5 Parenting tricks that have helped me be a Dad.

Despite what all teenagers think, raising a child isn't easy.  Any adult who thinks that obviously doesn't have kids or might be missing something in the definition of 'being a parent' means. 

Being a father is a learning experience which pretty much starts the day your significant other decides to let you know she's pregnant.  Then it's a crash course for the rest of your life.  Gone are late nights of playing video games, casual poker nights, quick trips to basically anywhere, and buying what you want when you want.  Everything has to be considered in regards to that little ball of life that is your responsibility now.

This isn't a list of what-to-do's provided by an expert in the field.  It's a list of what-I-do's that I find seem to work for me for the most part.  Being a parent to a subjective little human being with it's own set of needs, wants and emotions is a never-ending learning curve that can only end in a parent's best case scenario - they die before their child does.  

Some of these tips may work for you and some may not but if it works, practice it.  It will save you a few of those mild to extreme frustrations and headaches that all of us parents get on occasion. 

Reasons why i love hockey pools #22

My first hockey pool was about seven years ago, right after the previous lock out.  I had lost interest in hockey right after the first lock out and the introduction of the neutral zone trap.  i gathered bits of what was going on here and there; Messier was signed to Vancouver, Detroit was always a great team, New Jersey was destroying the way the game should be played, Toronto still was mentioned to be a contender without everyone starting to laugh.  Then apparently Messier went back to the Rangers and the Canucks started getting good. They had a top -scoring line in bertuzzi, naslund, and morrison.  Somehow they were contenders again but as per most teams in the league, (99% of them) failed to win the Stanley Cup and Vancouver media and fans blamed it, as per usual, on goaltending. Potvin, Cloutier, and most recently Luongo all seemed to get more scorn than praise despite the whole 'we win as a team, we lose as a team' concept.  


I digress.  A friend got me to join a dynasty hockey pool for 5 years.  it was fun.  Met guys of like mind online and basically formed a relationship of mutual msg board insults and bad trades as we bickered over who should retire, who did retire and if someone should really openly support the Maple Leafs.  It was fun.  Got me back into hockey, but the format of hockey pools doesn't really allow for a specific team as you are cheering on specific players.  I don't give a shit if Vancouver beat San Jose as long as Joe Thornton (a guy i've tried numerous times to trade w/ no bites) gets me 4 assists and perhaps a 10 minute misconduct.


Plus, the msg boards allows me to practice my banter, which primarily involves making fun of others who thankfully, all have a good sense of humor.  And are bald, but that go-to cop out is just lazy insult writing. It helped me get back into writing, if not Hemingway, at least something.  It is a nice distraction, a few minutes a day from kids, chores and other grown up stuff.
So, if you made it this far, here's my first attempt at rekindling the fire that made me want to watch NHL highlights.  Maybe it will work again this year...

So, if you made it this far, here's my first attempt at rekindling the fire that made me want to watch NHL highlights.  Maybe it will work again this year...

I am currently proud of this little gem to start the hockey pool season in my latest dynasty league in which i sort of defend the newest guy from the commissioner of the league, who had to replace a team who dropped out over the summer after 2 years and basically no interest in insulting or trading anybody for i can only assume personal reasons,like he just never stayed interested in hockey.    

Interestingly, this was the way Richard Brodeur
requested a water bottle from the bench

To My Fellow Poolies; 

we all apologize on jeremy's attempt at either humor or insulting your mom.  it's hard to tell what jer's intention is half the time which is why he makes so many trips to thailand by himself to 'explore his options'.  it's rumored his mom dropped him on his head when he was still in the womb, multiple times. 



She used to like going bump-bump-bump down the stairs in an effort to get jeremy out of the womb as he had been in there for 14 months already and unfortunately his older brother is tyler who has trouble formatting cohesive paragraphs so you might say it's hereditary.  Tyler is easy to spot because he puts an * by his team name so that whenever you see it, you think 'asshole'.

i think we will make more fun of you once we see what type of lame ass trade by tyler you fall for or great trade you offer me.  But if you are from kelowna, chances are that you probably don't know what you are doing and will just stock up on goaltenders while cheering for the canucks because that is who everybody else cheers for and you find it impossible to have an opinion of your own without asking the waitress at the local sports bar you attend cuz she's like, really into old dudes who know who Tony Tanti is.

welcome to the big leagues, King B.  I remembered you fondly.

2 Games into NHL 2013; cliches already running rampant

"It's nice to get that first one out of the way" - numerous players through the first 2 games of the year. 

Yes, it was nice to get that first goal/win/point out of the way, nhl players.  And sportscasters are salivating at the opportunity to say 'the _____ get their first win of the season' because after all, some teams have already played nearly 3 games so far and not that the trade talks are heating up, but the trade talks are heating up.  Everybody but Toronto and Vancouver have pretty much completed the Luongo for Toronto season tickets trade that is being demanded.  

Luongo is proving to be every bit as equal as Schneider, or vice-versa.  To the annoyance of many hockey poolers, Ovechkin hasn't scored at all and for some reason, Marty Brodeur is refusing to act like any of the 100+ goaltenders that have retired at a younger age than he is and continuing to post shut outs, which sucks for my hockey pool because i have had his back up waiting to become the starter for the last two years.  I think Marty's going for the Turk Broda trophy for goaltender longevity - there is one of those, right?  Philadelphia is apparently already in panic mode (because 0-2 which is really like 0-10 in Philly land) and the amount of hockey players sporting those 'don't-have-to-shave-yet' fuzzy mustaches makes me feel old.

Ottawa can now double their chances at winning Movember 2013

So far the most amazing story is Paul McLean's doppelganger in Ottawa.  So at least, there is that to get us through until Saturday's Coach's Corner where i bet Don will say things that are totally predictable about the Leafs and wait...did i just see a bench clearing AHL brawl featuring a team in pink?  WTF!  

I really don't see what type of insult could have set this off...

 For the record, these are the farm teams of the Chicago Blackhawks and the Detroit Red Wings.  I don't really want to investigate which NHL team allows their farm team prospects to run around the rink in hot pink uniforms and socks but i guarantee you, they will not win the Stanley Cup anytime in the next five years due to the shame involved in wearing pink uniforms.  It's not good for hockey (man hockey, anyways).  My daughter has a pink helmet and on her it's adorable.  On me, not so much.  I hope the whole team (whichever one it is) gets fined for making a mockery of the dignified historical uniforms of NHL history.

Even the kid in the back right looks ashamed to be seeing this.

Welcome back NHL...hockey pool!

Yay.
Overwhelming enthusiasm.
Sleepless nights staring at nothing.
And that's just my wife's reaction when i told her hockey is back.

Here are my bold NHL hockey observations for 2013.

Is it just me, or has everyone on the Vancouver bandwagon overlooked the one huge glaring fact about Cory Schneider being promoted to #1- his overall record as a starting goalie is 1-2.
To me that's a pretty big indication of 'lack of winning'.

Sure, a lot of unproven goalies have gone on to #1 status the following year, but usually it's after a long Cup run, like Patrick Roy in his first year or even Antti Niemi for the Blackhawks when they won in 2010 who basically let him go to San Jose so they could use the much more pronouncable Corey Crawford in net.

Yes, Luongo is an all-star goalie who, like pretty much every goalie in Toronto and Vancouver, has proven to be fallible and amazingly patient with reporters stupid and predictable questions. It's a team game and it's not that he let more goals in than the other guy, it's that the other team scored more goals than his team. Maybe he's just tired of being the blame guy when it comes to every Canucks loss.  Maybe, just maybe, it's not always his fault when Vancouver loses. Here's a guy that gets railroaded into being a 'choker' because he was only able to win 15 playoff games in 2011.

While there are quite a few people that will be happy to see the Canucks return to 'average' this year, including me, it's sad that when they start losing and start laying the blame on goaltending that they will be looking to Luongo and wondering...maybe we gave up on him too early. I hope he gets out of Vancouver, calls up Pavel Bure and they have a long drunken night together on the beaches in Florida exchanging horror stories. Then they make prank calls to AM 1040.  

So my bold prediction this year;
it's a total crap shoot. LA won't repeat. Vancouver won't get past the quarter finals. Minnesota's double signing which was one of the final straws leading to the lockout will do nothing for them in the standings. St. Louis will go far in the west while Pittsburgh will forget that they have to win in the playoffs while Philadelphia doesn't. Winnipeg may surprise to the delight of Canadians everywhere but the Canadiens won't, to the shock of Canadians nowhere.        

A couple of published article links

I need to get on this self-promotion thing, but seeing as how i don't really know what i'm doing; i'll just have to link this amazing piece of journalism. Whatculture is based out of the United Kingdom but on the internet there are no borders, especially when it comes to criticizing the film industry.

In the original draft, i had the Entire Cast of the Expendables as #1 but it got cut.  There was no contact by the editors but it was a nice surprise to see it headlined the day after i submitted it.  

I should have made an entry called Al-bert Pa Niro or something, cuz i basically see Pacino and De Niro as the same guy; i have tons of respect for the guys and want to see them break out again a la Jack Nicholson.

Here is another article I did months ago, a hybrid of my final essay paper for my communications course.  There was an editor who contacted me with this one, so that was nice.  Popmatters is a website that is a bit more intellectual than whatculture so it's nice to pretend that i can write somewhat literate pieces.