Saturday, 15 February 2014

The Olympics Day-Late Update Team Canada vs. Team Austria Entry #4

Drew Doughty Vs. The World 

Entry #4


TEAM CANADA AVOIDS NAIL-BITER IN NAIL-BITING WIN OVER TEAM AUSTRIA! 

(or)

PANDEMONIUM REIGNS AT JEFF CARTER'S AGENT'S HOUSE!


Team Austria's sweater strategy was interesting, but irrelevant.

The tension was evident on the Team Canada bench as their second game of the Olympics ended with the 26 NHL All-Stars of Canadian descent winning a squeaker against Team Austria, 6-0. The final winner was always in doubt up until the Olympics game schedule was announced months ago and if wasn't for the LA Kings' Jeff Carter scoring a hat-trick, the score would have been probably the same, if not higher, just with other players scoring.

"It wasn't easy," said Cory Perry, "I mean instead of passing the puck to one of us to score, Jeff would just shoot it in himself. That's a lot of pressure on the rest of us now to inflate our stats for our next contract negotiations. Jeff can just sit back and do what he does naturally, sit back."

Friday, 14 February 2014

The Olympics Day Late Update - Team Canada vs. Norway Entry #3

Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #3 



CANADA DESTROYS NORWAY IN OLYMPIC HOCKEY!
(or)
NHL ALL-STARS OBLITERATE MATS ZUCCARELLO AND FRIENDS
Team Canada upon hearing that Team Norway showed up for the game
 The defense of the Olympic gold medal in hockey started yesterday or today (I'm not familiar with the international date line) with Team Canada, perhaps the most dominant team ever, barring your fake EA NHL all-star team, taking on Norway. In a match reminiscent of the German blitzkrieg of Poland (who both coincidentally didn't qualify) the Canadian favourites devastated the self-esteem of the country best known for it's calendar content exports, 3-1.

self-esteem; Still OK.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

The Canadian Olympic Hockey Team Roster Entry #2


Drew Doughty Vs. The World
Entry #2 



I can't even begin to say how many times I have been out and about and heard 'Hey, you're Ogie Oglethorpe, aren't you? What do you think of the Olympic hockey roster?'. 

I find it interesting anyone cares of my opinion on anything hockey-related as I continually finish in last place in any hockey pool I join. Perhaps they want my advice before they go and bet against it. Heck, I probably would too. But in all fairness and critique to my commissioner, dynasty hockey pools suck if you start out losing. 

1st things 1st, I don't care about the Olympics. Not one bit. I'd rather Canada took pride in other, more important things such as leading the world in cancer cures or space exploration or alternative fuel sources or social health or righting economic inequity or the number of rescued dogs and cats than to take pride a Canadian won a medal with a 4 year time limit that states they were Doubles Moguls Half-Pipe Champion or one of the best in 2-man Figure skating, which even I know is 20% skill and 100% politics.  

It's a thing, I saw it on TV so it must be true.
That said, I am Canadian, I am male so I have to have a vested interest in hockey. It's in our Constitution, somewhere near the bottom with an addendum that follows on the back that now includes women's hockey. 

But I need something to write about, so I'm going to go back and review my own predictions for the Men's Hockey Team and see how I did. I wrote about it here, back in August when all of Canada came in from the Lake and watched the roster announcements with bated breath, clutching their Canada flags. These picks were obviously before the TSN/Earth shocking news of Steve Stamkos injury and his super-human attempt to defy the laws of nature and bone structure to return in time for the Olympics. 

So how did I do, Ogie?

Monday, 10 February 2014

5 Things Not To Do On A Talk Show (12)

rehash from a previous article. Saved for posterity...


You finally made it to the big leagues for whatever culturally relevant thing you have wanted to bring to the masses, be it your movie, music, love of being nobody relevant; the TV wasteland awaits you. Your publicist has arranged a few choice outings to go and ‘get your name out there’ but did your publicist provide a guideline of what you can and cannot do in front of a television camera? Probably not. Or maybe they did. It depends if your publicist is your mom’s best friend or a professional mover and shaker.

If it’s the former, no worries. WhatCulture has you covered with these 5 basic rules that have been established through time immemorial (so about, 1976) in regards to how you should act when your persona is being beamed out through the cosmos through a magical process that has yet to be scientifically explained or proven but in which we take for granted happens. That is the magic of television; we really have no true idea what is going on, just what it shows us.

Lessons for when you become famous;

Sunday, 2 February 2014

8 TV Shows that Should Have Quit While They Were Still Amazing.

Another retro-post placed in my blog for posterity. Ironically, WC has now started offering the equivalent of 70 cents for every 1000 views for new lists. If I only waited a year, this article could have netted me $22.45...however I would lost copyright on it and could never be allowed to publish on my own blog. So, i guess this is $22 well spent. Enjoy, comments always welcome.


WhatCulture has already talked about a few shows that have jumped the shark or should have quit while they were ahead here and here. So consider this an ongoing series of shows that aren’t necessarily shows that should have been cancelled but more shows that became victims of their own success or shortcomings.

The early seasons of these shows are what made them what they are today, which unfortunately is usually just a shallow imitation of their early years. Perhaps you could split these series up like Law & Order; one half is the set up for all that made these shows great, and the second half is the semi-lame reason why some people just consider these shows ‘okay’.

8. Californication


californication

Must watch Seasons 1-4
Or just start watching from Season 5 and pretend you totally get it.

David Duchovny was absolutely born to play the role of Hank Moody, a New York literary libertarian turned Hollywood wannabe screenwriter. The first four seasons are a hilarious X-rated romp through the libido (and liver) of Hank who basically drinks constantly and screws every woman he meets in LA despite trying to win back the love of his soul-mate Karen and their daughter Becky.

The first four seasons of Californication follow a tremendous, well-detailed story arc that starts with Hank bedding the under-aged daughter of his ex-wife’s new fiance and with the threat of this underage rape hanging over his career manages to maintain your interest for four seasons. Helping matters is the intense sexual comedy that Californication provides. The tight cast of Hank, Karen and best friends the Runkels plus an amazing assortment of guest stars such as Callum Keith Rennie as a Phil Spector-like party animal/music producer, Katherine Turner as Runkel’s sexually harrassing boss, Rick Springfield as himself plus some of LA’s best breasts leads to some of the best adult-oriented comedy I’ve seen that doesn’t pander down to the audience’s intelligence. What other show has someone go down on a woman ‘by accident’ or show a threesome with someone (Hank) obviously not really in the moment, not that it matters.

At the end of season four, it ends perfectly; the story arc started in the first episode is finally resolved and all story arcs come to an end in a way befitting the entire series. In Season 4′s final shot  Hank is seen driving off in the sunset in true Hollywood fashion and there could be no better way to end the show.

BUT…

Sadly, most likely due to it’s immense success and the all-important ratings, Californication was brought back to a shadow of it’s previous self, despite having all the main characters again. Season 5 tried to start the series anew, scripting a 3 year absence from LA for Hank Moody who once again comes back and tries to reassert himself into Karen and Becky’s life.
It’s difficult to re-invest in a series that ended so perfectly after Season 4. It’s like your best friend has left you to pursue their life in the big city, leaving you sitting alone at the pub nursing a pint then to discover them 2 months later sitting once again on the barstool beside you. It’s that scene between Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting where Ben finally tells Matt that he hopes one day he won’t be there to be picked up to go to his bad job. Hank Moody was/is your best friend who was never going to be the one to stick around and that was okay.