Retro Files

From the Retro Files; Feb 15, 2015, back when FB had a blog-like option. 

Random too long TV rant for a status update.

Reasons why I hate TV #26



On those rare occassions I have access to cable (like right now at work), it's even more rare that I find something worth watching. But when I do, it's like tonight's Catch-22. On one channel is and episode of Parks and Recreation called Time Capsule and it's about a man named Kelly who wants to add Twilight to the town's yet-to-be buried Time Capsule. On another channel is an episode of South Park called Lice Capades; a story of a village of lice that are wiped out due to lice shampoo. That story also features a lice named Kelly.

It's so hard to decide I keep having to flip between the two, thereby only catching 1/2 of each story. They are both great stories and great examples of a genre i just was informed of "Absurdist Fiction". So help make that a thing.

Plus, in an odd coincidence they both mention Angelina Jolie. I couldn't take the remote possibility of having to decide between two excellent shows happening again so I had to shut it down for the rest of the night. Also, Global was showing the Premiere episode of Saturday Night Live back in 1975 but was calling it a repeat but as usual, there were too many commercials so I saw none of it.

On my other semi-secret project. I am hitting .333. I was surprised at how much i am enjoying it.
oh well, off to work and write and kill zombies (not in that order).

Kelly trying to save her baby

Kelly trying to save Twilight

On my mark(eting), get set, GO

 

Random afternoon thoughts in no particular order as they come to me...

I've received my 10th rejection for Flies, I think that's enough. I'll just self-publish. I don't think 10 or 100 copies will make much of a difference in the big picture; I will still need to work another job. The movie deal will have to wait, I guess. 

In the meantime, I've also rewritten Karmageddon, which despite my best attempts, actually increased by 500 words. I've changed some names which have always bothered me, added some finer details which I didn't think I'd be d
oing. Basic editing, I guess. 

I just finished putting a call-out on my loyal FB fan page, asking if anyone is interested in reading an advance copy for review. 

What writers don't think of is the turn-around involved in books; I read a post where the author states it's a 12 month turnaround time. Crazy! But, on the other side, also not. 

I've looked into substack, booktok, hosting a wix site, wattpad, medium, patreon. They all have their benefits, all require a lot of time and dedication, which I don't have. So I guess I will just keep chipping away. I've joined Blue Sky, which I guess is like Twitter but less 'bot'-y. 

I'm still stuck on my #U2? dystopian sci-fi legal thriller's 3rd act, the book itself is clocking in at WAY too many words (155,000) at last count. I think I could break it down into 3 novellas but again, need the time. Once I push out Karmageddon and Flies, I'll punish myself by taking another go at that.  

I've also found many of my hand-written short stories. I'd like to put those down on hard-drive somewhere for posterity. Again, time and dedication is my weakness. Did I mention finances? Those are also my weakness.  

What about new writing? I ask myself. 

Thank you for taking an interest, I reply. 

I keep having random philosophical thoughts that I'd like to explore but they're big picture thoughts that are hard to write into little sentences. I have one line about depression that is sticking with me; Depression is like always feeling you are two sentences away from crying. I feel like that a lot, which is why the line is sticking with me.  

I have an idea about a book that's a fun read but too high-brow (for me) so I want to dumb it down a bit. I also want to rewrite my wrestling epic, Duff Ragwell and His Amazing Channel Changer, someday. Retitle it 1994 (no relation), perhaps.

Anyways, that's all I got for now. Thanks for reading, future me.  

 

Done! (Again)ng

Nobody really to brag to about this-especially as nobody is really waiting for it. But it took me another six months of sporadic editing, delayed by summer to trim Flies down about 2800 words. Sure it's tighter, and I've changed some names but will it shoot me up the best-seller list? Nope. 

And I see that there is another SPA in my neighbourhood; more chick-lit. I'm torn because I'm happy for them of course. They're completing what they love doing. Sorry, they have completed what they love doing...20 books so far. Crazy! Congrats to her for doing what she does. But back to me. 

So yeah, I've finished Flies...again. Should I resubmit, wait another 6 months? I still have no idea how to sell this. 'it's a murder mystery told from three different points of view, told in three different points of view." 

That's actually pretty good. I should add sex in there somewhere. It would be fun if i could make it subtle, like ItS EXciting to read or ... I'll have to think about it. 

Anyways, but the writing gets me on my old stuff that I would like to put out there before I die. That would be nice. I'm never going to be a KV jr or Doug Copeland but I do enjoy their stuff. If only there were no bills in my life, what could have happened?

At least my secret blog is still there until that website goes the way of MySpace and LiveJournal. It has lasted through a lot of temptations from other sites; wordpress, wattpad... a few others I already forget. The newest one is this linktr.ee which I'm going to study up on now. Perhaps with my operation laying me up for a week, I'll get organized.

Until then, I'll ponder what to do with Flies. 

Here's a start of a spur of the moment query letter:

To Whom it May Concern

I'm submitting an 84000 word murder mystery told from three different points of view, told in three different points of view. The victims are teen sex offenders, plucked out of a residential treatment program meant to correct these young individuals' sexual predator instincts before they are released back into society, their minority age allowing them to avoid being registered as sex offenders. 

The three 'protagonists' are Detective Doug Bennett, a shunned detective whose marriage is breaking up after his son was found guilty of sexual molestation and is in the program the victims are from. Reed Fontaine, whose sister is missing in Thailand as he stays at home, caring for his aging, abusive father while working in a local group home that provides shelter for boys attending the treatment program. Johnny Taylor provides a foster home to kids in the program. His wife has left him over arguments about his job caring for sex offenders and their inability to have a baby. 

Their stories intertwine throughout the week as their paths cross, tensions mount, and accusations are made. Flies of Our Fathers looks at the damage caused by generational trauma from a male perspective and some of the problems and solutions needed to help sons and fathers be the best humans they can be.  

Something like that. I added a fresher version on my facebook page. Anyways, time for bed. 

September already?

 Yep. Whoop-ee-dee-doo.

I spent exactly 2 hours editing Flies since the end of June. And both those hours were yesterday. A busy fucking summer of renovating our bathroom. I think I spent about 4 days not in there working on some part of it, excluding the days going family camping. From experience I didn't even take my computer to work on it, knowing the chances of that happening were fucking slim to none. And i even forgot to write Father's Day letters to the kids this year, which admittedly was in June but ya fucked up.  

But now I'm editing the Thursdays, so only 6 more chapters to go; I've trimmed 2500 words, changed one suspect's name from Thomas Flowers to Cosmos St. Thomas, as I had some weird segue in there from Holly bushes and I couldn't clarify on the Internet if Holygyn (the old English name for Holly) meant prick. I also got rid of Johnny's drinking problem and re-worked his arguement with his ex-wife, who I think is named... Missy? Maddy? Hold up, i gotta check...Ashley. Her name is Ashley now, an Easter Egg from Evil Dead, if that is such a thing. 

Anyways, just an update that nobody cares about but future me. 

Hi bro - how far did you get in binging Always Sunny? You're on S3 now so don't say that hasn't helped distract you from the writing. Sacrifices, buddy. Sacrifices. And finish that fucking dolphin book. 

 Where did the time go? 

How did this get to be May already? My last round of query letters have now gone the full 6 months with no replies. That sucks. I've been becoming increasingly cynical of all the FB/Reddit groups I'm in; there seem to be only 3 or 4 subjects; How do I write my memoir? Who will publish my memoir? I'm so happy I published my memoir, how do i self-publish (or some variation of).

I feel ashamed that I'm part of these groups and more recently have been wanting to express my self-loathing on being on these sites, wanting the same thing all these people want; to be read. 

And I'm sitting with a novel ready to go, sitting in Kindle for the last 2 months, waiting for me to pull the fucking trigger and just press publish. Why am i so hesitant to just put it out there? Probably because I'm over 50 now and I don't want to be considered a 'senior' writer? I don't know. 

Plus, who really reads this shit anyways. I saw a therapist 5x at the start of this year. He ended it, not me. I wound up crying every time I saw him. Typical suicidal thoughts. 1st time, I told him I wouldn't call him if I decided to do it- I think that's when he realized I was really in trouble. 2nd time, he wound up crying. 3rd time, he tried to get me to find my happy place, i couldn't and he literally said 'oh oh' as I started bawling. We had a 10 day break after that. 4th time, he told me the next time would be the last time and on that 5th and last time, I barely cried which I guess we/he considered good enough.

So here I am. I'm still working on the dolphin rapist thing. It's pretty big; 180,000 words (est) so I'm trying to cut it down and I cut out this huge chunk but I'm reconsidering as of course, it ties to the end. I'm also confused as to if it's funny or not. People have been raped by dolphins. That's not funny. But it is. But it isn't. 

Anyways, here's a picture of an evil dolphin for the likes.