The Vancouver Canucks European All-Star Team

All-Star lists are awesome.  They are so debatable, just justify your picks with a few choice facts, ignore the rest and let the insults start pouring in.  Especially if it's about someone else's favorite team.  The greatest thing about creating your own list is that it gives you the opportunity to say 'yeah? Well, where's your list smart-guy?' and then lean back in smug satisfaction for if nothing else, you had the ability and drive to actually write a list out that wasn't on a beer coaster.

For those who know Canuck fans, they probably will agree that most haven't even read this far; they just jumped to the selections and are preparing their own observations for the comments section which is fine, that's what it is there for.  For those of you who have read this far, congratulations - you will now find out why the Sedins aren't on the team; for the simple fact is that they are still playing.  So #1 rule of the list - all Canucks selected must be retired as of this writing.  Yes, the Sedins will be on a lot of greatest Canucks list in the future but let's not get ahead of ourselves, yes?

So, in no particular order here are my picks for the Vancouver Canuck All-Star European Team;

      Left Wing Markus Naslund 

Todd...todd...todd

 Markus, better known as 'the best 1 for 1 Canuck Trade in History', is the leading Canuck scorer as of right now.  A native of most likely Sweden, he is also probably a relative of the infamous yet really tiny Mats Naslund but maybe not; a lot of people are named Naslund in Sweden.  He also played with the Canucks for 12 years, which I did not know. This was because of Mark Messier. And I was high a lot. 

Worst Canuck Subjects to Bring Up Drunk.

You have to admit, there is nothing more fun sitting in a pub with a few of your most devoted Canuck brethren and sticking it to them regarding their choice of lame-ass teams to follow.  There is something about watching the spittle form on their lips as they defend their great Canucks that reminds you "Yet somehow this is all really funny."

you can also make fun of anyone
weighing less than a bag of pucks.

Of course, the key to bashing the Canucks in a alcoholic setting is to make sure that you know the people you are drinking with.  Beware the guy who is wearing a Canuck hat; their obvious show of loyalty makes for a bad sense of humour.  Of course, this doesn't apply if he is wearing some type of clothing that in some respect mentions Roberto Luongo.

Another person to beware of is the person who is wearing a "vintage" V jersey.  They will most likely be unable to pay for their drink.  If they are sporting a major bald spot and long moustache, it could also be Harold Snepsts and he can still kick your ass.  An easy way to tell is to approach them and ask if they are Harold Snepsts and buy him a drink if so.  DO NOT mention Mike Bossy or Game 1 of the 1982 finals.

The third person, who is complete fair game is the guy who proclaims his love for the Canucks but doesn't show any outward proof.  The easiest way to get a rise out of him is to tell him that he is obviously ashamed of the Canucks or else he would be wearing some type of swag that has set him back at the mininum $25.  He will be too old to play the game but still young enough to remember how real hockey used to be played.  He has an opinion about everything and believes that there is a vast Canuck conspiracy to keep Vancouver from ever winning a cup.  He probably has a name like 'Tyler' or 'Rob'.  During the playoffs, he grows a sub-par playoff beard that somehow succeeds in making him look less manly.  And when he starts talking hockey, he is seeing the world through blue/green/white tinted glasses.  He is a Canucklehead and 'sorta' proud of it.  

The top 10 debates to have with a Canucklehead;

1) Ugliest uniform.  This is to just get things warmed up and reminds the Canucklehead that no matter how heated the arguements forthcoming will be, you can always remind him that in the end, the Montreal Canadiens have never changed their team colours and have won the Stanley Cup 23 times (that legend, although hard to believe, is true) wearing basically the same jersey.  Talk about that 'salmon-colored' third jersey, or just what other franchise puts their owner's emblem on the front (orca)?

2) Petr Nedved.  This may be limited to the age of the Canucklehead who may have never heard of Petr Nedved.  If so, just tell him that Petr Nedved was considered the greatest player ever to be drafted before coming to the Canucks, at which time the franchise proceeded to suck all talent out of him.  This can be expanded to nearly every draft pick ever made by the Canucks, with only Trevor Linden and the Sedin twins proving the exception.  If they mention Linden, rebuttal with 'but they traded him, didn't they?' which will lead into the 3rd debate.