Why is it called Football and not Soccer or vice versa?

On the way to your 'soccer' practice, are ye?

The World Cup of Football/Soccer is on. As opposed to the World Series, everyone in the world IS actually allowed to compete. However, to get there your country's team does have to qualify but after that is accomplished, it's all hype and mayhem and distractions for however long corporate sponsors can make it last.

That said, I have no interest in the game. No reason, really. Just have other things to do. For instance, I played Go Fish with my daughter today. I also mowed the lawn and cleaned up the play room. I have one annoyance with the game, and that is why do we call it soccer while the rest of the world apparently calls it football?

To me, Canadian football is 3 downs, 10 yards and men with bigger balls than American football players. It's short bursts of adrenalin mixed with chess and large sweaty men. Football welcomes all shapes and sizes of athletes. If you can run 100 yards, there's a place for you on a Canadian football field. It should be every Canadian's dream to take in a Saskatchewan Roughriders game, just as every American should make at least one pilgrimage to Fenway Park in Boston.

Back to why we call it soccer and other countries laugh at us for it. Well, thanks to my all-purpose go-to website reddit and one submitter, I found out. It's all due to class warfare.

To put it simply, if you were upper-class in England, you called it soccer. If you were of the lower, working classes you call it football. And seeing as how most of the world is of lower/working class folk, the World Cup of Football is named for them. Because we learned the Queen's English through print and media growing up, it was media policy to call it soccer on TV and in books, so that the upper classes would get us to stop (or never start) calling it football, which was embarrassing to the Queen and her royal following.

The explanation in detail:

End of the midnight posts....

It's crazy times in the world of Hockey and Dad'ding. Gino Odjick told us all he had terminal heart disease, some soccer player in Brazil bit someone and it's OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW COULD HE?. But really, it's soccer. The amount of dives I've seen in my limited amount of interest through TSN highlights has been Canucks playoff-worthy. And who tattles about being bit on the shoulder? Who bites anyone on the shoulder? Even Burrows had the state of mind to bite fingers. Then there's the NHL Draft and all the drama that revolves around picking kids that we promptly forget about until a few of them show up in 5 years, unless you are a goalie cuz you have a bit longer wait ahead of you, kid.

My agent said he'd be right back.

But I digress. I'm closing off my night run of blog posts. I've been fortunate to have a job for the last 2 years that was low maintenance with a lot of down time. It gave me the opportunity to practice writing; first it was the lists (which I have grown to loathe). Then it became a little more and a little more. Then I decided to finish some other stuff, including completing some post-secondary courses so i can go into something that hopefully pays better and allows me to see a bit more sun than the previous 2 years. Watching the sun rise is cool in its way on occasion, a bit surprising when you've been drinking (however that was nearly 20 years ago). Now it's 4 in the morning and the birds are chirping and I have work to do, diapers to change (oh yah, I work at a group home for handicapped men, i'm a jani-murse... or a murse-itor.

So, here is to my first post, posted nearly 2 years less a week. Back when I was reading a blog called downgoesbrown that was hilarious and done in just good humour and love and then he wrote a book and I thought hey, i'd like to do that with the team that continually breaks my heart too... But I found it too difficult to concentrate on hockey 24/7 when life kept delivering me kids and grown-up questions like 'who's going to pay for all this food' and 'when are you seriously going to get some sleep?'. But from that first post to this one, the person I was always writing for is that future me, who will one day find this and wonder just what the hell I was doing with my life. Or a time when Rick Nash was considered a big deal.

Well, now I shall go. But I won't stop completely. It gets kind of addicting. Plus I have 61 drafts of posts in various stages of completion. They may be dated but just like Cody Hodgson, they deserve some appreciation one day.

And finally, here's to Gino.  Good luck, buddy!

Ogie's Answers to Everything...Part 33

People often ask me at work "Ogie, why aren't you wearing any pants?" and I just look at them and laugh. Then I realize that I don't work with anybody and I need to get some sleep.

But I can't, there's too much shit going on out there that craves my attention. Like why the hell is TSN the breaking news for any gossip concerning the Vancouver Canucks? Shouldn't the Vancouver Canucks be breaking their own news first. Sometimes I swear that new Canuck president Trevor Linden is getting his daily 'to-do' list from Bob McKenzie and the morning edition of Sportsdesk.

Trevor, your answer is ...

That said here are Ogie's other solutions to some things that keep me awake and mad at night.

Issue 1 - The NHL disparity of East vs West. 

It's been over a month now since the LA Kings defeated the Chicago Blackhawks for the 2014 Stanley Cup. It was an incredible series that showcased everything that was great about the NHL. Hitting, beards and no Pierre McGuire. That said, the Kings had to delay their party for a week as per NHL regulations the winner of the Eastern Conference was allowed a shot at the title. Despite an overwhelming majority stating the end result was as predictable as the Dawson City Klondikers/Ottawa Silver 7 Stanley Cup match of 1905, the NHL still insisted that the Kings play five more games against the New York Rangers who could only milk the emotion of the death of Marty St. Louis' mom for so long.

Barring the Boston Bruins win over the much-favored Vancouver Canucks (cough) in 2011 the West has dominated the NHL for the last five years. The East Coast teams, despite the easier traveling schedule, the massive amounts of press and Sidney Crosby has done nothing to make the East competitive vs. the West. Western Teams such as Phoenix, Nashville would be shoe-ins for the playoffs if they had to go against Eastern Conference teams most of the time. But due to stupid 'geography' they can't.

Sam Raimi's Movies of Preference

Hi, Ogie and friends.

A great director can be defined by at least three main criteria; they have complete understanding of the film technology available, they are able to translate the script visually on film, and they know how to work with actors to make them avoid becoming caricatures of themselves.

Say hello to Sam Raimi.

Sam Raimi is the epitome of the Hollywood filmmaker’s dream. He started making films with his BFFs Bruce Campbell and Rob Tappert and brothers Ted and Ivan back in high school in the backwoods of Michigan. After high school they begged, borrowed, and stole to make a little horror movie called Evil Dead and eventually sold it, where it is now heralded as one of the best cinema horrors ever.

They went to Hollywood, where Raimi made a bunch more movies with ever increasing budgets, reaching A-list ranking by taking the helm of the very profitable original Spider-Man trilogy. His lateste work, Oz: The Great and Powerful isn't included in this list as... well, I pretty much already wrote the thing before seeing it and I didn't feel like picking a spot (somewhere between 7-10).

Raimi managed to avoid the burn-out phase which generally occurs happens upon hitting the high of Hollywood. He has maintained his loyalties to those that have helped him pursue his dreams and maintained working relationships with those that shared in making Evil Dead and he has never forgotten where he came from.

Raimi’s signature trademark is the ’73 Oldsmobile Delta 88 that he casts in near every movie and has become the fun of a neat drinking game on the side. And most of the time, despite studio executives protests, he always tries to find a role for brother Ted or self-admitted B-movie star Bruce Campbell. That’s true loyalty right there. Oh yeah, he was also a driving force behind TV’s Xena, Princess Warrior and Hercules as a side project when he wasn't making films back in the 90's, giving the world an updated kick-ass version of Wonder Woman.

Being an admitted fan of Raimi’s, here are Raimi’s films ranked from worst to best - minus Oz. 

Shit Happens. Literally. Part 1 of a series.

MAJOR WARNING - THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS STORIES AND IMAGES YOU MAY NOT WANT TO EXPERIENCE UNLESS YOU HAVE A WEIRD POOP FETISH.

 CONTINUE AT YOUR OWN RISK. 

Pictures won't be very great either...

So it's come out a bit that in my other life outside of Ogie I work in social services. It's one of the most idealistic of careers but also one of the worst, outside of probably Dolphin Euthanizer. I've been doing it for too long and as anyone who works in social services knows, there isn't a set time that makes it 'too long'. You know it when you get there. It can be 2 years, it can be 10 years but sure as shit, one day you will think "I've been doing this for too long.". Shit becomes 'normal'. Hints that you've passed that precipice is when things that in another world would be disgusting, disgraceful or downright disturbing are 'normalized' by your brain. What you find disgusting, I just think - well, at least I am getting paid for this.

This is a short bit about that 'normalizing' my brain does towards one of the most disgusting yet vital functions we must do on a near-daily basis to live; poop.

Technically, over here it's politically called 'a B.M.' for Bowel Movement. It's vitally important that everyone poops. We've written books about it and explain it early and often to pre-school kids. We look forward to the day our kids can POOP BY THEMSELVES! Ask any parent and that is better than any Mother's or Father's Day. There should be a specific day set aside each year for our child once they've POOPED BY THEMSELVES! just like a birthday, it's the second most joyous day of a parent's young life. Seriously.

Anyways, I digress. This is about Poop. Shit. Turds. Crap. B.M's. Feces. Excrement. And about how a certain sub-section of social service workers (and by extension, nurses) normalize incidents involving BM's. This is another therapeutic article for me as I realize I have 'been doing this for too long'.

So, here we go... read at your own risk. These are people/incidents that have been normalized by my brain. Ten years ago, I never would have thought that I would live to experience/witness/deal with these incidents that I will put forth to the wide world of the internet.

Who's The Bigger Douches? BC Liberals or BC Teachers? (w/ pics)

First, for all the fans of Ogie not living in BC, Canada - this is pretty geographically and politically specific. Read as either entertainment or foreshadowing.

Now usually, I reserve my rants on ogieoglethorpe to recreational activities such as hockey, pop culture, maybe how much of an ass my buddy Johnny is. But as deemed necessary by the midgets pounding on the inside of my head I need to vent once in awhile about bigger matters. I have to get this out there, just for the sake of my own sanity.

For parents in BC with kids in school, the question is out there right now; who is a bigger douche? Your local neighbourhood teacher or Christy Clark, leader of the BC Liberal party, notorious union breaker, Enbridge supporter (it's coming) and occasional Canucks fan (when they were winning). She's so popular she had to move out of Point Gray/Vancouver so she could still remain Premier.

She does have a nice smile though...

Now most of BC has already picketed which side of the line they are already on. But not Ogie. I need quasi-facts, just not opinionated opinions. I need to know... Who is the Bigger Douchebag?

Dodgeball? You don't need no stinkin' Dodgeball. It's not in the Budget!

Issue - The Teachers make too much money;

• Your local MLA makes basic compensation of $101,859 as of 2009. If your MLA holds a parliamentary position or office, they receive bonus compensation of anywhere from 90% (premier) to deputy chair of a committee (10%).

• An employee of the govt/executive of the BC Education system's pay... aka the superintendent of the district;

Large;  Vancouver District #39   $241,724
Medium Prince George #57        $186 094
Small market Kootenays #19      $127,347

13 Canadian Cult Films

Here there be Spoilers....

Canada. The poor b*stard stuck between America’s arrogance and British self-righteousness. Like an over-compensating eldest child, it also strives to keep the peace with its First Nations population and their French step-sibling of a province, Quebec. We are internationally known as the nation who say sorry when you step on our toes, unless you are on a hockey rink – then it’s every nation’s ankles for itself. We strive to be culturally diverse, yet try to have a culture of our own (which is pretty much impossible when your closest competitor is the United States).

In an effort to maintain or create a cultural heritage of our own, Canadian filmmakers usually turn to the Canadian government for film financing. Telefilm Canada is much like what BBC Films is to British filmmakers. Canadians fund Telefilm through taxes, so it goes to say that it’s pretty difficult for the general public to justify allocating money to Telefilm when its films are generally regulated to the art-house circuit (which most of the public presumably thinks is an actual art house, where one buys art and good quality posters).

With a mandate to fund only films that uniquely (and often vaguely) express the Canadian identity, it is a source many beginning producers often try to tap into, usually with limited results. Of course, it helps if you have already distributed a film to positive reviews and sales, but for beginning filmmakers, odds are you will have just as good a chance as receiving financing from a community bake sale than from the cost-conscious Canadian government. When government cut backs are announced, Telefilm (and Canadian filmmakers) tend to feel the pinch more than most.

Yet, despite the dryness of recent Canadian films, here are 13 of the Canadian government’s most embarrassing – if not successful – films, all of which became legends in their own right…

It's all in the (self) promotion...

So to the right of this blog, there is a simple question; subscribe?                                         ---------->

In this day and age of self-promoting, I guess i join the pack and what better way to do it than ask you to skip the middle computer robot and join my mailing list - on occasion you will get updates regarding new blog posts, perhaps a link to an article or two and news of my upcoming novel code-named;  EaFoM.

Best of all, they will be written by me and not some computer program lacking in personality, like Jacques Martin. So pls, if you are reading this, why not subscribe? It's just over there to the right, just above the Titanic.

Classy NHL players, adding Scotty Hartnell

What happens on the ice is all in the fun of the game. 

How to Beat a Dead Horse by the NHL and it's broadcasters

Tell me more about your dead mom, Marty...

First, let's assume that everybody who is still interested in the Stanley Cup are one of four types of people;

1) New York Rangers Fans
2) Los Angeles Kings Fans
3) Network Hockey Analysts
4) Hockey Nut Whose Team is Now Out But Has Nothing Else To Do While Waiting for the Next Game of Thrones Episode.

I think we can all agree that there is a lot of interest regarding the Stanley Cup in NY and LA. Not like 'Brad Pitt making out With Jen Aniston' interest but more 'Woody Allen marrying his adopted daughter' interest. These 'new' fans of the game are the ones the rest of us hate, the ones who will only follow 'winners' and when asked who their favourite player is would say 'number 23?' and read your face for approval and/or correct number selection.