The 2013 List of Reviewing The Best/Worst things From 2013

Ogie's 2013 Top 10 List of Things That Happened for Better or Worse in 2013

10 List-based Articles

My kids can't remember to flush the toilet, never mind 70 other things...

2013 seems to be the year that 'list-based' articles really went viral. Who am I to complain? I accomplished a giant step in my writing by having over 20 articles published by a webzine that specializes in the fan-based list format without the high bar of objective opinions or relative current subject matter.

Despite my success and their low standards, I have grown to hate List-Based Articles. It is a sneaky way to drive website traffic to make said website more attractive to the hated pop-up advertisers (which this website is becoming increasingly annoying for). Every time a reader clicks 'next' or 'continue' on a webpage that counts as another hit for that website. So although you are one person reading a list of 20, the web traffic control thingy reads it more as 20 people reading one list. 

Lists tend to be highly subjective and really pointless (says a guy with about a dozen published lists). Lists tend to dumb down a thought-provoking subject into a basic subjective opinion-orientated argument. Do I really care that #3 on Miley's worst fashion mistakes is not #1? According to the comments, some people actually care enough to argue why TDKR is a good movie, despite all the evidence to the contrary. 

Yet, list-based articles are here to stay. They are mind-entertainment for your eyeballs. Giving a set limit to your subject creates a count-down of such, where readers are more than likely to finish off a list of 10 if they are already on #7 than if it was just a long, well-researched article on why The Dark Knight Rises sucked donkey balls. Lists state automatically that there is a limited commitment involved, depending on how high you wish to count. 

9 Rob Ford  

I know but still...what if?

Wow. Can't a guy smoke crack at some time in his life without it getting filmed by a couple of low-income drug dealers who then try to blackmail that guy and then when that guy doesn't come through? And can't a couple of low-income drug dealers approach a major media outlet with that footage who will actually pay them for their trouble in filming a major Canadian political figure smoking said crack? And if nobody is willing to buy said footage of crack-smoker on 'journalistic integrity', what does that say about all the other crack-smoking, binge drinking politicians out there? 

Then... when this story finally breaks wide open thanks to the New York based semi-indie respected webzine Gawker (which also wouldn't cough up the money for exclusive world-wide distribution rights) Canadian media started getting all lynch-mob mentality on the poor guy's ass. As if he was the one that was up on that pedestal of self-righteousness and not the Canadian media who wouldn't stoop so low to actually pay for a story.

Yeah, the guy smoked crack and he drank. I've known friends since high school that have done the same thing and I would still vote for them more than someone who proclaims to have never farted in public or looks and acts every bit the type of politician we claim to despise but yet somehow winds up in office because he talks the talk. Ford apparently isn't able to talk the talk which has made his entertainment value that much higher. Plus...that thing about his wife...wow...just wow...

Yet, Ford, the Mayor, still managed to run Canada's biggest city with some degree of competence, which is more than what 99% of most politicians can say and so he let loose. Big deal. The Morality Police stating that he should resign, go into rehab, apologize for being Rob Ford need to get off their soap box and instead ask deeper questions such as 'why didn't the media want to buy this video of Ford smoking crack?' and 'why did he get voted Mayor?'
Yeah, it's an unpopular opinion especially with the money the Rob Ford ironic T-shirt industry is making and all the American late night comedy show writers tuned desperately to CTV for Ford updates. 

8 The Nelson Mandela Deathwatch

It's a running gag...

The world's press went into a near-collective orgasm at the shock that Nelson Mandela was still alive and continued to be for a couple months after the world's Press went on DEATHWATCH: RED WEDDING.
He was 90+ years old, he helped end apartheid by staying alive in a South African prison for 20+ years. He deserves all the giant 15 minutes of Death fame that he received as hundreds of news outlets pulled out their greatest hits; the Nelson Mandela version; stories that had been sitting since the first whispers of his imminent demise hit the internet.

Fun Fact; Morgan Freeman, however, is still alive, no matter what his Reddit AMA proof was....

7   The Egypt/Syria Deathwatch

From that month Ogie cared about World Politics

Remember when that democratically-elected Muslim President of Egypt went batshit crazy and dared to suspend the country's constitution due to it's overly-Westernized bias to that certain oil-producing Kingdom beside it? And then when the US backed military killed over 600 protesters and declared martial law? And how the US avoided calling it a military coup because .... welll.... it was their money and products the Egyptian military was using? And then when it all magically disappeared because everybody was happy and it snowed in Egypt for the first time in over a century?

And then Syria...funny Syria. Killing it's Taliban-backed rebel forces as they tried to take control of Russia's major port to the Mediterranean? And that chemical gassing that happened and the US said 'don't do that' and the Syrian government said 'We didn't do that' and the US said 'Too late, we've decided you have so don't.' And Syria said 'Or what?' And the US said 'We'll park our navy boats just off your shores and look menacing' and Syria said 'Have you met our friend Russia?' and the US said 'We have to get back to Egypt now'.

That was fun. 

6 (tie) Miley Cyrus/Justin Bieber Cute and Innocent Deathwatch

OMG! Teen-Child stars Rebelling at the System that Supports them;
Set Media Attention to Maximum! 

Thanks to these two for turning our attention away from all that shit at #7 . Isn't it amazing that we live and passively participate in a media culture that is owned by 80 year old white men who are giving orders to 60 year olds to tell 40 year old reporters to pay too much attention to what 20 year old entertainers are doing. I don't understand what Justin Bieber's pet monkey status has to do with somehow relating to National News. It is that dedication to the trivial banalities of young semi-talent that has made me and a host of others tune out of news channels and television in general.  While we might hear faint echoes in the distance of newspapers and television losing their audience to this 'Internet' they have only themselves to blame.  

Can you imagine if we lived in a world where the chain of attention went the other way around? You'd have teenagers telling their parents to report on what their grandparents are doing. The Parents would more likely want to avoid talking about the bad relationship they had with their parents. The grandparents are probably now wanting some extra attention as they are completely bored and are wondering why nobody knows when their birthday is.  Of course, it doesn't help that they are also looking for a final place to stay until they die.  

5 The Boston Boyhunt 

Remember these guys? They didn't do it, apparently. 

First, the Boston Marathon bombing was a horrible act. It makes no sense but it happened. People should be allowed to run however far they want, and people should be allowed to watch such people run in relative safety and comfort without wondering if someone just put a home-made bomb by their feet.

What also didn't make sense was how America's media all nearly had a collective aneurysm chasing every single lead that was or was not there. So many people waited with baited breath, Muslims going 'oh shitttt' to well... just the Muslims really.

But then it instead of a typical Hollywood cut-by-numbers rehash of 9/11 it went all Indie film by making the bombers to be 2 brothers who for whatever reason happened to have a beef against pressure cookers and crowds. And they weren't even really an identifiable minority who hung out with Islamic terrorists groups. They even had the audacity (stupidity) to stay in the Boston area after the attack. Then reality returned to Hollywood and the two went out all Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid except for one got run over by a car, and the other played hide and seek with Boston authorities who shut down all of Boston for a day.  He was eventually found dying in a perforated land-based boat and taken down with extreme prejudice (and a robot). Thousands of police officers, untrained internet detectives and cordoned off journalists were wildly entertained until America returned to it's regularly scheduled programming and the 17 year old survivor was never heard from again. Because as the saying goes 'Dead People Don't Talk'.

4 Bradley/Chelsea Manning

That's what 'she' said. 
Who? 
Him. 
What?

Who would have thought at the start of 2013 America's most dangerous threat to national security would be in the person of a diminutive 5'2 26 year old lieutenant from Oklahoma? And then only for that story to be trumped by a lean 5'10 computer geek from Wilmington, North Carolina who told everyone...well...you know the story.  Then the Manning story took another turn when Manning proclaimed herself to be trans-gender and wanted to be referred to Chelsea from now on.

There are very few military systems that don't automatically execute someone charged with treason, much less support their prisoners wish for trans-gender modification and identification. You would think he had bigger things to think about but seeing as how she was destined to spend the next decade in a male lock-up anyways, it's probably for the best. I say probably because we will never hear from her again but in passing.

Doing what's morally and ethically right takes a lot out of a man, and in Bradley/Chelsea Manning's case, you have to respect his/her internal strength for not only the release of the documents but also for her struggle to find her own identity and help America realize it's changing identity as well.

Yes, this summary sucks. It's the best I could do right now.

3 The Television Deathwatch

At least it's in colour

2013 was another quality year for televised shit-based crap. Of course, I'm being highly subjective because I generally don't watch television as I used to know it growing up. Bittorrent and Netflix have made the concept of actually paying for regular television laughable to me. Yet, if you are willing to shell out $50-100 a month to watch Duck Dynasty, Honey Boo-Boo, Pawn Stars, American Idol, (Not a) Dr. Phil, Storage Wars, any morning news show, The Real Housewives of anywhere, and a host of other shows that prevented more shows like Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, House of Cards, Happy Endings, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, The Wire, Futurama, Parks and Recreation, Raising Hope from being made. But Different Strokes for Different Folks, I guess.

The saving grace is that continued reports of declining television viewing shows that more and more people are tuning out from mass television and the mass marketing of cars, soda pop and Sham-Wow products. The unfortunate by-product? More annoying advertising on the Internet (looking at you, Youtube).

2 Edward Snowden

That's me, 3rd row on the left, 2nd one down.

Yeah, this guy is the American Ideal that their forefathers probably envisioned when writing the Constitution. America is that schizophrenic girl you once liked but kept hearing so much weird shit about. On one side it's one of the greatest countries in the world (because it keeps telling us that) and on the other side it's full of cancers, from it's gun culture (30,000+ gun-related deaths a year) to it's ignorant Wal-Mart savages. From Silicon Valley to it's worship of Steve Jobs and the millions of Iphones that Chinese workers make for him. 

This year there has been much shouting of how much in debt the US is without any solution in sight other than to continue renting out it's military to the oil industry.  

Then this young Edward Snowden appears and says what everyone has conveniently forgotten. With that 'freedom' that came after 911 the price was eternal/internal vigilance. Snowden was rewarded for his efforts in reminding the political class what America was founded on by having to live in a Moscow airport for a few months as his American citizenship was revoked, he was branded a traitor and forced to live as a marked man for the rest of his life, much like fellow truth-teller Julian Assange.

1 The Number 1 Best Thing/Persons in 2013

Yeah, we all remember the bad from 2013 until 2014 ends. Media and own fascination with mortality overwhelms us, makes it Page 1 of our attention ever since some witty editor came up with the idea that 'if it leads, it bleeds' to determine what is in the best interest of the mass public to gorge upon. Most news we hear doesn't really matter to us; it's just background noise to distract us from things that do matter to us on a more personal level. For instance, there is a Tim Horton's that should have opened a month ago very near where I work but hasn't. I want to know why not but nobody seems to know. That would be news to me.
Everything else I hear either doesn't really matter or at the most perhaps has some entertainment value for reddit.

So be it in mind, I found this video that I think best reminds me 2013 wasn't all bad and gives me hope for 2014. Be forewarned, it's not from America or Canada or even Japan and it's not trying to sell you anything.

It's called Good People or Stop Being Indifferent depending on what version you are watching. It's only 5 minutes but it's awesome.
Have a great 2014. Thanks for reading this little vanity blog of mine. I appreciate it.