A Dad's view On Rape, Handguns, and Murder

The DAD in me; Guns and Me and You and Them

(Part 1 of 3)

So adorable! Baby's got a gwun.

First, I think it's healthy for any blog or website that tries to lighten things up in this world to once in awhile cast some serious light on an issue. Call it the Jon Stewart Principle. We can't always heal ourselves with laughter or sly smiles. At least not at first. It's healthy to laugh, laughter does heal but it shouldn't heal due to ignorance of current events. Often, it's the knowledge of current events which make the laughter.

Let's take on these heavy subjects I'm introducing one at a time, from the perspective of a father, all ripped from this last week of national news. People who may stumble across this page may not have children and decide to move on, thinking this doesn't pertain to them. For those people so full of optimism, I was once like you. I didn't think I was ever going to be a father and that was fine. However, in a span of a quick and unexpected five years I am now expecting my third child. So, never bet against the future. Anything can happen. Hopefully, more good than bad but it's been a tough week to believe in that mantra.

I have one boy and one girl and one yet to be determined. Each of these subjects touch on our views of gender roles but I will start with the predominantly male one first; guns.

A comparison of School-based shootings between America and Canada from 1980-April 2013;

                        America     Canada 

         80's            20                1

         90's            30                2

         00's            32                3

     2010-             33                 2

     Total;           115                8

     

     Deaths;        303               26

Gold Medal in Deaths by Firearms in Schools; USA!

*this doesn't take into account that over 1/2 of the Canadian deaths were from 1989's Polytechnique massacre (15) nor the fatalities caused by teens outside of schools. It also doesn't mention how many were injured but it's safe to guess 'more'. 

*sadly, if were to expand these statistics as per population and give Canada about 1/10th of the population of the US the final stats would read as Canada having a death toll of 260 so let's keep the non-violent Canadian society aspect in check...Again, the Polytechnique massacre does skew the numbers quite a bit.


I grew up on a hobby farm, with goats, chickens, horses and rifles and learned to shoot by the time I was twelve. At one time we were having a fox problem, Dad coming back into the house declaring that the fox had killed another one of our turkeys or chickens. Dad took to leaving his .22 rifle out in the feed shed, all the quicker to access it if that fox ever came around, which it did.
On that day we were inside. Dad yelled 'Fox!' and raced out the door to the back, me trailing behind. I could see the silver-haired fox in the turkey pen, racing up and down the fence line, obviously trying to find the hole that he had came in. It knew it was in trouble. Dad pulled out the rifle and popped 10 quick shots off, firing like a movie star; just shooting as if a swarm of zombies were coming at him. He missed every shot and the fox was able to scamper through the hole and disappear.




After that little bit of excitement and the thoughts of having a cool fox tail to hang off my bike, like Archie had hanging off his jalopy (remember I was 12ish), I told Dad i would wait up in the hay barn with the rifle in case it came back (I had a look out up in the rafters that i would climb up into on occasion to kill the summer days). Dad said okay and he handed me the rifle and left me. I climbed up into my look out spot, laid down with a good view across our back fence line and waited. In hindsight, I have no idea if that rifle was loaded, but i treated it like it was. It's a question i will have to ask my dad later.

I don't know how long i was up there but during that time my attitude changed. I started wondering why that fox was hunting our turkeys and all i could think of was it was just trying to eat. There was nothing malicious in his behaviour; it was natural. Our turkey coop was akin to a drive-thru restaurant. I came down from that hay barn, gave the rifle to my father and I haven't had the urge to shoot an animal since. I never went hunting with my dad (except with a camera) and he has never insisted that I go with him when he did. It was always my choice. I chose not to, however I don't mind target shooting when the opportunity presents itself.

My point is this; I was conditioned to shoot guns, like most boys still are. It's part of being a boy. At one point, i graduated to shooting a real gun, like some boys do. My dad showed me how. Not all boys are taught that by their fathers. And lastly, we had a rifle to shoot a fox that was killing our turkeys and chickens. We didn't have it to 'express our rights' or to 'protect ourselves against the state'. It had nothing to do with our 'right to bear arms'. There is a reason for guns, yes. Most of the arguments for them are really invalid when it comes to it. Americans aren't scared of foxes in the chicken coops, they're scared of the other farmers that are carrying rifles, all thinking that it's really the foxes that are carrying rifles.

The Boy Scouts splinter faction really needs to update
their uniform policies.

But it's not foxes carrying them, it's our kids. And they are not learning gun culture from their dads, they are learning it from their peers, their games, our media. After this latest bombing at the Boston Marathon, I'm all like 'meh'. Last Friday an 18 year old posted a final entry in a 'popular' site, declaring his intentions to go shoot up a mall. Which he did. He's not a terrorist, he worked at Old Navy and was designing websites at his community college. He decided (for whatever reason) to give 'a lesson' according to the last post and went on to describe what he's using because 'the news never gets it right'. And yes, the news didn't get it right. Gawker did. He also mentions where he learned to handle a shotgun; the Christianburg police.  
It's barely been four months since the Newton massacre. Now Boston's violence shuffles the front page story to the back. We shouldn't live in a society who's answer to forgetting past tragedies is to cover new ones. This is a news cycle that is feeding upon itself only devouring a bigger story that comes along. It doesn't help.

To me, the worst part of all the discussions around these people's motives about it being video games, mental illness, access to firearms, cutting of social programs, teachers, movies, violence on tv etc is that rarely does anybody focus on the parents; the NUMBER ONE influence on children.

Questions parents should ask themselves;

How many shows do you watch with your children (or with them in the room) that involve either murder, guns, rape or all of the above? This includes Criminal Minds, Law & Order, CSI, Dexter, nightly news, CSI;SVU, etc etc. 

How many times do you say 'this show is too old for my child to watch'?

How many times have you let your child hold a rifle/gun and explain how and where the safety is?

How many times have you watched your child take a bead on an enemy's head in a first person shooter game and think 'nice shot, son' instead of thinking 'man, my kid is way too into this?'

How many times have you discussed a recent school tragedy with your children that are attending school, no matter what age they are?

What do they feel when they hear about a kid their age killing someone and/or themselves?

There is plenty of information on the web about starting a dialogue with your kids about these matters. Don't be afraid to spend 15 minutes of your busy life reading up on it before you decide to approach them and do some active parenting. Don't wait until your kid is a statistic. Do it for them.

I'm pro-gun but with reason, I'm pro-video game but with moderation, I'm pro-television but with intelligence. My kids are going to become more and more influenced by the children of the other parents that i will never meet and that scares me.

i may kill your kid one day...

Most parents will say they care for their children's future however some won't (or don't know how) to put that care into practice. To those parents, just try. If you don't know, ask. Instead of blaming all the other people responsible for your child failing school or their anti-social violent behaviour perhaps look at that one in the mirror first and accept it starts (and could end) with you.



It's definitely better than the alternative where you are left wondering 'what did I do wrong?'.


(Tomorrow; let's talk about Rape)