And Now for Something Lightly Different...

So now that we are in the lull of the 3rd round, where at least 2 games have been played and we know which way the wind is blowing in regards to the Stanley Cup and who is going to be playing Chicago and [SPOILER ALERT] it looks to be Boston.

This is my take of a typical 7 game series. Then after this, I will throw in a review of the new movie 'the Internship' coming out soon in 2005 which really underlines the difficulties of movie-making a current topic with current actors. Especially if that topic and actors were current 8 years ago, like Jarome Iginla.

But first;

and you question if the $500 ticket was worth it.

Game 1 - This game is the most important game of the series. It establishes the tone of the series. If the home team wins, that's good. If they lose, they have lost home ice advantage which means that they could be kicked out of the playoffs in a hostile town many miles from home. Everybody is amped up and people at the game are trying to figure out who the important numbers are to watch, according to their handyman.

Game 2 - This game is the most important game of the series. If the home team has won both games, sports announcers everywhere will start telling you the odds of the other team coming back and beating them 4 times without home ice advantage. If the home team loses both games, they may very well be up Shit Creek or as Penquins fans like to call it 'What's Happening Right Now'..

Game 3 - This game is the most important game of the series. If the series is tied, one team now goes up one game. If one team has already won the first 2 games, they may as well start reserving Stanley Cup tickets. If this is the first win for a team, the series just got a bit more interesting which makes....

I am angry, happy, sad and confused right now
because it is only Game 4.

Game 4 - This game is the most important of the series. If a team has already won 3 games, this game gives the coach a chance to let some other players try to score some goals. If one team is up 2 games to 1, this game 'pushes the (blank) to elimination' and creates all sorts of cliche 'do or die' quotes before the next game which is more important. If the other team wins, the series is tied at 2-2 and makes the first four games moot and instead the playoffs become a best of three, which is much more exciting for everyone especially the team owners and local scalpers.

Game 5 - This game is most important because there should be no more fucking around if your team has already won 3 games. You don't want to let the other team start thinking they have a chance (see Detroit, round 2) and it's best for everyone concerned you just finish the series off so you can watch some of the NBA playoffs. Of course, if the series is tied 2 games apiece, this game makes the next game a winner take all scenario, which is awesome depending on if it is the visiting or home team with the lead. It's like having a head start in winning.

I'm sad but my annual net worth just went up $200,000

Game 6 - This game is the most important because if the series-leading team loses, it forces a Game 7 which causes massive erections for all hockey fans and analysts. One mistake can be all the difference and the referees try not to be the ones to point those mistakes out, which leads to lots of booing and cheering, depending on which team is on the receiving end of the not-called near decapitation infraction. There may be some crying involved by one of the team's marketing departments.

Game 7 - Holy Shit, this game is the most important because the winner makes the other team cry in front of thousands as they realize that they were so close to being in the Stanley Cup Finals but failed to seal the deal in what would now be considered the biggest game of their lives (if they were on the losing team).

Fuck'n still? Get over it, Vancouver...

It could be the closest some players ever get to the Stanley Cup as the team chemistry that got them this far is all but destroyed in the off-season by nosy general managers, cap-wielding accountants and greedy agents. The winning team receives a historical trophy that was once considered a great achievement but has since become a superstitious rite in itself of 'touch or don't touch'. If the home team wins it, there is much rejoicing, if the home team loses and the team is Canadian, there is a good chance of a riot (so no worries again this year). 

And now about that movie I was mentioning...

Well played, Onion, well played.