminds them that they have a lot of work still ahead of them to be considered contenders.  Penguins in four straight.

Bizarro NHL Notes

Random Notes on Another Week in the NHL 

BOBROVSKY!

BOBROVSKY! - Columbus's goaltender posted another shut out on Tuesday night, a 4-0 blanking of the San Jose Sharks.  This makes BOBROVSKY!s fourth shut-out, which ties him for the Columbus Blue Jackets shut out record, sharing it with all the other franchise goaltenders combined since their inclusion into the league in the year 2000, when nobody thought we would live past Y2K anyways.

Nobody was more relieved that James Reimer when
the two finally embraced and admitted their true feelings
to each other. Meanwhile, play continued.

As of today, April 10th, with less than 10 games remaining for most teams, the New York Islanders and Toronto Maple Leafs both are currently in the playoffs, which is causing Toronto sports shows call-in phone lines to go berserk in trying to have someone get Gary Bettman to have the playoffs start on Friday.

Ray Emery at work.

Ray Emery is currently 15-1 with 3 shut outs, which makes him only the 2nd best goaltender on the Chicago Black Hawks.

Alex Ovechkin has returned to form, which is scoring goals and is currently tied for the league lead with other Southeast division hotshot, Stephen Stamkos of Tampa Bay. Apparently it just took this long to get rid of Dale Hunter's influence on OV and for Coach Adam Oates (of Hull & Oates fame) to put him on the opposite wing, which is apparently causing havoc for goaltenders used to him shooting from only one side of the ice.

this photo captures the very last second John Tavares won anything
meaningful and his life was full of optimism. 

Speaking of goal scorers, the guy in 3rd place plays for another low expectations team called the New York Islanders (John Tavares). The highest goal scorer in the west comes from the LA Kings (Jeff Carter) and 7 of the top 10 are from the eastern conference with 2 Chicagoites, Toews and Kane filling it up for the west, which really tells us nothing about what it takes to be an elite goal scorer nowadays.

This has nothing to do with hockey.
It is a picture of the Canadian Prime Minister's cat, which i happen to think is
pretty awesome that it has more fans than me. 

New York Islanders Rookie Camp Fight

Watch out world; I just learnt how to embed a video directly on the blog. Now i don't have to rely on Big Brother's Youtube with their annoying pre-video advertisements.  So for my 1st post-advertising linked video, I give you this adorable little bit of poor sportsmanship from what must be the New York Islanders family appreciation skate day.  I am guessing that this is a young John Tavares taking on a petulant Matt Moulson over who gets to use the hockey stick first today.  As you can see, a confused Michael Grabner tries to intervene to no avail and then comes the cute chase to see who can get to the team trainer first to declare an upper-body injury.




fer pete's sake, another commercial?  Internet where have you gone wrong???

1. Anatomy of the '82 Canuck Drive

Once Upon A Time in Bizarro World

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.  Although it may seem laughable now but once many, many years ago, the NHL was ruled by two teams for a decade; the New York Islanders and the Edmonton Oilers.  Yes, it's true.  Karma does have a sense of humour. 

During the run and gun eighties, these two teams epitomized that winning the Cup took only determination and a great mixture of skill, toughness and access to cocaine.  The Islanders owned the early eighties, the Oilers the later half.  If you were lucky enough to be alive in the mid-late eighties, you were treated to two Stanley Cup Finals; the Battle of Alberta and then the other one against whatever poor team hobbled out of the Eastern Conference to  lose to either Edmonton or Calgary. 



I said "one of..."

It was different times then.  Vancouver, with their 'Flying V' uniforms were considered one of the ugliest uniforms in North American sports.  Their all-star selection was picked via lottery and their most boisterous fans could afford to pay for tickets and pretty much all rode the bus to the games.
However, right on the cusp of the Oilers transforming the game of hockey into ...this... the 1982 Vancouver Canucks became the Champions of the West; true underdogs that had the unfortunate task to try and beat the last great dynasty; the New York Islanders.  It was Vancouver's first modern-day quest of the Cup and was due to five factors;