What's a Deadline? the Metropolitan Division

Yes, it's nearly 15 games into the season and some sports shows/reporters/bloggers are starting to talk about the 'playoff picture' as if we were going to jump 4 months into the future and forget that ever since Bettman instituted that 1 point OTL rule (the Bettman rule) all games are pretty much meaningless in terms of a 'playoff picture' until after the all-star break. Recent past history has shown that by the time the All-Star break rolls around (this year postponed for the excessive elitist tournament of nothingness called the Olympics) there are only usually the Edmonton Oilers and perhaps two other teams that are already out of playoff contention.

So, to start talking playoff picture is ridiculous, especially since I haven't even blogged my season opening predictions of this new god-awful named Metropolitan Division which should eventually lose the 'politan' portion of that and be shortened to the 'New Metro' Division or more appropriately the 'non-travel' division, with most all teams being within a couple hours drive of each other.

But let's just get this over with so the season can officially start with Ogie's permission.

The Metro Division

So then I said, well there has to be a Metropolitan Division and they agreed!

 

New York Rangers - I know that the Rangers have surprised everyone by getting off to such a shitty start despite Alain Vigneault being behind the bench. The reason is simple. AV's a nice guy. Just think of the Rangers as that woman who finally got rid of that abusive, tough love asshole and are now dating that nice guy who everyone praises as being the perfect guy for her. She's used to the tough love and isn't used to this easy-going approach. She's still afraid that if she steps up into the neutral zone she's going to get verbally abused and therefore is still playing the game out of fear. Once she realizes that this AV guy is genuinely a nice guy and just wants her to go out and play the best hockey she can, that he's proud of her no matter what the score, the points and wins will pile up.  He just has to get Rick Nash to stop pouting in his room and come play. Then it's all going to be good in the Stinky Apple.

New Jersey Devils - the Devils surprised everyone by acknowledging that Martin Brodeur may one day retire and so went out and picked up the Canucks goalie of the present and Roberto Luongo nemesis Cory Schneider. Then they also surprised everyone again by announcing that Ilya Kovalchuk determined there was more to hockey than just money, which caused his agent's head to explode and mass panic among other agents as they rushed to remind their clients that it is all about the money.



 

Pittsburgh Penguins - the Penguins are just waiting for the Trade deadline so that they can once again destroy team chemistry and Stanley Cup hopes by looking for that Ray Bourque of deadline deals. After Iginla's botched stay, the pickings are getting slimmer on finding that career player who has never won the Cup and therefore should forgo his present team to come torpedo the Penguins. Joe Thornton, Daniel Alfreddson, and the always popular deadline day rental player Jaromir Jagr. Then again, the Penguins may have to suffer through Marc Andre Fleury's playoff meltdowns and the media analysis that will happen for the week before the first game of the playoffs as to why he's the Penguins weak link.

Philadelphia Flyers - the Flyers are an enigmatic team that are always good for a Stanley Cup appearance once every 5 or 6 years, unlike the Canucks. It is said their biggest problem is goaltending so they decided to commit years and millions on an ok Russian goalie only to drop him after a year of typical Flyer-like goaltending'. They then went picked up Steve Mason and Ray Emery leaving Brian Boucher once again on the corner of Heartbreak Lane and When the Fuck Will He Learn Street. Brian will back again in a few months as one or the other goes down to a chronic hip injury or in the case of Emery, being suspended for going mental.

New York Islanders - the Edmonton Oilers of the East Coast, look for them to occasionally pop up in the sports highlights, primarily when they are playing any of the top 10 teams that usually get the press coverage. Almost a carbon copy of the Oilers, the Islanders are a good young team on paper with a defense that would be hard to pick out at a Keg salad bar and a goalie that sounds familiar so that means he must have been good once, right?





Washington Capitals - Ovechkin is now under the tutelage of Adam Oates and much has been made of his amazing scoring since switching from left to right wing, or vice versa. Remember Mike Green? Neither does he. And Brandon Holtby surprised everyone by agreeing to be one of the goalies that will be cut for the Canadian Olympic team. Mikhail Grabvoski is a nice addition to the team and should complement Ovie nicely.

Carolina Hurricanes - Well, they have 2 Staal brothers on their team, which should cut down a bit on their parents' travel schedule. So they have that going for them.






Columbus Blue Jackets - Columbus is one of those teams on the cusp of being forgotten as continually vying with the Oilers for last place. The team seems to now win as many games as they lose since the departure of Rick Nash. so, I'm not saying Rick Nash was a problem in Columbus but Rick Nash might have been a problem in Columbus. One of these days I will have to try to find Columbus on a map but Google search keeps redirecting me to Quebec City.