Hockey's over. Bring on the CFL (Primer edition)

One word 3 syllables (2 if you are from Newfoundland); sea-eff-ull.

The Canadian Football League. Canada's summer sport. The hidden jewel of the North, a place where grown men are allowed to wear tight pants and try to hurt each other for probably less than what you make annually.  It's a league where you only get 3 downs to make 10 yards, there's a crazy amount of ways to get points, there's an extra man on the field, you play for North America's oldest trophy, the Grey Cup, and lastly - you have bigger balls. That's the CFL in one paragraph.

It's that other sport that falls far back of Canada's radar while the Stanley Cup Playoffs are on, falling somewhere behind the Toronto Blue Jays and just ahead of competitive hot dog eating (which were both featured on tonight's sports highlights). Apparently we are already into Week 3 of the CFL so we have some catching up to do.

Most know it as 'the other football league' where if you can't make it in the NFL or at the least on their practice rosters it's where you hope to keep the dream alive enough to not move to Europe where legend has it another NFL existed (or still exists).


Maybe you are one of the growing number that have turned away from the NHL and are looking for cheaper, more local/patriotic entertainment. Maybe you are an unemployed American football player who came to Canada to try out a little of the local marijuana and not get shot for being black. Or maybe you are just killing time waiting for the bus and a poster caught your eye. Maybe you are just waiting for the NHL comes back or at the very least opens up Training Camp, which is probably next week.

Here is a quick test or study primer for the 8 teams that make up the CFL (and the alphabet):

The CFL (Level 1)

  

This is 

A) the letter B.

B) the original shield of Captain America.

C) the logo of the Toronto Argonauts (which literally means 'boat people').

D) the logo of last year's Grey Cup champions, The Toronto A's, according to proud Torontonians trying to forget about that epic collapse against Boston in Game 7.  Good luck with that.

This is
A) the best example of how not to use the shadow effect with the letter E.
B) the patch of the last independent gas station owned in Alberta.
C) the logo of the Edmonton Eskimos, where you are officially as far north as you can go to play football without being tackled by an actual eskimo.
D) the defending Grey Cup champions, according to people in Edmonton who don't know Wayne Gretzky was traded.

This is
A) the letters D and E.
B) the only time you may say 'hey, you look good in orange' to someone.
C) the logo of the BC Lions, who's PR people hang up the phone whenever you point out that it looks more like a cougar than a lion.
D) the defending Grey Cup Champions, according to people who ride public transit in BC.

This is
A) The letter T.
B) the logo of one of four teams named the Roughriders, the others located in Ottawa, Halifax and Medicine Hat.
C) the logo of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, which also automatically makes any chick wearing this jersey and/or logo infinitely hotter to every Canadian dude on the planet, says every Canadian dude on the planet
D) Should always be The Defending Grey Cup Champions, according to every Canadian who has at least a passing knowledge of the CFL.

This is

A) a symbolic logo of a pouncing tiger, which would might be pretty scary if this was India. But it's not.  

B) is the only recorded time the word 'cat' is used after Tiger because Hamiltonites need clear, concise descriptions. 

C) the logo of the Hamilton Tiger Cats and to be clear they added the word football although there is shit-all else to do in Hamilton and see (B).

D) the defending Grey Cup champions, said no CFL football fan, ever.

This is
A) the letter M, upside down.
B) the pride of Manitoba, which is why it is upside down.
C) the logo of the Winnipeg Blue Bombers, because nobody gets they are named after a type of Prairie fly and not some cool military plane from World War 2.
D) the Defending Grey Cup Champions, says that one guy in the pub who may actually have been in World War 2 but he's cool so you agree with him.

This is
A) the logo from the beta version of Angry Birds.
B) a sign that you are in the wrong part of the stadium and/or Canada.
C) the logo of the Montreal Alouettes which literally either means 'World's Oldest Quarterback'.
D) the Defending Grey Cup Champions says everyone from Quebec, if you could understand them.

This is

A) a ghost horse

B) a sign that there may be an off-chance there will be a colouring contest for season tickets one day.

C) the logo of the Calgary Stampeders, who cut costs any way possible, like refusing to use colour ink for their printer.

D) the Defending Grey Cup Champions plead crying Calgarians who are still in shock Jarome Iginla doesn't live there anymore. 

Next post, the 8 Biggest Names of the League! (Suggestions welcome)