I mean, the first round is full of hockey every day, where surprises can happen and dreams dashed (hi Torontonians). It's full-tilt excitement as Raffi Torres skates around around trying to hit every opponent in sight and Brendan Shanahan leans heavily on the 'Suspension' button and TSN guest panelists try not to look like they know jackshit about why some teams are winning and other teams are not winning. Then as the first round nears it's conclusion, the 2nd round is upon us and the referees just let all types of shit go, leading to the usual 'double-standard' officiating that has been in place since the 2 referee system was introduced.
I mean...seriously...but i digress.
I remember back in the day when the league was 4 divisions. Nice and simple. 4 teams made it out of each division for a total of 16 (still the same). But back then, the 2nd round meant at least one team could claim the title of 'division champion' before going on to win/lose the 'conference championship' then finally finish the threepeat by becoming 'Stanley Cup champion'.
Your team was pretty much guaranteed to be in the top 4 of a 5 team division because there were always the Jets, the Whalers, the Washington Capitals that you could count on not to make the playoffs pretty much before Christmas was over. Now, it's a fucking crap-shoot from beginning to end, a complicated shit-show that pretty much keeps everyone in the playoff hunt until the last week of the season, thanks to the overtime point, the 6 or 8 separate divisions and the automatic inclusion of each division leader in the top 3 placings, no matter what their actual total points were. It's messed up and confusing and helps to make the 2nd round effectively retarded from an emotional standpoint. You win or lose the 2nd round, nobody remembers or rewards you for it. It's just there, like a Chinese place mat.
Let's see what drama would have been produced if the NHL had kept to the original 4 format (i'll keep the expansion teams in the closest geographical locations just as soon as i figure out where Columbus is).
Now sit back. You are now about to enter a world, a world where the peanut butter is red and there is something under the fridge, perhaps a key, perhaps not. You don't know as you can't quite reach it. Instead you look behind you, it is a wooden frame, holding up a wooden slab. It has a handle. You have just found ...
The Scary Door. NHL Edition
During the dark days of the NHL, so...like around the time Wayne Gretzky was traded to Los Angeles and search was conducted to find a new league president/commissioner to replace the hard to find John Ziegler and the too easy to find interim president Gil Stein with someone who would address issues that the team owners felt were not being addressed; like not making enough money, the domination of the teams in Alberta and of course, Toronto's monopoly on hockey in Southern Ontario.
They hired a small, weaselly-looking man named Barry Gettman.
Now what Barry did was slightly unusual. He kept the same four historical divisions; Smythe, Adams, Norris and Wales. He didn't want to mess with the history of the league, keeping positive relations with old fans while at the same time being able to expand the league with 9 new teams. He felt that at least this way, teams could take comfort in knowing that if they won two playoff rounds, they were at least guaranteed something, even if it was only the divisional title.
Barry Gettman experimented with the 2 referee system then seeing the game being decided by anonymous supervisors in video booths instead of the people actually on the ice, he went back to the 1 referee system, but gave linesmen the ability to call more penalties. He knew that teams and fans needed someone to blame for a team's loss, other than themselves. So he paid referees double their previous pay and stepped away to let them do their jobs.
When Eric Lindros was drafted by Quebec and refused to play for them, Barry Gettman quickly stepped in and banned Lindros from hockey for life. It created quite a ruckus in some parts of the country but once Lindros became an adult, he was able to reapply to the league on a free agent status. He was signed again by the Philadelphia Flyers and again Lindros was knocked back into 1967 by Scott Stevens in a playoff game.
Because of the lack of the Lindros factor early on, the player's strike never happened, seeing as how no veteran wanted an 18 year old making more than them without any experience, no matter how good they were; it cut right to the core of what a union was about after all. Teams were able to take a more fiscal management of players' salaries with profit sharing split among the players without the worry of salaries spiraling out of control.
As the players grew bigger and faster, Gettman insisted upon a policy to police the new equipment that was being worn, banning hard plastic outer shells for kevlar-esque equipment that had more give to it. The amount of head shots remained consistent for with only one referee, but the players were once again called in to police themselves, which they did to most everyone's joy. The lack of armored elbow and shoulder pads also helped keep injuries down.
Those that complained of fighting were given free tickets for life to Winnipeg Jets games but that experiment ended as it was destined, with the team moving to Phoenix. The Atlanta Thrashers were created specifically to give the teams in the south someone to beat before they were to once again head north to placate the Winnipeg faithful.
Now, 20 years later since Barry Gettman became NHL commissioner, how does the playoff picture compare with the Bettman NHL?
(For this hypothetical version of a Gettman vs Bettman NHL, I have guesstimated who would win in certain match-ups based on past history, standings, etc. If that team has already advanced in this year's playoffs, they advance in Gettman world as well - so a Boston/Montreal match up would result in Boston winning based on this year's real-life performance.)
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| And as per usual, the east has a way easier travel schedule. |
Smythe Division Points Norris Division Points
Anaheim 66 Chicago 77
Los Angeles 59 (based on more wins) St. Louis 60
Vancouver 59 Toronto 57
San Jose 57 Detroit 56
Winnipeg 51 Minnesota 55
Phoenix 51 Dallas 48
Edmonton 45 Colorado 39
Calgary 42
Without the divisional changes, the Campbell (or Western Conference) Quarter Finals would have looked a bit different in 1st round match ups. The only team that would not have qualified in this format was the Minnesota Wild who would have drawn the short straw in the more competitive Norris division. Alberta's teams would continue to be a non-factor in either timeline and all of California's teams would be in it, which would be great for growing that hockey market. Toronto would have been still fighting for a playoff spot until the final day of the season, probably.
Smythe Division;
Anaheim vs. San Jose
LA vs. Vancouver
Smythe Division Finals
San Jose vs LA
Smythe Division champions; LA KINGS
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| and they all would still have perfect, beautiful hair. |
Norris Division
Chicago vs. Detroit
St. Louis vs Toronto
Norris Division Finals
Between St. Louis and Toronto, I went with St. Louis. Their smothering defensive-style play would bore Toronto enough that they would think they were watching a Blue Jay game.
Chicago and Detroit would be an amazing series, just as it is now...decision yet to be made but whoever wins would go on to beat either Toronto or St. Louis and win the Norris Division title and the chance to compete for the LA Kings in the Campbell Conference final.
Norris Division Champions: CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS
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| the quality of television in Gettman's NHL world is amazingly inferior however... |
Adams Division Points Wales Division Points
Montreal 63 Pittsburgh 72
Boston 62 Washington 57
Ottawa 56 NY Rangers 56
Columbus 55 NY Islanders 55
Buffalo 48 Philadelphia 49
Carolina 42 New Jersey 48
Nashville 41 Tampa Bay 40
Florida 36
In the Prince of Wales Conference (aka the Eastern Conference in Bettman's NHL) the only surprise is that Columbus would have made the playoffs for the 2nd time in their team history, with room to spare for a late season losing streak. They would probably lose against the Canadians who would have been in a highly entertaining and publicized fight for first place with their hated rivals, the Boston Bruins. Strangely enough in the Wales conference, it would lead to the exact same match ups which would bring the exact same results.
Adams Quarter Finals
Montreal vs. Columbus
Boston vs. Ottawa
Adams Division Final
Montreal (prob) vs Boston in a highly intense, passionate battle that would have all of Canada riveted, with Montreal being Canada's last chance for a homer Cup. But...
Adams Division Champions; Boston Bruins!
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| This would earn Neely an Oscar Gettman's world. |
Wales Quarter Finals
Pittsburgh vs NY Islanders
Washington vs. NY Rangers
Wales Finals
Pittsburgh vs. NY Rangers
Wales Division Champions; Pittsburgh Penguins!
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| Iginla, Morrow and Murray finally making their entrance to a Conference Final |
The Chicago Blackhawks vs The LA Kings
The Pittsburgh Penguins vs. The Boston Bruins
In the Campbell Conference, the Chicago Blackhawks overpower the LA Kings in a seven game series. But worry not, Darryl Sutter's Kings are bound for Stanley Cup success.
In the Wales Conference, the Boston Bruins defeat Crosby, Malkin and the rest of the rent-a-birds in six games, prompting Iginla to seriously reconsider his chosen team to finish out his career with. After the series, he applies to the Bruins.
THE STANLEY CUP
Interestingly, the Stanley Cup finals plays out exactly as it did in our timeline; The Bruins were trying to force a Game Seven and held a 2-1 lead in Game Six with 76 seconds left, only to give up the tying goal to 3rd liner Bryan Bickell. Then seventeen seconds later, 4th liner Dave Bolland scores to give the Blackhawks the lead and proves to be the Stanley Cup winning goal.
Bolland is again swiftly traded to the Maple Leafs (who finally have a chance to see the Stanley Cup when he brings it to town) where he spends most of the year on the IR before he finally hits his big payday by signing with the tax-friendly Florida Panthers for 5 years at $5 Million+ a year.
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| Bolland immediately getting ready to punch the Stanley Cup Guy. |
And that is this episode of The Scary Door, entitled Through The Plexi-glass.
Well played, sir. Well played. It all hinged on Eric Lindros.
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