Onto other things.

Perhaps a mid-40s man wasting his valuable computer time on comparing the 2 fledgling careers of 2 18 year old hockey players isn't the smartest use of my insights. But it did get me back (slightly) onto the computer, which is good. Perhaps my choice of subjects was wrong but in the end, it was an attempt to make fun of the situation; it's hockey. But then baseball happened and whatever comment I was trying to make of the attention being paid to these kids was nothing compared to the Blue Jays making it to the playoffs.

Last year, as a sort of in-joke, a boss of mine gave me an award for 'broker with the most hats'. This was in reference to all that I was/am trying to be; a mortgage broker, a care aide, a writer, a firefighter, home renovator, and last but most important to me, a good father, a good long-distance father and lastly, a good husband.

Ron Swanson has a saying "Don't half-ass two things, whole ass one thing" that struck a chord with his followers (me included). It's about making a choice and committing to one choice. I totally understand what the message is but in my world that one choice, as much as I would prefer, is not going to happen anytime in the near future.

I have whole-assed many things in my life. In a way, I half-assed them but I'm proud of all the experiences I had but in the end I am the only one who knows about most of them.However, I am tired. I want to simplify my life. I'm tired of being tired all the time.

Last year was supposed to be a game-changer for me. Money was supposed to be pouring out of at least one of those many hats I wore. I thought I would be spending more time on my financial career, helping my community by responding to fire calls, fulfilling my inner child by publishing some long-buried novels I needed to get some closure on. But there was no money rain; fire calls came either when I was at work or alone with the children. I needed to learn to market myself, either in brokering or in publishing but to choose either road would mean I would lose what little time I have with my youngest, a time I won't ever have a chance to repeat again. And I would be half-assing two things.

It was a tough sacrifice. I'm still tired. Maybe even more tired than two years ago. I was able to accomplish some goals, but as always seems to be the case, I fell short of time. There is still a lot to do around the house and no money to pay others to do it, so it falls to me. My kids don't understand Dad has other things he should be doing. The weather doesn't understand. My night job doesn't understand. My bank account understands. My body is trying to get me to understand. It warns me every month that something has to give; I need to start whole-assing one thing and re-prioritize what I should be concentrating on.

So what is it going to be, Dad?