This is the opening sentence which is supposed to hook you and make you read on. It should be click-baity or something. Maybe have 'you won't believe what happens next' as the title.
So I'm going to throw a number at you and you won't believe what happens next.
730,000.
That's how many times my articles on the Internet have been viewed.
At least. Don't know how many were robots or people but even if it was 50-50, that is a pretty impressive number.
My books/short stories have been downloaded by 600 plus people via smashwords or kindle for their ereaders or cell phones. Technology. However, I have to clear a couple thousand ebooks or old-fashioned paper books on Amazon before I'd see a royalty check but I'm not in it for the money, although that would be nice.
After this blog post is published, one of you lucky bastards will be my 40,000th reader to this blog alone.
I should feel something about that. But i don't.
Maybe it is because I didn't get paid to write any of the above.
Maybe because I don't consider Internet reading as being 'writing' but more 'content providing'. If it isn't on paper, there is no truth to it but damn, that's a funny picture.
I don't know. But despite my lack of posts in recent weeks, it has not been because of lack of wanting. I've been busy. I got fired from a go-nowhere job a couple months ago. That hit me harder than it should have. I am now in the running for a different job that still does not pay me to write. However, logically it is a wise decision.
But when do writers do the logical thing? Writers, by definition, aren't logical. They are impulsive, needy, withholding, selfish, awkward, self-righteous chameleons.
Yet I am going through the motions; I won't deny that what I've written won't change the world but I did have fun writing it. I know this because when I start to write time changes around me. Ten minutes somehow becomes one hour. One hour turns out to be three. I have a love/hate relationship because nothing I write will ever be good enough for the future me despite present me thinking i should win a fucking Nobel prize for this clever shit.
Other reasons for lack of social media public relating as an author;
I also got married - to a woman who gives me the same feeling when I write. We have known each other for eight years yet she hasn't aged a day. It still doesn't feel like we've been together a year yet, much less nearly a decade. My only advice on this is if you're not keeping a timer on your relationship, you are probably doing something right.
Before the wedding i was writing a sequel to Enter A Fistful of Marijuana - that has flat-lined for the last month as I try to figure out some plot holes.
I also started creating a new website which according to most social media self-publishing groups is something I should do. It's been slow as I can hear the clock ticking away every minute, something I never hear when I am writing.
Maybe one day I will finish it.
We also went to Nelson, BC a few weeks ago. Nelson was the inspiration for my 1st novel Stoner, Unincorporated. Seeing the town again after 15 years made me want to go re-edit Stoner Uninc. again so I have been doing that between fatherly and husband duties (with some poor-me gaming going on as well).
They say when you edit your first time, you should cut 20%. I have re-read a quarter of Stoner and my word count is currently only 400 less than when I started... so basically, there hasn't been much I've wanted to change, which I think is a good sign.
There is also a saying writers should 'show and don't tell' which I'm finding is kind of bullshit. I'm reading Gone Girl and the author has done a good job of mixing the two (ie; using a diary in the voice of the 1st person is a way of telling the reader backstory). Stoner, Uninc. has a lot of telling in it but as I read it (again) I'd have it no other way. But that bit of wisdom has made me question if Stoner is really any good but it will always be my favourite, as it was my first.
When I am done, I will re-publish it, making the current version another collector's edition decades down the line if you are into that type of investing.
Then after that perhaps I will chip away at this stupid romance story that I've been molding for 20 years. Or maybe this serial killer genre thriller which has only been sitting in my computer for 8 years. Or maybe go back to EaFoM 2. Or publish another personal favourite from Ogie Oglethorpe: Drew Doughty Vs. The World (why is it so hard to format footnotes when you try to self-publish?).
Or maybe I will just say fuck it and do what is logical; stop dreaming of that perfect world where my books make someone enough money they want to give me 'advance moneys' for something I haven't written yet. Perhaps one day I will hear my books have been optioned by Matt Damon or Seth Rogen. Instead I will just be happy with the job I get until the magic happens.
I don't know how magic happens.
But it is around me every day. I am surrounded by supportive people and generous readers who have taken a few minutes to read my 'Internet content' or the books. I appreciate everyone who tells me if they enjoyed my writing and/or content providing. I have children who amuse the crap out of me and some days I have trouble picturing what it would be like to be gone from them 40 hours a week, to only see them sporadically on weekends and around the dinner table. That will be a hard adjustment when the time comes. Right now, it is past midnight, everyone is asleep and it is the best time for writing but... tomorrow morning comes sooner than I'd like and being a parent means you forfeit your right to sleep past 8 am (update; apparently 7 am on this morning), no matter what time you fall asleep.
In the end, I feel quite proud of most everything I have published, even some forgotten ones that come back to me on Facebook memories. They all have their own unique qualities, subtle jokes and outrageous premises. I'm tired of tapping on links that are as easy to erase as it was to open them.
So back to those 730,000. It's a big, nice number but overall, meaningless. The only readers I care about are you and the guy staring back at me in the mirror. He's a tough critic.
Until next time - jay
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