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| In hindsight, the PA announcer shouldn't have started playing "Riot" by Three Days Grace. |
First off, on behalf of all of the province of Vancouver I
apologize for the lackluster effort put forth by the Canucks in refusing to win
16 straight games to win their first Stanley Cup for the third time. We can only blame Roberto Luongo for so
long for failing to win the cup in 012,
94, or 82 where i heard he actually didn't even watch one game of the
FINALS because he was busy playing with his GI Joe action figures.
Not saying that Canuck fans are still feeling burned by last
year's debacle, but I'd go so far as to suggest that as you read this, someone
is working on building a time machine to go back to 1978 and shout 'Luongo
sucks' at his parents as they were copulating so that he would never grow up to
become a professional goaltender, thereby not disappointing the entire Canuck
nation by not stopping each and every goddamn puck that was sent his way by
someone in a Boston Bruin sweater.
In all reality i would have nothing against Luongo if he
played on any team but the Canucks however let's face it, Vancouver is like the Toronto Maple Leafs of
goaltending. It's where good goaltenders
go get verbally assaulted by scrawny or overweight sports reporters that are
breathing heavily just holding their microphones up. Vancouver is a black hole that sucks up
talent and morale and leaves an empty husk of a man; it is the Jennifer Lopez of NHL cities.
But it's summer and the only hockey news right now is when
and where is Luongo going to take the remaining decade of his luuuu-crative
contract. Some dreamers (read
Torontonians) want him to don the blue and white so that they could find
out if it's theoretically possible for someone to have two assholes torn into
them by their rabid fans. I have on good authority that Luongo is hoping to be
moved somewhere where he's not expected to have a .990 save percentage, cure
leprosy and personally escort every fan to their seat before the game so hello...
Florida. Considered a favourite for no other reason than
that's where his wife is from and nobody will know him. Toronto is considered a favourite because that's where Brian Burke is and Vancouver desperately wants
to pay them back for that whole Mats Sundin thing. Plus, Toronto fans mistakenly believe everybody wants to play for them despite the one glaring fact they then would be playing for the Toronto Maple Leafs.
So while Cory Schneider gleefully wrings his hands at being
given the opportunity to crack under pressure once Luongo leaves, all i can say
is that i don't blame the guy. I mean
after all, he won 75% of his games last year against sub .500 teams. And he very nearly won 2 whole games against
the eventual Stanley Cup winning LA Kings. Plus this year he will find out who the hell this Jason Garrison guy is
that everyone is talking about.
We all know goals wins games so in a perfect and sane hockey
world (usually only found in my hockey pool), Roberto Luongo goes to Columbus
for Rick Nash. Columbus gets a decent
goalie that most of Ohio will have no expectations of and Nash gets to play for
a team that already has at least 6 other scapegoats to blame when they don't
win the cup again next year. It's a
win-win.
In unrelated news, Canada's social health care system
breathed a sigh of relief in hearing that Sami Salo has decided to head to
Tampa Bay to join their IR list.
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