5 Parenting tricks that have helped me be a Dad.

Despite what all teenagers think, raising a child isn't easy.  Any adult who thinks that obviously doesn't have kids or might be missing something in the definition of 'being a parent' means. 

Being a father is a learning experience which pretty much starts the day your significant other decides to let you know she's pregnant.  Then it's a crash course for the rest of your life.  Gone are late nights of playing video games, casual poker nights, quick trips to basically anywhere, and buying what you want when you want.  Everything has to be considered in regards to that little ball of life that is your responsibility now.

This isn't a list of what-to-do's provided by an expert in the field.  It's a list of what-I-do's that I find seem to work for me for the most part.  Being a parent to a subjective little human being with it's own set of needs, wants and emotions is a never-ending learning curve that can only end in a parent's best case scenario - they die before their child does.  

Some of these tips may work for you and some may not but if it works, practice it.  It will save you a few of those mild to extreme frustrations and headaches that all of us parents get on occasion. 

5 - Be in control of the TV.

Oh, great electronic babysitter how convenient and tempting you are.  My kids love the tv and that's great.  So do I.  But keeping in mind that children should not be watching murders/gunshots/more murders and the general stupidity of grown-up daytime television and other grown-up fare, it is possible for a Dad to lose his Manliness as he starts to overdose on the inane children's TV chatter and commercials that vomit out of it's speakers.     

If you start to notice that the TV is more of a background distraction to your kids instead of a foreground attraction, it's time to shut it off.  By making TV a privilege and not ambiance you may find that those select times when you do have it on, your kids will sit quietly, captured by it's warming hold.  On Dad-tired days, I make a movie or cartoon a special treat so that in a way, it gives me a break knowing that they just may be in one place for the next 30-90 minutes.  A lot of children's movies now try to make it engaging for the parent as well, making it easier for me to sit through and an easy bonding experience.      

Personally, I prefer the channels with the least amount of commercials as possible, like PBS which also offers some decent learning through osmosis shows if you actually sit down and watch it.  Less commercials also means less saying 'No' or the dreaded 'Maybe which really means No' to the assorted cool-looking toys that are shown.  If they don't know about it, they don't ask for it.   

4 - Get mad less often

Hear me out on this, I learnt this from another father and it made sense.  I've done it occasionally with my children and so far, it's working.  Have you ever noticed that when you or another parent raise their voice to a child and the child doesn't respond the way you want them too?  So you raise your voice louder?  And louder still until you realize your kid isn't deaf, he's just ignoring you because hey, he's heard you shout before.  Now what if you heard that same threatening/raised voice on average five times an hour, telling you to do something?  Eventually it becomes just like the TV - background noise.  Maybe it's time for a spanking, you may threaten before you realize that spanking has become the legal equivalent of a parenting hot potato, much like abortions and 'going out with the boys'.   

  

I'm not saying don't get mad; that's unrealistic and will present problems in other areas of your life.  But choose what you get mad about and be in control.  Showing your child you are upset about something is way more effective at times than patiently explaining to them why you are upset, which is what you do a few minutes later when the child is actually paying attention to you.  I totally agree with the basic law of physics that state action=reaction.  I have found that a few early 'maddenings' have led to less maddenings as my child gets older (but saying that, I have yet to experience teen parenting).  When I say 'Go back to Bed' in my stern (foreshadowing mad) voice, it usually happens.  Sometimes there are tears but usually I can confidently tell myself it is because they are tired and not that I'm a giant asshole.    

3 Good Cop/Mom routine

There's a scene in one of the early episodes of TV's Modern Family where three teens run to their Dad (Phil Dumphy) to complain about a consequence Mom has handed out.  As they are clamoring for his support he tells them "oh no, I'm not playing the Good Cop/Mom game" to their chagrin.

This is another good idea and it allows Dads to stay the 'Good Cop'.  There are a lot of things I don't agree with Mom about but I'm not going to contradict her in front of the kids.  She is their mother and she has earned the right to tell them what or what not to do, just like me (but to a lesser effect).  Effectively you are letting your children know that you are not taking sides (although it appears you actually are taking Mom's side without saying it) and you are not the 'mean one'. Mom made the decision, it's easier for you to just go with it.  

Parenting choices/discussions should be when the kids are not around to witness them unless you feel that they need to be part of the discussion.  Even then you should let your partner know that this is what you think would be best. Playing Good Cop/Dad does mean that Mom will want to play Good Cop/Mom once in awhile so be prepared to dish out your share of unpopular decisions as is your right as Dad.

2 - catch them being good

This one can be so easy but also so hard to take advantage of.  I keep a small box of chocolates in the cupboard and when I catch myself thinking of how quiet/entertaining/wonderful my children are, I give them a single chocolate.  Sometimes I just compliment them, like when i tell my daughter she dressed herself really nice today (if one is color blind).  I try to do this when they are not expecting it, like perhaps if they are just playing or if I see them do or say something nice to each other.  I don't understand the psychology but by doing this it seems that when i ask them to do something specific, such as perhaps pick up a toy or take their cup to the sink, they seem more likely to do it, even if I haven't offered a reward.    

1  The Countdown

By far I think the most helpful technique for me in regards to avoiding those frustrating parenting headaches is the countdown.  How many times have you personally or have witnessed a parent say something to the extent of 'okay, it's time to go now.' and then shake your head as the kid start to whine, complain, and basically come off as being a bit of brat?  Well, other parents think the same thing of your child when the same thing happens so the countdown helps me deal with it.  

 

It is amazing how little resistance I get in anything when I inform my children that in 15-10-5-1 minute that things are changing; be it we are leaving from somewhere, shutting off the TV, it's time to brush their teeth or bedtime.  This shit seems to work amazing.  Of course, there is no way to confirm it works until you notice the pattern of how frustrated you get when you tell your kid that they have to do something right then and there, which I've done. 

Listening to them whine for 'five more minutes' or asking them to brush their teeth for the 5th time becomes repetitious and frustrating and although easy for a parent to fall into #4 area, as mentioned I prefer to use #4 as little as possible to maximum effect.  Countdowns avoid that.

Plus, it helps me to maintain my own schedule, for if they are expecting to be doing something else in X amount of minutes, it's my responsibility as a parent that they can expect that of me. 

Okay that's it from the Dad Zone. Again, not rocket science, just my limited experience.