A Real Letter From An Underemployed Me, 2004

- I found this in the draft folder of an old email account. Its a mass email I sent out to all my old contacts/friends at the time bFB (before Facebook). Some of you who read this may still remember it because I do some name-dropping in it when I was a DGC locations assistant. I find reading it sort of funny if you are into that sort of thing. 

And this was apparently before it was okay to only have 1 space after a period as I'm double-spacing every sentence. 

Thanks, public education. 

Hey [insert name here]


For the interest of nobody but me, I’m going to be adding in 10 80s trivia questions to make this letter more interactive. You’ll get the idea as we go along.

So, how y’all been doing? Listening to a lot of Bonnie Tyler? (what were her two hit songs in the eighties?)

It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything, or so it seems. Mainly, I just don’t recall the last time I wrote, so if some of this is repetitive, please forgive me. I’ve been having a great, surreal October, which is how I know most of you describe knowing me. (What famous rock band had an early album called October?)

I’ve met a host of strange people this year, some even more strange than you. Bif Naked, Terence Stamp, Quentin Tarantino to drop just a few names. (In what movie did Terence Stamp play the evil General Zog?)

Yep, I met the big Q, who I would say weighs a bit more than me, thank you very much to all those parents that have recently commented on my ‘overly healthy body’. Can I help it if these people insist on putting free food in front of me for 15 hours a day? Although technically there is no such concept as a coffee break, for our days our more like a long coffee break interrupted by occasional work, it is somewhat odd to know that when you feel like grabbing a snack, you can just wander over to the table where the chocolate fondue is set up. Or maybe go have some perogies or hot dogs. So, anyway, there I am across the snack table from Quentin TARANTINO and I (being somewhat of a film buff, FYI) ask him if he has ever tried a Nutella and banana sandwich. I wanted to ask him why he beeped out the name of the bride in Kill Bills for 3/4s of the movie, but what can I say… I’m an idiot. (What Tarantino actor once starred in the memorable 80’s movie Look Who’s Talking?)

In case you think that my life is nothing but glamour, I will continue to let you think so. I won’t tell you about waking up at 4am , sitting underneath bridges watching junkies shoot up, or putting equal parts oil and gasoline in my truck. The Iraq war? That’s all because of my truck. Sorry, everyone. (What country did the USA successfully invade in the 80’s to much better success?)

Besides my Tarantino comment, I am probably most proud that upon seeing Ben Affleck. I got the opportunity to tell him he ‘was the bomb in Phantoms’. For those of you who don’t get that joke, you have to watch Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. (What planet were the Ewoks from in Return of the Jedi?)

I’ve been working on the new Muppet movie, a take off of Wizard of Oz, with a young pop star named Ashanti in the lead role of Dorothy. It’s been fascinating watching everyone at work, and it’s encouraging to see that I am on the younger end of the age range, being in my late 20’s. So, for those of you that think that you (or me) are too old to work with puppets, there is a whole sub-culture that begs to differ. (How old was I when Top Gun came out?)

It’s been also amazing watching the interaction of the muppets with the children that come and visit. There was one girl the other day that asked if Miss Piggy was going to come and have lunch with her and her mom. I really don’t think she understood that Miss Piggy was actually attached to a puppeteer. She then told Piggy that she loved her in Shrek 2. Miss Piggy told her that she wasn’t in that and the girl corrected herself by saying it was Shark Tales. That was funny. (How many Jaws movies have been released?)

John Henson was also hilarious. He’s the younger son of Jim Henson and besides playing the giant monster Sweetums, was also the Coca-Cola Polar Bear mascot for a few special events. He was a very nice guy and one of those people you would love to have sitting around you at a campfire telling stories. (What 80’s rock group has nothing to do with the preceding paragraph?)

What else? In less than 2 weeks, I am off to Costa Rica for three weeks, where my brother and I are going to go join the revolution (oops, was I supposed to mention that Sonia?). I watched Team America the other night and found it hilarious but I only recommend it to people who also found South Park and Orgazmo funny. Ah, heck, I recommend it to everyone, except to that guy who has no sense of humour... (What famous hockey goalie has a small case of Tourette’s Syndrome, unlike my roommate, who is currently cussing away in the kitchen to nobody? Bonus; Who is my roommate?)

Well, that’s about it. Good luck on the trivia questions. Let me know if you want the answers and I will email them to you. (What was the name of the Greatest American Hero?)

Answers:

Total Eclipse of the Heart, Holding Out for a Hero
U2
Superman 2; Room With A View
John Travolta
Grenada
Ewokland
Fifteen
Five
Bon Jovi
Patrick Roy (bonus; Dave Schwarz)
He never had a superhero name but his first name was Ralph