My Opinion Matters, but It Doesn't: NHL Playoff headlines 2

PLAYOFF HEADLINES

SHARKS SWEEP CANUCKS; CHRISTY CLARK BLAMES DIX AND NDP

at least you can tell she shoots to the right

After the provincial favourite Vancouver Canucks were swept in four straight games by the San Jose Sharks BC Premier Christy Clark was quick to lay blame at the feet of NDP leader Adrian Dix.

"This is a direct result of the NDP and their leadership under Adrian Dix. If you elect me premier, I promise you the Vancouver Canucks will once again be Stanley Cup champions." said Clark through various social media channels and her blog. "If I could I would introduce back-to-work legislation on the two teams but I have been informed I can't, due to Adrian Dix and the NDP party."

I don't know what's going on but this is all DIX fault!"

When it was pointed out she was already Premier and the Canucks had never been Stanley Cup champions, Clark appeared dazed and confused, much like Roberto Luongo the day after the trade deadline.

"No, you're wrong," she responded, "Remember the 90's when the Canucks never won the Stanley Cup? That was because Glen Clark and the NDP were in power. He was responsible for Mark Messier and invading Iraq too. We have proof. And for the record, you are thinking of Glen Clark as Premier. He is not my husband although nobody ever seems to bring that up. That Clark was a loser, while this Clark is a winner just like the Vancouver Canucks, when they play against below 500 teams." Clark then paused and reread that last sentence from her notes. She then shrugged and continued on.

This is just a funny picture of a Sedin getting chased
by a hungry bear.

When pressed about her claim of when the Canucks were champions, Clark reminded everyone that it was only three years ago that they won a hard-fought series against the Boston Bears and the celebrations in the streets of Vancouver, were 'totally epic' and brought much attention and business to BC, especially for glass manufacturers, glass installers and face book vigilante detectives. 

If the NDP get their way, this guy won't even be able to
afford the cardboard to socially shame Vancouverites.

"Those businesses wouldn't have been as successful if Adrian Dix and the NDP were in power. It's only under my strong leadership were they able to bring the Cup to Vancouver." she said, "The fact is that the Vancouver Canucks loss against the San Jose Sharks is another direct result of the smear campaign that the NDP is doing against the Liberal party. Only if a strong provincial government headed by myself was elected would we be able to stop this senseless loss of jobs in the concession stand and car mini-flag industry in the early summer months. When the Canucks lose, we all lose."

When someone who was not a member of the press and looked suspiciously like Raffi Torres mentioned that the Stanley Cup was only in Vancouver for one day and actually flew out that night with the Boston Bruins, Clark waited until the RCMP were called and a SWAT team came and politely asked Mr. Torres to leave did she respond.

"Schematics. The Liberal party has a proven track record of winning. We won the Olympics, we improved the Sea to Sky highway without putting a toll on it while managing to put one on the Port Mann bridge. We won the HST recall and the teacher's strike. Adrian Dix and the NDP have pledged to destroy all of British Columbia by decreasing everyone's standard of living while we have already done that and the Canucks loss is the final straw. We as British Columbians must stand up and say 'NO MORE'. WE MUST TRADE OR KEEP BOTH ROBERT LUONGO AND CORY SCHNEIDSTER."

She then bowed to her old media colleagues from her days as a radio personality and newspaper columnist and returned to eating her $24 plate of asparagus and cheese. 

FOR THE LOVE OF WENDEL CLARK, YES TORONTO WE KNOW YOU ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS FOR THE 1ST TIME IN 9 YEARS!

Wendel taking his place for the National Anthems

Again, I'm not a 24/7 sports guy, I watch it when i can but the repetition of the 9 year thing is seriously annoying. I've heard it no less than 8 times today, four times just on TSN Sportsdesk in 20 minutes. Was there a secret memo that was relayed to all media outlets that it was law to remind their audience that Toronto hasn't had a home playoff game in 9 years? I mean, seriously. We get it. Good for you. You still will only have won the same amount of playoff series as Columbus next year.

I just hope that the Maple Leafs win one game at home so that we don't have to continually listen to 'haven't won a playoff home game in 10 years' next season.

At least make the fact somewhat interesting by saying something like, the last time the Maple Leafs were in the playoffs, Friends and Frasier both finally ended and Jimmy Fallon had yet to find he could not make the cross over from Saturday Night Live to movie star, instead relying on forming his own talk show. 

Or this bit of nostalgia;

What's a PlayStation 2? Or for that matter,
who's that player and team jersey?

THE CHICKLET SERIES; MONTREAL'S COACH SMACK TALKS COLBY ARMSTRONG AND CO;

In the 'strange motivation' department, Montreal's Coach Therrien responded to allegations/ suggestions/ a reporter's stupid question that he deliberately put out a goon squad in the fucking awesome line brawl in Game 3 of Ottawa/Montreal after Ottawa's fourth goal. This is not usually what happens if that was your intention. Sadly, the most experienced Montreal fighter could do little more than froth at the mouth while this was going on and ironically for him wind up finishing the game, which can't be said for most of the teams that night.

Therrein's response to the question was that he put out his usual fourth line and then went one step further to point out how ridiculous it was to say that it was a 'goon squad'.

"I put out our foruth line. Travis Moen, Ryan White and Colby Armstrong. Colby Armstrong has fought two times in his career? Tinordi is a young kid. Francis Bouillon? Do your really think that was the purpose?"


Ok, yes, the question is stupid. But provides for interesting stats as Montreal's fourth line isn't actually inexperienced in the pugilism department. Let's check it out.
Montreal and Ottawa's fighting experience and match-ups;

Colby Armstrong 12x vs Matt Kassian 19x

Armstrong and Kassian do little other than dogpile into each other and wrestle on the ice and keep a linesman busy as the real fights get underway around them. There's too much actual punches going on in the other tilts to pay much attention to these two.


Travis Moen 60x,vs Chris Neil 168x 

If Brandon Prust wasn't on the ice for Montreal, Travis Moen was the next best thing to go up against Centurion Chris Neil who has more fights under his belt than the entire Montreal line up. Good on Chris Neil for going by 'The Code' and pulling Moen out to lay a beating on as it avoided a series long segment by Don Cherry on him 'picking on the little guy'.  Despite Moen's 60 fights, it was of little use against Neil.

Fight Summary; 'Travis Moen is getting it taken here!'


Ryan White 21x vs Jared Cowen 6x 

Ryan White was the one who started this old fashioned brew ha ha by failing to notice Ottawa's Chris Neil was on the ice before giving a wicked 2 handed slash to Zack Smith.  He was grabbed by Jared Cowen and thrown around like David Desharnais on 'Free Hot Wing' night at the local pub.

Fight Summary; 'White is getting it left and right from the big defenceman!'

Jarred Tinordi 2x vs Chris Phillips 7x 

This was little more than a particapatory match up with both of the less experienced guys from both teams managing to stay on their feet and sort of pull each other around without much damage being done as they wrestled for a better view of the other fights among them.


Francis Bouillon 28x vs Zack Smith 29x -

This is a relatively even fight in terms of experience. Bouillon, despite his name or perhaps because of it has established himself as someone who can take care of himself although it really doesn't appear so in this match up.

Fight Summary; 'Bouillon is still taking them!'


As for pre-meditation? I have to agree, I don't think this was as pre-meditated as much as spontaneous, particularly when Chris Neil was on the ice and Brandon Prust (104 fights) wasn't and the Canadiens were all slapped around pretty bad.

However, here's THE classic goon vs goon premeditated match up off the face off from a few years ago. This was hilarious in that the defencemen don't even bother to tag up with each other as they were probably all going 'what the fuck?'