NHL Playoffs 2013 - The Final Eight

Western Conference First Round Recap

Biggest Surprise; The Chicago Blackhawks allowed the Minnesota Wild to actually beat them once on the way to their 5 game victory. Showing what $200 million in off-season acquisitions can get you, besides a league-wide lockout, the Wild put on a daring display of ferocity and puck-moving while in practice scrimmages but were unable to translate that at game time, which to be fair at times would be best to visualize as flock of starlings going up against an Apache helicopter.

Biggest letdown; The Vancouver Canucks who apparently were in the finals 2 years ago but looked like it would have trouble beating the Edmonton Oilers' mothers in a pick-up game. Lacking any sense of passion, scoring or a true #1 goaltender, the Vancouver Canucks rode the apathy train to Sweeptown in losing 4 straight to San Torres Sharks with the only fight from the Canucks appearing in who could get to the team bus quickest in what should have been a much closer series than it was. However, for fans of the Canucks, they have lots to look forward to in the upcoming months as they continually read about potential trade rumors involving Roberto Luongo and discuss in fan forums how the referees, the league and Raffi Torres were out to get them.

The 2nd Round Match ups;

Chicago vs. Detroit 

                         vs         

On one side you have the Blackhawks, an unstoppable hockey force that plays with it's opponents the way Mike Tyson played with that guy's face in The Hangover. On the other side you have the other Original Six team, the Detroit Red Wings, who have absolutely nothing going for them other than their decades long tradition of being in the playoffs, their incredible depth of European talent and a guy named Jimmy Howard in net who at times has looked somewhat mortal.

Chicago in six because it's Detroit and every sports show loves showing a clip of someone picking up an octopus off the ice. 

My Opinion Matters, but It Doesn't: NHL Playoff headlines 2

PLAYOFF HEADLINES

SHARKS SWEEP CANUCKS; CHRISTY CLARK BLAMES DIX AND NDP

at least you can tell she shoots to the right

After the provincial favourite Vancouver Canucks were swept in four straight games by the San Jose Sharks BC Premier Christy Clark was quick to lay blame at the feet of NDP leader Adrian Dix.

"This is a direct result of the NDP and their leadership under Adrian Dix. If you elect me premier, I promise you the Vancouver Canucks will once again be Stanley Cup champions." said Clark through various social media channels and her blog. "If I could I would introduce back-to-work legislation on the two teams but I have been informed I can't, due to Adrian Dix and the NDP party."

I don't know what's going on but this is all DIX fault!"

When it was pointed out she was already Premier and the Canucks had never been Stanley Cup champions, Clark appeared dazed and confused, much like Roberto Luongo the day after the trade deadline.

My Opinion Matters, but It Doesn't: NHL Playoff headlines

So, it's the first couple of days of the NHL playoffs, our annual Spring rite that indirectly gives men in Canada the right to grow a beard until their favourite team loses. Which is why I always cheer for the Stanley Cup winning team. Yet, I can't grow a beard. Strange custom, but we Canadians are always looking for a reason not to shave.

beard growing may be our only similarity

Already a few things have happened in the last 48 hours which chip away at my resolve to watch the playoffs. I'm not a 100% all or nothing hockey fan, but i am Canadian. Work, family and chores take up a large chunk of my time and so when i have the few minutes to 'zone in' to a game I appreciate it.  That said, here are some observations of the little hockey i have watched;

Let's call this....

PLAYOFF HEADLINES

YES, WE KNOW.

TORONTO MAPLE LEAFS IN PLAYOFFS 1ST TIME IN 9 YEARS!

Holy shit, who doesn't know that already? I watched the 3rd period of their 1st game loss against Boston and heard it at least three times, saw it as a graphic twice and then heard it two more times that night on TSN Sportsdesk (without watching the mandatory 'what went wrong' special Leaf supplement they run). And I'm not even watching that much hockey right now.

If you are just tuning into the NHL (which you aren't because you are reading this)  there is no way you can escape this fact. I mean, I didn't even watch any of the pre-game, post-game, most-of-the-game and hockey highlight packages that all indubitably made mention of this. We get it, Toronto has sucked for a decade and now the team is better than the Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lightning, Carolina Hurricanes and a few other eastern teams so sucky I can't be bothered to remember their names.
Reminding the viewers that Toronto hasn't played a playoff game in 9 years is like telling us the sky is still blue, America has guns and Nazis were bad, bad people. And after that 1st game showing, they still haven't played a playoff game.  Booyah!

Best of 2012, according to me (Retro Post)

This is old. But I wrote it back in December and never published it, so now it's 'retro'.  Give it a pass if you like, no hockey talk here. 

2012 

They made a movie about it once.  #53 in the Cusackathon movie parade.  So, because the title Best of 2012 (according to me) is pretty self-explanatory.

Song - Walk Off The Earth's cover of Goyte's Somebody I Used to Know got to me this year, which is funny that i heard their version before i heard the original version.

Viral Video -  First, i'm not a big viral video guy.  I've never watched Gangham Style, Justin Beiber or Carly Rae Jepsen or anybody lip syncing to their songs on Youtube, although apparently there were millions of people that did.  I don't know how i missed out on these videos.  Maybe it's because in the end; they are all professionally produced music videos.  So woop dee doo, somebody knows how to work some editing software.  As for all the hits these videos are getting?  Call me paranoid but seeing as how these three are all managed by the same guy (Scooter Braun), it's almost like he has some type of program that automatically repeats itself over and over, just because of some great reason that i am sure does not involve a popularity contest. Instead, my choice of viral video goes to;

Ah, Keslerrrr....

The last couple days where I live have been so windy that I must say i was pretty surprised to see this happen right in front of me at the local park;

That's the Canucks Ryan Kesler rolling faster than a flock of baby ducks after another patented Kesler dive from last year's playoffs. Apparently he hit some sort of space/time continuum and a version of him is doomed to do this through eternity; like Don Cherry's suitmaker. 

Man...watching it too much is making me ill.  For the love of God, slow down Ryan!

But then again, it's Ryan Kesler, one of the most sure-footed Canucks on the ice. It would take more than a little gust of wind to knock him off his feet.  Something like... a tornado!