Seriously...F^^# That Guy

Mark doing what he does best.

Mark Messier, the man who crushed many a Canuck fans dreams has once again placed his boot on the face of the Canuck franchise, this time to the tune of $6 million.  A New York (go figure) arbitrator awarded the sum to Messier after he brought a lawsuit against the Canucks for...if i understand this right...not paying him a percentage of the value the Canuck franchise increased from the time Messier joined the Canucks in 1997 to the time he finished demolishing it in 2000.   

Say what you will, but this man knows how to write a contract.  I heard that when he signed with the Rangers the first time, there was a clause that he had to be in the top 3 highest earning players.  That means he admitted that he did not deserve more than Gretzky or Lemieux but basically, he was more valuable than anyone else.  So when Jaromir Jagr received a pay raise, making him 3rd highest paid in the league, Messier's contract automatically called for a raise to leapfrog him back into 3rd. 

And i think he was his own agent too.  Talk about the balls on this guy.  So when his contract expired with the NYR and the beginning of the new era of NHL 'super' stars; Bure, Lindros, Mogilny, Jagr emerged, he felt slighted that the Rangers would not again resign him to be the 3rd highest paid player in the league and so for some deep-seated hatred, decided to offer his services to whichever team would allow him to destroy Trevor Linden the most.  That team? The Vancouver Canucks. 






So along comes the drunken but not yet certifiably insane John McCaw/Orca Bay franchise with money to burn and it does.  $6 million a year (beating apparently the NYR's offer of $4 million) for three years, $5 million for 2 and again the opportunity to crush the franchise into something less valuable than a Brett Lindros autograph. 

Twelve years later, or roughly the speed of Jim Sandlak, Messier finally gets a judgement that apparently, the Canucks became more valuable while he was with them.  Not because they traded for Markus Naslund, had developed 4 more style of jerseys, or were playing out of GM Place but because...Mark Messier was on the team.  That's like saying my car is worth more because i have fuzzy dice on the rear view mirror.
 
The Canucks can decide to appeal; it was the previous owner's signing after all but is it worth it?  I mean for $6 million in the NHL today they could only get someone like... Shaun Horcoff.  (wha? really? - og). 

Here is a list of Canuck counter-offers that they may propose to Messier;

1) He can have Roberto Luongo as his man-butler for one year.
2) Trevor Linden will personally deliver him the cheque and beat him with a disadvantaged child.
3) Messier will receive at no cost a collection of mint souvenir Vancouver hockey jerseys, all with the number 11 on them that have been blocking up the basement for the past 12 years.
4) They will give him the cheque if he goes back in time to 1994, Game 6, and not knee a fallen Linden in the head in the dying seconds, like a real man.
5) Instead of $6 million, he can have the Olympic monument delivered to his front yard so all the homeless in Vancouver can go on a pilgrimage and piss on it.
6) His choice of Sedin for his own personal reasons, no questions asked.
7) An all-expense paid vacation with Mike Keenan to visit the lovely Mayan Riviera right about December 12, 2012.
8) They will allow Messier to wash Stan Smyl's car instead while Stan continually points out that he missed a spot and that real captains lead their team in all categories; goals, assists, points, and penalty minutes.
9)  Alain Vigneault will allow him to observe practice, so he can learn how a coach creates a winning team by not being bullied by some bald-headed over-the-hill aging star, but instead being bullied by the goaltender.
10) Let him know that Todd Bertuzzi will walk him to his car because he will do whatever the coach tells him, says Vigneault with a knowing wink.