Done! (Again)ng

Nobody really to brag to about this-especially as nobody is really waiting for it. But it took me another six months of sporadic editing, delayed by summer to trim Flies down about 2800 words. Sure it's tighter, and I've changed some names but will it shoot me up the best-seller list? Nope. 

And I see that there is another SPA in my neighbourhood; more chick-lit. I'm torn because I'm happy for them of course. They're completing what they love doing. Sorry, they have completed what they love doing...20 books so far. Crazy! Congrats to her for doing what she does. But back to me. 

So yeah, I've finished Flies...again. Should I resubmit, wait another 6 months? I still have no idea how to sell this. 'it's a murder mystery told from three different points of view, told in three different points of view." 

That's actually pretty good. I should add sex in there somewhere. It would be fun if i could make it subtle, like ItS EXciting to read or ... I'll have to think about it. 

Anyways, but the writing gets me on my old stuff that I would like to put out there before I die. That would be nice. I'm never going to be a KV jr or Doug Copeland but I do enjoy their stuff. If only there were no bills in my life, what could have happened?

At least my secret blog is still there until that website goes the way of MySpace and LiveJournal. It has lasted through a lot of temptations from other sites; wordpress, wattpad... a few others I already forget. The newest one is this linktr.ee which I'm going to study up on now. Perhaps with my operation laying me up for a week, I'll get organized.

Until then, I'll ponder what to do with Flies. 

Here's a start of a spur of the moment query letter.

I'm submitting an 84000 word murder mystery told from three different points of view, told in three different points of view. The victims are teen sex offenders, plucked out of a residential treatment program meant to correct these young individuals' sexual predator instincts before they are released back into society, their minority age allowing them to avoid being registered as sex offenders. 

The three 'protagonists' are Detective Doug Bennett, a shunned detective whose marriage is breaking up after his son was found guilty of sexual molestation and is in the program the victims are from. Reed Fontaine, whose sister is missing in Thailand as he stays at home, caring for his aging, abusive father while working in a local group home that provides shelter for boys attending the treatment program. Johnny Taylor provides a foster home to kids in the program. His wife has left him over arguments about his job caring for sex offenders and their inability to have a baby. 

Their stories intertwine throughout the week as their paths cross, tensions mount, and accusations are made. Flies of Our Fathers looks at the damage caused by generational trauma from a male perspective and some of the problems and solutions needed to help sons and fathers be the best humans they can be.  

Something like that. I added a fresher version on my facebook page. Anyways, time for bed. 

September already?

 Yep. Whoop-ee-dee-doo.

I spent exactly 2 hours editing Flies since the end of June. And both those hours were yesterday. A busy fucking summer of renovating our bathroom. I think I spent about 4 days not in there working on some part of it, excluding the days going family camping. From experience I didn't even take my computer to work on it, knowing the chances of that happening were fucking slim to none. And i even forgot to write Father's Day letters to the kids this year, which admittedly was in June but ya fucked up.  

But now I'm editing the Thursdays, so only 6 more chapters to go; I've trimmed 2500 words, changed one suspect's name from Thomas Flowers to Cosmos St. Thomas, as I had some weird segue in there from Holly bushes and I couldn't clarify on the Internet if Holygyn (the old English name for Holly) meant prick. I also got rid of Johnny's drinking problem and re-worked his arguement with his ex-wife, who I think is named... Missy? Maddy? Hold up, i gotta check...Ashley. Her name is Ashley now, an Easter Egg from Evil Dead, if that is such a thing. 

Anyways, just an update that nobody cares about but future me. 

Hi bro - how far did you get in binging Always Sunny? You're on S3 now so don't say that hasn't helped distract you from the writing. Sacrifices, buddy. Sacrifices. And finish that fucking dolphin book. 

 Where did the time go? 

How did this get to be May already? My last round of query letters have now gone the full 6 months with no replies. That sucks. I've been becoming increasingly cynical of all the FB/Reddit groups I'm in; there seem to be only 3 or 4 subjects; How do I write my memoir? Who will publish my memoir? I'm so happy I published my memoir, how do i self-publish (or some variation of).

I feel ashamed that I'm part of these groups and more recently have been wanting to express my self-loathing on being on these sites, wanting the same thing all these people want; to be read. 

And I'm sitting with a novel ready to go, sitting in Kindle for the last 2 months, waiting for me to pull the fucking trigger and just press publish. Why am i so hesitant to just put it out there? Probably because I'm over 50 now and I don't want to be considered a 'senior' writer? I don't know. 

Plus, who really reads this shit anyways. I saw a therapist 5x at the start of this year. He ended it, not me. I wound up crying every time I saw him. Typical suicidal thoughts. 1st time, I told him I wouldn't call him if I decided to do it- I think that's when he realized I was really in trouble. 2nd time, he wound up crying. 3rd time, he tried to get me to find my happy place, i couldn't and he literally said 'oh oh' as I started bawling. We had a 10 day break after that. 4th time, he told me the next time would be the last time and on that 5th and last time, I barely cried which I guess we/he considered good enough.

So here I am. I'm still working on the dolphin rapist thing. It's pretty big; 180,000 words (est) so I'm trying to cut it down and I cut out this huge chunk but I'm reconsidering as of course, it ties to the end. I'm also confused as to if it's funny or not. People have been raped by dolphins. That's not funny. But it is. But it isn't. 

Anyways, here's a picture of an evil dolphin for the likes. 

 

 

Yes, I am still not famous.

 
On query letters, podcasts and fatherhood

I've been spending some time listening to a podcast on writing, where three women critique query letters by hopeful writers. I've liked and hated it; the letters are basically all follow the same format; here's my genre, my word count, what the story is about and who the comparables are (meaning similar books). Blah blah blah about the arc of the story, a little bit about me to humanize me and the first 5 pages of a manuscript are critiqued. 

I'm in a love/hate mood with it. First I don't love that of the 10 critiques I've listened to, every query letter has been by women. Second, I don't love that (spoiler) I sent out 5 intro letters to my top five specific agents a three weeks ago and not a word. I hesitate to call them query letters as they weren't for one book specifically, but a pitch for all of them. I also don't love that none of those intro letters were like what these ladies would want. 

I do love most of the advice; clock in around 400 words; careful of comparing yourself to 'famous' authors, which is a bit difficult because I like to read the more tried and true. I'm no Kurt Vonnegut but I sure am influenced by him. Grab the reader at the start, show character arcs in your summary.

Anyways, the podcast has given me some ambition to look at my marketing again. The only one I feel is a slam-dunk of a one-liner is my current manuscript but the way it's going, it won't be for another year at least. 

Which brings me to a short topic about prioritizing and fatherhood. 

I annually hate myself when my birthday roles around, reminding me of pledge I made when I was 40 to get published. It's 12 years later and I still haven't achieved that goal. I totally get that a lot of it is on me; nobody is rushing to find someone who isn't making it easy to find. But a small epiphany- part of this delay in life goals is, yes, fear of success but it is also the responsibility of parenting. 

I spent an hour today teaching my 10 year old how to play Risk, 30 minutes of him explaining a detailed map he drew. We made Kraft Dinner together. Last night, my 14 year old asked me to sit with her on the couch and we watched TV (9-9!) for a couple of hours. I've spent hours this summer ripping up weeds and replanting my lawn as it gave me a sense of completion and honestly, will make our home look better as my wife and I grow older here. Nobody else was going to do it. I've also spent many hours not with the kids, doing other things to avoid writing, which is such a cliche but it's true. It's so easy not to write and I hate myself when I don't, when I listen to podcasts of others who are that much closer than I am, Some were mothers and I wonder how their support system is; where their kids are. I read Danielle Steele has nine kids and has written 94 books. That sounds impossible on both counts. Nine kids? Where does she find the time to be a mother. Then I think, she likely doesn't. Now I've never read any of her books and likely never will but I'm envious of her output.  That's a dedication to the art I simply don't have in me.   

Yes, I could have used all those hours to write, not write, promote myself, draft query letters, get closer to my dream. Instead, I CHOSE (and I have to remember this) to be a good father, dad, husband. They come first, usually always come first and that is nothing to be ashamed of. No matter how litle I write in a day or week.

Families are what we make them.    

My Next WoP/Passion Project

 

Everyone has some type of passion project. For me, my passion is not finishing my passion project. But I am working on it. 

We all need dreams. I've rekindled mine of sorts, been spending a few hours a day over the last two weeks trying to print out this mess of a dystopian legal thriller novel which I envisioned over a year and a half ago. I know this because, thanks to Google Docs, it keeps a version history of my works in progress. 

I think I found the original seed of this epic novel; it's from Jan 7, 2022. Over a year and a half ago. Crazy. 

It is a meeting of potential sexual assault victims to create consensus of filing a lawsuit against a dolphin and the company that manages it. A lot of the original guts is there; five victims, an official rep from the company, at the time called Playa De Blanca; it's now a global vacation conglomerate called Great Holidays. 

Two nights ago I night-dreamed of finding out the names of the agents of my top 10 favourite contemporary authors and sending off a query letter for representation. I had a good start in my head to the letter; giving two examples of roads to success, the one told to Michael J. Fox by his father when he wanted to become an actor and the one told to Kermit the Frog by Gonzo in the original Muppet Movie when he wanted to do the same thing. 

I'm basically the Great Gonzo of writing. 

It was a good letter in my head. Here's hoping I will follow up on it. But first, edit and print one more chapter, which was really the first chapter i ever wrote and is now tentatively Chapter 18 of many...